CHAPTER 1- I LOST MY EVERYTHING

Many times we try to hide some memories in our heart, we try to forget them but when those memories come out on its own, they cause a deep wound in our heart, a wound which is not possible to be cured...

Dr Neil was a well-known cancer specialist in the city. Patents from other cities were also sent to them, whose conditions were really critical.
A similar case came that afternoon too. The case that came from his past with old wounds and gave him unbearable pain to his present forever.

As always, Dr Neil was sitting in his cabin.

"Next," he said

As the door opened, a skinny boy enters which makes Neil his eyes widen. Neil was staring with shocked eyes at that weak pale face boy with rough hair. He came and sits in front of Neil. Neil still looked confused and was trying to identify that face.

Seeing this, that guy smiled and said in the weak voice.

"Why are you looking like this?
I am an old wound in your heart that has been tried desperately to hide."

Neil face turned pale as if he saw some ghost, he gasped "Aman!"

That boys miled but his eyes were telling different story "Yes, Dr Neil, Aman" saying this he moved his report towards Neil.

Neil started reading the report. For the very first time, his hands were shivering while reading the report of a patient. He read the whole report again and again. Tears welled up in his eyes, he looked at Aman for a while, he was still smiling. He moved his eyes at the report again. After a few moments, he put the report on the table, and looked at that skinny boy. He kept thinking something, he took a sip of water and then said while clearing his throat "Aman, do you know that...that" he couldn't say anything further but kept staring at that face where he could not see any hope, those eyes who were drowning in the ocean of pain and those dry lips who were trying to smile but wanted to cry bitterly.

"...that I have last stage blood cancer and I have barely a month" Aman completed his sentence and smiles.

He said in a sorrowful voice as if he was about to cry "And yet you are smiling, this is not a joke"

"Joke, Dr Neil, Joke... the biggest joke in this world is my life, my life, Dr Neil and this disease is that's the reward" Aman sneers but his eyes were full of distress.

Dr Neil lowered his eyes with embarrassment.

"I have lost everything in my life...everything! What would I do even If I live." Aman said "Dr, I have a request, please appoint a good Dr for my treatment, not the best Dr of this city!" He took her report and started leaving but Neil got up and held his wrist.

He said in a sorrowful voice "Aman, I know I did wrong, I did so wrong, I should not have done that. But if I am not still with you, I will never be able to forgive myself."

He started crying with his head on Aman's hand "Aman, at least give me a chance to apologize for my mistake, at least one chance. Let me handle your case, please"

He turned and looked at Neil, today he had the same trust in her eyes again as he did has 8 years ago.

Aman admitted to the hospital and Neil was handling her case. Neil took all responsibilities of Aman, feeding him himself, giving her medicine, doing all the tests himself. But there was no improvement in Aman's condition. Aman just stares at him silently, he doesn't say anything.

Sometimes Neil sits near Aman all night, there was no conversation between them, just by looking at the eyes, they used to understand everything...everything which was unable to explain in words, every pain which is unable to express in tears!

Once Neil was looking for some reports of Aman's old treatments in his belongings, then he found a diary there... a red diary.

He remembers that Aman loved writing diaries, he used to write diaries even during college time. Don't know how many good and bad memories, he had imprisoned in these pages by giving them the form of words ... his and Aman's memories.

He opened diary, and got something very deep that told him how much pain was hidden in Aman's smile, how many tears were Aman's eyes hiding-

You left me alone and made me cry

You hurt me so much, I even don't know why

I loved you more than, I loved anybody else

Now I don't have any idea how to come out of this mess

Please come back to me otherwise I will die

My tears don't stop and I just cry

His feet started trembling. He couldn't stand on them anymore and sits there on the floor. He felt like his heart had stopped beating.

"He is right, he is right! He has every right to ask what was his fault and why did I hurt him. He did love me, he truly loved me by all his heart...but I" he slaps himself "I pretended to love him, how can I be that much cruel, I broke his innocent heart..." he slapped again himself "I broke his trust"...

He started reading diary while sitting there on the floor, Aman was not we his in the diary, he was only expressing his love yet, in each and every single word he was finding himself guilty.

In my dreams, you come to me, Holds my hand and hugs me

You see tears in my eyes you dry them and kiss me

I will always be next to you- you make believe me

I will take you far away, come and fly away with me

But in the middle of the way

You leave my hand and fly away

That was terrible, I scream

My eyes open, It was just a dream!

Neil started crying and blaming himself, he hugs that diary and started sobbing. Seeing all this, it was clear Aman kept waiting for him, even he knew he would not come he kept waiting. He had been waiting for him for 8 years. Now he met him...but in this condition!

"Oh Aman, you don't deserve this. You deserve a better life...a happy life, a great person and lots of happiness." he sobs "It is not you who should be in this condition, I should be in that condition...I don't deserve life, I should die...you deserve a better life...you don't deserve it...don't deserve it" he starts crying bitterly "I ruined your life...I destroyed everything in your life... oh Aman, why did you trust me...why?" He kept crying and cursing himself for hours.

He went to Aman's bed, he was sleeping as it was already late night. He kissed his forehead, sat near him and started looking at that face. How much his face had changed, how weak that face had become. His eyes were probably tired of waiting for him and now they wanted to rest...resting for ever... wanted to be closed forever.

After his leaving, how much Aman would have suffered...how much he would have waited...

Aman, who couldn't even survive one moment without me, how would he had spent 8 years. And he, he had forgotten Aman a long time ago and married Neelam...
part2 and part3 are already published
happy reading

#boyxboy #bl #gay #loveislove
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