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The Numbers Obssession
I knew it was no longer my world that I'd known when I saw the numbers on people's foreheads. I had always been told to be more aware of my surroundings and the people therein. Here the Earth looked more lush, more preserved and treated nicer. I guess that's because of the numbers, a vivid indication of what a decent person you are. We all aspire to a better place, so the first words out of my mouth when I woke was,
"Am I in Heaven?" as I viewed the odd crowd formed around me. The next was, "what's with the numbers?".
It seems most think it very rude to refer to the numbers, or to stare openly at them. Nobody would answer me directly as they helped me up. It seemed very much like the place I'd just been in, but the air felt different and my body seemed lighter. Here it felt like I was freer, nearer to my spiritual goals.
"Hey, I'm sorry to ask," I said to one old guy with a 78 plastered on his bonce,
"but that's new to me." I said pointing up at the digits. "Can you tell me what they represent?"
He looked a little taken aback that I should ask so directly, but he had a kindly disposition. In a whisper he said,
"We think they're an indication of our Godliness, a sign of how near we are to Heaven." He was red faced with embarrassment even talking about it.
"So this isn't Heaven then?"
"No, I don't think so," he replied, but not very convincingly.
What's my number?" I asked without hesitation, my curiosity getting the better of my judgement. He immediately started to scuttle off as the crowd dispersed. Odd I thought, so I tried to grab his arm once again to ask,"Won't you just tell me?"
"We don't talk about such things. To talk about them is like open obssession and that is considered vanity. You can lose points for that.
"But I'm just asking," I state almost demanding an answer, and I didn't let go my grip despite his reluctance.
"43" he said simply, and pulled his arm away with a quick jerk and was off rather sharply.
Damn I thought. If he is a 78 and most I saw in that circle were in the 50s and 60s then I guess I got lucky. Maybe they'd been here a while and when they arrived like me maybe they too had been low 40s. It made me very self aware seeing the numbers. I wanted to ask others about them but quite a few had them covered over with hats or turbans, hoods or caps. It seems some are shy of revealing their "godly score". I saw a supermarket ahead and thought wow, you mean we've even got to eat here? An odd sort of heaven it is if we are to shop and what do we use for money and how do we get it? Do I have to work? What job should I do then here? It wasn't like my old place, that I knew, but my recollections of where I had come from were very fuzzy. I walked towards the supermarket as a lot of people were heading in that direction.
The skies seemed bluer here, the sun less burning. There were still birds and pretty much the scenery was green and lush how I remembered. Stuff like that I had no problem with, it was the who exactly I was and what did I do or where did I live that worried me. Such details wouldn't come to mind. As I approached the big glass facade of the front windows I saw an array of products and advertisements. They weren't all food related but they all had great slogans plastered over them full of promises.
"Boost your friends and give them the best. Healthy hearts start with positive nutrition...Golden Moments, the winning enhancements."
"Get the Rotarian 4, the super lawn trimmer and do a good deed for your neighbours. Guaranteed to boost you 2 points or your money back!"
There were so many products and radically diverse signs with bigger and wilder promises to "boost your ratings" I was now very intrigued. I followed others to the store entrance and there was some guy actually stopping to talk to people about their figures as they went in. I seized the opportunity whilst I could.
"Hey fella," he said warmly," I'd like to chat to you about the Zen-digo 2000. It's a revolutionary new design that cleans as it mends as it goes, allowing you the time to devote to your numbers."
He seemed a warm enough guy to chat to so I said,
"Sure, thanks, it looks like I've a long way to go I'm slacking behind it seems."
He got very flustered at me admitting this to him aloud.
"Oh no no no Sir, not at all, we all have to start somewhere. If you take us up on the two for one offer you'll never look back."
His score was a healthy 80 but I'd yet to notice anyone approaching 90.
"Did this product work for you? How else may I boost my number if I do have the extra time like you say?"
"Why yes indeed it did help me. Everyone knows or is told the ways you can improve. Just read the papers, the self help books, go to church or temple, or watch the news. You'll get the general idea Sir."
But by then I was looking back as the crowd's surge was pressing me further into the store.
"Okay," I called back..."thanks, catch you on the way out!" With that I was launched into a world of big claims and lofty ideals.
I noticed it was quite a frenzy to buy and pay for your goods and leave without getting suckered up into all the hype. I thought it odd you could buy everything from food stuff to household gadgets but everything had huge advertising claims. Even the screens on the walls were full of models proclaiming how they got their numbers increased, and major celebrities telling us their secrets to a better number. Odd that with all this hoopla not one person wanted to openly chat to me about what guarantees there were. Where were these numbers eventually taking you?
I've been here what feels like years. I purchased all these things and followed all their advice. I watched numbers going up much more than they ever fell. Those whose numbers seemed to peak I was trying to keep an eye on. It was a very dog eat dog world this one, and people were covering their numbers up more and more these days lest it incite jealousy and favouritism. I once went to a bar where only 65s or higher were admitted, and I'd seen dating apps and clubs devoted to high scores only. It was sad to see, I couldn't recall how it had been but I felt sure it wasn't like this where I'd come from. I really tried to coax out answers from others I met along the way, but they seemed to know as little as I. Their numbers went up more than they went down, much like my own, and I took this as a good sign. Indeed the advertisements and guidelines, the proclamations for doing good things, it all helped if one followed it. But it didn't feel right. It felt like cheating to me, as if you were only doing it as you knew it would help boost your score and further your own advancement towards Heaven. I got to feeling I was less concerned about actually living than I was about my ratings and numbers. I became a trifle obssessed by the figures, and my life seemed to ebb in a direction that was slipping away with the more time I was spending on it.
But then one morning, I looked in the mirror and my 99 felt hard earned. I felt this inward pulsing and a dizzy feeling. And all went white and I passed out. When I came to I was again in a similar world, but it too felt different, lighter than I remembered. The sky was a much clearer and vivid blue, and the many beautiful birds sang sweeter tunes. There were four or five people around me and I noticed they had no numbers.
"Am I in Heaven," I asked them hopefully," did I make it?".
They laughed, not unkindly.
"My boy," one replied, this isn't that place. "But my number, I hit 100, they told us we'd get to Heaven."
They all laughed some more at my naivety and another said.
"Never buy into the marketing and media hype and advertisements. Follow your heart and act with genuiness."
"Oh," I proclaimed," you mean we all bought into a lie? I was duped?"
"Many come from where you came from asking the same. We don't know what promises you were made, but here has seemed very different to them. Here you'll learn to think less of your number and progress, and more about your experiences."
"You mean forget my number?"
"Yes why not? Did it get you into Heaven? No. But do you recall the good things you did to increase your number?"
"Yes, but wasn't that because I did as I was told? Didn't my numbers fluctuate with buying and using, following and doing all that stuff I was bombarded with? It got me here didn't it? I got to a hundred and here I am."
With that one of the crowd stepped forward and helped me up and hugged me. It felt so good to be hugged.
"Let it go friend," he said. "The number wasn't about your progression. It was a test, a diversion. A red herring. All you truly remember is the intention and phobia of increasing your numbers...always the numbers. It was a lie. They lied to you. This isn't Heaven." He was crying. I felt his pain at what he was trying to relay.
"What do you mean?" I asked,"where are we then?"
Why son, this is what passes for Hell. Your numbers were leading you astray my friend, dragging you to the opposite and away from where you wanted to be. It was all designed to make you suffer and you fell for it. Never believe the numbers my friend. Never believe the hype and false promises. Only follow your heart if you want to reach higher than this. Do good by your deeds and words because of your own wishes, not for personal gain. We are all 100s here. We fell into the trap too, bought into the premise and lies they brokered. We know your pain, but things can get better. Start again, but don't think in terms of numbers. Think in terms of just the here and now, and what you can make of it for the betterment of you and all. Enjoy that moment. Live friend, live."
And though I had died again, I was reborn into yet another realm. The endless cycle had again begun and my journey continued, but though some things grew fuzzy again, the lesson I learnt about the numbers stayed etched in my soul. Until I was myself greeting a newbie just arrived,
"Welcome friend. Forget our numbers, no one set of digits can accurately reflect where you are on the path to Heaven. We are not governed by a placement like that, but a feeling in ones heart. That's where you'll find Heaven."
And then I woke to a whole new world..."is this Heaven?" I asked groggily to a sea of beautiful smiling faces outlined in a glorious sky.
© .Garry Saunders
"Am I in Heaven?" as I viewed the odd crowd formed around me. The next was, "what's with the numbers?".
It seems most think it very rude to refer to the numbers, or to stare openly at them. Nobody would answer me directly as they helped me up. It seemed very much like the place I'd just been in, but the air felt different and my body seemed lighter. Here it felt like I was freer, nearer to my spiritual goals.
"Hey, I'm sorry to ask," I said to one old guy with a 78 plastered on his bonce,
"but that's new to me." I said pointing up at the digits. "Can you tell me what they represent?"
He looked a little taken aback that I should ask so directly, but he had a kindly disposition. In a whisper he said,
"We think they're an indication of our Godliness, a sign of how near we are to Heaven." He was red faced with embarrassment even talking about it.
"So this isn't Heaven then?"
"No, I don't think so," he replied, but not very convincingly.
What's my number?" I asked without hesitation, my curiosity getting the better of my judgement. He immediately started to scuttle off as the crowd dispersed. Odd I thought, so I tried to grab his arm once again to ask,"Won't you just tell me?"
"We don't talk about such things. To talk about them is like open obssession and that is considered vanity. You can lose points for that.
"But I'm just asking," I state almost demanding an answer, and I didn't let go my grip despite his reluctance.
"43" he said simply, and pulled his arm away with a quick jerk and was off rather sharply.
Damn I thought. If he is a 78 and most I saw in that circle were in the 50s and 60s then I guess I got lucky. Maybe they'd been here a while and when they arrived like me maybe they too had been low 40s. It made me very self aware seeing the numbers. I wanted to ask others about them but quite a few had them covered over with hats or turbans, hoods or caps. It seems some are shy of revealing their "godly score". I saw a supermarket ahead and thought wow, you mean we've even got to eat here? An odd sort of heaven it is if we are to shop and what do we use for money and how do we get it? Do I have to work? What job should I do then here? It wasn't like my old place, that I knew, but my recollections of where I had come from were very fuzzy. I walked towards the supermarket as a lot of people were heading in that direction.
The skies seemed bluer here, the sun less burning. There were still birds and pretty much the scenery was green and lush how I remembered. Stuff like that I had no problem with, it was the who exactly I was and what did I do or where did I live that worried me. Such details wouldn't come to mind. As I approached the big glass facade of the front windows I saw an array of products and advertisements. They weren't all food related but they all had great slogans plastered over them full of promises.
"Boost your friends and give them the best. Healthy hearts start with positive nutrition...Golden Moments, the winning enhancements."
"Get the Rotarian 4, the super lawn trimmer and do a good deed for your neighbours. Guaranteed to boost you 2 points or your money back!"
There were so many products and radically diverse signs with bigger and wilder promises to "boost your ratings" I was now very intrigued. I followed others to the store entrance and there was some guy actually stopping to talk to people about their figures as they went in. I seized the opportunity whilst I could.
"Hey fella," he said warmly," I'd like to chat to you about the Zen-digo 2000. It's a revolutionary new design that cleans as it mends as it goes, allowing you the time to devote to your numbers."
He seemed a warm enough guy to chat to so I said,
"Sure, thanks, it looks like I've a long way to go I'm slacking behind it seems."
He got very flustered at me admitting this to him aloud.
"Oh no no no Sir, not at all, we all have to start somewhere. If you take us up on the two for one offer you'll never look back."
His score was a healthy 80 but I'd yet to notice anyone approaching 90.
"Did this product work for you? How else may I boost my number if I do have the extra time like you say?"
"Why yes indeed it did help me. Everyone knows or is told the ways you can improve. Just read the papers, the self help books, go to church or temple, or watch the news. You'll get the general idea Sir."
But by then I was looking back as the crowd's surge was pressing me further into the store.
"Okay," I called back..."thanks, catch you on the way out!" With that I was launched into a world of big claims and lofty ideals.
I noticed it was quite a frenzy to buy and pay for your goods and leave without getting suckered up into all the hype. I thought it odd you could buy everything from food stuff to household gadgets but everything had huge advertising claims. Even the screens on the walls were full of models proclaiming how they got their numbers increased, and major celebrities telling us their secrets to a better number. Odd that with all this hoopla not one person wanted to openly chat to me about what guarantees there were. Where were these numbers eventually taking you?
I've been here what feels like years. I purchased all these things and followed all their advice. I watched numbers going up much more than they ever fell. Those whose numbers seemed to peak I was trying to keep an eye on. It was a very dog eat dog world this one, and people were covering their numbers up more and more these days lest it incite jealousy and favouritism. I once went to a bar where only 65s or higher were admitted, and I'd seen dating apps and clubs devoted to high scores only. It was sad to see, I couldn't recall how it had been but I felt sure it wasn't like this where I'd come from. I really tried to coax out answers from others I met along the way, but they seemed to know as little as I. Their numbers went up more than they went down, much like my own, and I took this as a good sign. Indeed the advertisements and guidelines, the proclamations for doing good things, it all helped if one followed it. But it didn't feel right. It felt like cheating to me, as if you were only doing it as you knew it would help boost your score and further your own advancement towards Heaven. I got to feeling I was less concerned about actually living than I was about my ratings and numbers. I became a trifle obssessed by the figures, and my life seemed to ebb in a direction that was slipping away with the more time I was spending on it.
But then one morning, I looked in the mirror and my 99 felt hard earned. I felt this inward pulsing and a dizzy feeling. And all went white and I passed out. When I came to I was again in a similar world, but it too felt different, lighter than I remembered. The sky was a much clearer and vivid blue, and the many beautiful birds sang sweeter tunes. There were four or five people around me and I noticed they had no numbers.
"Am I in Heaven," I asked them hopefully," did I make it?".
They laughed, not unkindly.
"My boy," one replied, this isn't that place. "But my number, I hit 100, they told us we'd get to Heaven."
They all laughed some more at my naivety and another said.
"Never buy into the marketing and media hype and advertisements. Follow your heart and act with genuiness."
"Oh," I proclaimed," you mean we all bought into a lie? I was duped?"
"Many come from where you came from asking the same. We don't know what promises you were made, but here has seemed very different to them. Here you'll learn to think less of your number and progress, and more about your experiences."
"You mean forget my number?"
"Yes why not? Did it get you into Heaven? No. But do you recall the good things you did to increase your number?"
"Yes, but wasn't that because I did as I was told? Didn't my numbers fluctuate with buying and using, following and doing all that stuff I was bombarded with? It got me here didn't it? I got to a hundred and here I am."
With that one of the crowd stepped forward and helped me up and hugged me. It felt so good to be hugged.
"Let it go friend," he said. "The number wasn't about your progression. It was a test, a diversion. A red herring. All you truly remember is the intention and phobia of increasing your numbers...always the numbers. It was a lie. They lied to you. This isn't Heaven." He was crying. I felt his pain at what he was trying to relay.
"What do you mean?" I asked,"where are we then?"
Why son, this is what passes for Hell. Your numbers were leading you astray my friend, dragging you to the opposite and away from where you wanted to be. It was all designed to make you suffer and you fell for it. Never believe the numbers my friend. Never believe the hype and false promises. Only follow your heart if you want to reach higher than this. Do good by your deeds and words because of your own wishes, not for personal gain. We are all 100s here. We fell into the trap too, bought into the premise and lies they brokered. We know your pain, but things can get better. Start again, but don't think in terms of numbers. Think in terms of just the here and now, and what you can make of it for the betterment of you and all. Enjoy that moment. Live friend, live."
And though I had died again, I was reborn into yet another realm. The endless cycle had again begun and my journey continued, but though some things grew fuzzy again, the lesson I learnt about the numbers stayed etched in my soul. Until I was myself greeting a newbie just arrived,
"Welcome friend. Forget our numbers, no one set of digits can accurately reflect where you are on the path to Heaven. We are not governed by a placement like that, but a feeling in ones heart. That's where you'll find Heaven."
And then I woke to a whole new world..."is this Heaven?" I asked groggily to a sea of beautiful smiling faces outlined in a glorious sky.
© .Garry Saunders
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