When I was a child I always wanted to be a mermaid. To swim in the ocean with the fish and the dolphins being in the water was my happy place. Just swimming and swimming with no care in the world to what time it was no one could get me out of the water. Years and months flew by. I became a young adult dreams have changed life had changed and I changed. The mermaid dream vanished to the past. Granted I still like to swim alot but not as much as I once have. There were new desires new beginnings and new dreams. When I reached age 21 all my friends that I had which weren't many we went out to the bars and I got wasted and the next day I could not remember what had happened accept for fact I woke up with a massive hangover, I thought to myself what happened. More time flew by I was in a relationship with a guy who was just using me for money a place to stay and sex I got pregnant and I told him he left then 9 months passed I gave birth to a healthy boy I named him Gabriel. At that point in my life I wasn't in good place and was an alcoholic and used, I knew I wanted him to have a better life and have a wonderful family. So I did the hardest thing in my life I gave him up for adoption. As the years keep going by I keep wondering what could have been, would I have been a good mother am I good enough. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him but I keep in mind and tell myself stay strong. When he is 18 maybe he will want to find you and ask you why? Now I am in my early 30s and I am in recovery from my addiction and starting to be more happy with who I am and with what I have accomplished in my life .
© Caia A Lux