I was watching a video for Krishna Morty (i knew it recently,but i think you all know it since he is indian) in which he talks about the conflict between the self and others, ‏especially the issue of pain, ‏he start by asking why does a person suffer from the side of another person? ‏and he said that the reason for someone suffering from the side of another person is the contradiction between the image that you built about yourself and the image which is seen by the person who hurt you, ‏for example we take a girl who thinks she is beautiful, ‏but another person that she appreciates his opinion came to her and told her that she is not beautiful and her feelings got hurt, ‏so who is wrong here? ‏If we say that the other person fault's, ‏then this is not true perhaps, ‏because just as the girl has a beautiful picture of herself, ‏this person also has a picture of the beautiful girl, ‏so does the girl have to change herself and create a different image that matches what satisfies that person? ‏also no, ‏because even if she do that, ‏another person will not like this new picture, ‏it is not possible for all people to like your picture. ‏Or does this man have to change the picture he painted on his mind of how a beautiful girl should be? ‏No, ‏he is not required to do so either. ‏So what can be done to not hurt this girl’s feelings? ‏Perhaps self-confidence, ‏perhaps creating a bad and ugly image of yourself so that people's opinions are better than your image of yourself, ‏and i think now i understood why some girls used to say that they were not beautiful, ‏perhaps for this reason. ‏But i did not find a satisfy answer to this question, ‏how can we not be hurt? ‏so i decided to do an experiment on my fiancée, ‏we were sitting together and i told her ‎"i will ask you some questions and answer honestly".
‏Me: ‏Are you beautiful?
‏She: ‏Yes
Me: ‏If I told you that you are ugly, ‏how would you feel?
‏She: ‏i will Feeling bad, ‏but why are these types of questions? ‏Tell me that this will end up well, ‏so I can answer your questions
Me: (i convince her to continue afcourse😁 ) ‏why would you feel bad?
She: ‏Because I thought you'd find me pretty.
‏Me: ‏Why did you think so?
She: ‏I didn't think, ‏you told me so yourself.
‏Me: ‏But I changed my idea of ‎​​beauty, ‏I want you to change too.
She: ‏I do not want to change, ‏I love myself like this,
‏Me: ‏But what about me?
‏She: ‏I never asked you to change
Me: ‏Okay. ‏If a stranger told you that you were ugly, ‏would you hurt the same way?
‏She: ‏No,
‏Me: ‏why?
‏She: ‏Because I do not care about the opinions of strangers.
Me: ‏Well, ‏I guess I got what I wanted. ‏Thank you, ‏Ma'am ‎^^.
‏the answer is complicated but we have many choices of how to avoid this kind of pain: 1-consider beauty as an idea, ‏so when you find someone who told you ‎"you are not beautiful", ‏consider that it is only a difference of opinion about the concept and standards of beauty, ‏the same as the difference in any idea, ‏but this is not easy right?, ‏I think, ‏it is difficult For someone to have the capacity to justify yourself to everyone, ‏I am beautiful because it is such-and-such ‎2-maybe carelessness will be better, ‏the world is ‎mortal, ‏do not waste your life in grief for yourself because of the opinion of someone who has a different opinion of yourself to yours.3- ‏perhaps if your influence on yourself is more important than the influence of others
For example, ‏if a person told you that"you are not pretty" ‏his effect will be negative of course, ‏but your effect on yourself should be more positive when you tell yourself the opposite thing"i am pretty"=>my opinion about my self>others opinions.
we can apply this to everything, ‏beauty is just an example for simplicity. ‏Hope you share with me your opinions on how we can avoid getting hurt from peoples opinions?

note:i change from the dialogue a bite to match up with the context of topic.

© alchis blacksmith