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Why is dowry a problem in India?
Neha asked her dad for a laptop for studying purpose.
“Is it urgent? can you manage for few days? We will arrange money in the mean time.” He said.
Neha felt guilty for troubling her dad. She decided to mange with phone and lied that she doesn't really need it when her dad asked again.
Neha understands her family situation well.
But when Neha's sibling got a good job, her parents spent whopping 25k to gift sarees to their relatives though they were reluctant. It's common practice in their society. Kind of repaying. They will be demeaned if they don't follow it. Neha understood it.
But deep inside she felt they can buy her a laptop by adding 10k and break the stereotype.
2. Neha got admission in a good college, which is far away from home. Fee is high too. So, after discussing with everyone, they decided to admit her in local college with good reputation. Neha understood it will be difficult for her family to pay that huge amount and travel such long. So, she lied that she too is interested in staying near to home.
But deep inside she thought, instead of buying gold with savings, they must have given her a chance to have good education.
3. Neha now got a good match. She is doing a job with average package. She got a good match because she is beautiful, she and her family are alwyas nice and politeful. The bride's parents want to give them some gifts. I mean the groom's parents didn't ask for any. Nothing like dowry is mentioned. But her father is eager to gift them every penny he saved for her marriage so that no one questions them, and the groom's parents are happy to take gifts. Neha understood it's common.
Neha's inlaws bought extra gifts adding some more money to this and gave to their daughter on her marraige occasion.
But deep inside she felt really bad. The guy is from same college and two years senior to her. She equally performed like him. Only difference is, the guy went for further studies and improved himslef. Worked hard and got a really good package. Neha must have achieved the same, if her parents agreed for further studies as it’s expensive or if she gave up on being compromising and understanding. Now she is treated less compared to her husband everywhere as he earns more. She feels insecure everywhere except infront of him, as he is good guy.
4. Neha is encouraged by her husband to go for higher studies. But her family members involved in it and stated how it's time to have kids and extra savings. They presumed it's difficult for her to manage and succeed. She understood their pain and anxiety cum excitement to have heir.
Neha is now mother of an one year kid. Still doing the same job but with hiked salary. She is happy a bit. Out of blue, everyone started suggesting her to leave job and dedicate life for kid, as she anyway earns less. How does that little money matter when they have good properties! Neha is mad now. But she managed to smile and aviod them however. Her husband politely asked them to not to give her suggestions again.
That's life of extra understanding and extra compassionate girls from middle class familes.
Dowry system in India will stop only if parents stops thinking marraige is ultimate goal of girl's life or only if girls like Neha who are ambitious, stop being okay with every decision others make for her. There is fault from both sides, more from elder's side though. It doesn't mean girls without job should be forced to give dowry. They dedicate whole life to household chores and upbringing of kids.
I’m excluding gold diggers and those who eat husband’s brain for luxuries and waste his money alongside expecting him to share household chores in his non existing free time too, preaching about fake feminism.
And the change will not come in sudden. It takes time. It's no more respectful to call it dowry. It's gifts these days in many marriages.
Peace.
© Tejaswini
image credit : Google
#dowry #india #society #responsibility #girlchild #middleclass #parenting #extra #compromise #understanding #live #kids #money #growth #empowerment #women #men #work #job #equality #rights #laptop #education #college #studentlife #youth#makeadifference#change #optimist #hardwork
“Is it urgent? can you manage for few days? We will arrange money in the mean time.” He said.
Neha felt guilty for troubling her dad. She decided to mange with phone and lied that she doesn't really need it when her dad asked again.
Neha understands her family situation well.
But when Neha's sibling got a good job, her parents spent whopping 25k to gift sarees to their relatives though they were reluctant. It's common practice in their society. Kind of repaying. They will be demeaned if they don't follow it. Neha understood it.
But deep inside she felt they can buy her a laptop by adding 10k and break the stereotype.
2. Neha got admission in a good college, which is far away from home. Fee is high too. So, after discussing with everyone, they decided to admit her in local college with good reputation. Neha understood it will be difficult for her family to pay that huge amount and travel such long. So, she lied that she too is interested in staying near to home.
But deep inside she thought, instead of buying gold with savings, they must have given her a chance to have good education.
3. Neha now got a good match. She is doing a job with average package. She got a good match because she is beautiful, she and her family are alwyas nice and politeful. The bride's parents want to give them some gifts. I mean the groom's parents didn't ask for any. Nothing like dowry is mentioned. But her father is eager to gift them every penny he saved for her marriage so that no one questions them, and the groom's parents are happy to take gifts. Neha understood it's common.
Neha's inlaws bought extra gifts adding some more money to this and gave to their daughter on her marraige occasion.
But deep inside she felt really bad. The guy is from same college and two years senior to her. She equally performed like him. Only difference is, the guy went for further studies and improved himslef. Worked hard and got a really good package. Neha must have achieved the same, if her parents agreed for further studies as it’s expensive or if she gave up on being compromising and understanding. Now she is treated less compared to her husband everywhere as he earns more. She feels insecure everywhere except infront of him, as he is good guy.
4. Neha is encouraged by her husband to go for higher studies. But her family members involved in it and stated how it's time to have kids and extra savings. They presumed it's difficult for her to manage and succeed. She understood their pain and anxiety cum excitement to have heir.
Neha is now mother of an one year kid. Still doing the same job but with hiked salary. She is happy a bit. Out of blue, everyone started suggesting her to leave job and dedicate life for kid, as she anyway earns less. How does that little money matter when they have good properties! Neha is mad now. But she managed to smile and aviod them however. Her husband politely asked them to not to give her suggestions again.
That's life of extra understanding and extra compassionate girls from middle class familes.
Dowry system in India will stop only if parents stops thinking marraige is ultimate goal of girl's life or only if girls like Neha who are ambitious, stop being okay with every decision others make for her. There is fault from both sides, more from elder's side though. It doesn't mean girls without job should be forced to give dowry. They dedicate whole life to household chores and upbringing of kids.
I’m excluding gold diggers and those who eat husband’s brain for luxuries and waste his money alongside expecting him to share household chores in his non existing free time too, preaching about fake feminism.
And the change will not come in sudden. It takes time. It's no more respectful to call it dowry. It's gifts these days in many marriages.
Peace.
© Tejaswini
image credit : Google
#dowry #india #society #responsibility #girlchild #middleclass #parenting #extra #compromise #understanding #live #kids #money #growth #empowerment #women #men #work #job #equality #rights #laptop #education #college #studentlife #youth#makeadifference#change #optimist #hardwork
