I met her in a gaming group, Loved the sound of her voice. I felt like I was was talking to an Angel, her voice is so soft, so pure, so full of light. We started to talk in text, but later talked in a voice communication party.
I hoped that I could find something that would bring this darkness out of me so I can get the help I need to execute it to bring my light back.
Every woman before her had failed, when my First love and First wife and son passed, I had a darkness in me so bad that I did everything I could to bury myself.

After two decades, I couldn't find one until now. After hearing her voice, I felt something spark in me, a fire started to burn, my emotions started to fluctuate, and the fire started to spark, my heart started to move and eliminate the darkness.
Each day that passed, I felt like I knew her for years, like we had something that was pure when meant to be, last time I felt like this, I was 17. Here we are nearly two decades later and I felt like this could be real.

But it had only been three days, as we both started to open a little more. After a few days of feeling something I thought I'd never feel this way again, I got so overwhelmed that I opened the can too soon and spilled the beans all over myself so bad that I rushed it so hard and so quickly after knowing what she told me, that I knew she wasn't ready for another relationship.

But, I was only thinking of myself and not the purity of the friendship that was just starting to open up. For this I apologize, for this is on me, although I hope we can rekindle what we started.
You have something so pure in your heart, that you don't yet see as clearly as I do, you have been hurt before, I don't want that to cloud your judgement. I want to feel like you have a hope somewhere within your heart, like you had for me to find the purity on my heart and squash the demons in my soul.

I pray that this doesn't haunt me or you, I pray that I can talk to you again as I hold our conversations close. You have a gift so pure and so bright that I saw it the very first day we talked.
I pray that what I said doesn't hurt our friendship.

I keep seeing the discord pop off and my heart goes in my throat and I can't shake the feeling to check it, and when I do your still here. And then my worry and my concern goes away.
I read as I text this and wonder what is next, I hope for a future, but feel full of myself, thus can't be sure what is what, or What is this, Between you and I.

I look at this and wonder could it be that I haven't been in a real relationship for so long that it is clouding my judgement and decision making as a man, or did I let this get my better of me. I don't know,
I want to know how you feel, but won't know until I hear from you next. I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring you and I don't want your anxiety to go any hider. I want to focus on our three foot world, and the US Navy has a saying "Slow is Smooth, Smooth is Fast" and I want a reset if you want it too.

To start things slow and watch them Grow, and if something sparks between us, then it will become a smooth launch for success. Even if it doesn't, Our friendship will be smoother than it currently is.

I don't know What is this, Between you and I. But I have hope that we can work through this problem and come to a settle solution.

I'm all out of words, I'm all out of thoughts. I just hope that we can work through this. It's been awhile that I wrote a story, but I hope this reaches you sooner than later.

I'm sorry Holly for everything I caused. I hope we can push through this, I really do.

Your Friend,

- V
© Viktors Heart