Altaf,
You must have heard that it is better to die once than to die everyday. The problem with vitriolage is that it may not kill you that instant; but it provides you a slow, agonizing death which is even worse. As the mind and body never really heal from such a vicious attack that you start to die inside. Finally when you lose the battle within, you think of ending the suffering for once and all .
There is a high survival rate amongst the victims. But you see survival is not the most vital question always. The medical, social, psychological and economic impacts of lifelong disfigurement is too much to bear, therefore many people who has been a victim like me, ends up taking their own life.I don’t blame them nor do I call them cowards. My empathy sides with them, cause you can well imagine that living with such ugliness provides you being more ostracized than pitied. Before the incident took place, I too like others lived with the preconceived notions of physical beauty. I made heads turn on the streets and it gave me a sense of secret pride that I was considered attractive. Gone are those days! Now I have only one half of a face, the other part is deformed for a lifetime and now remains hidden behind the scarf. I have one eye blinded permanently and the eyelid burned off, most of my teeth exposed by partly destroyed lips, a shrunken nose with almost nothing for a left nostril, the doctor said I was lucky that the cartridge was not destroyed. I don’t have an eyebrow on my left side. But it is not just the face defiled but also deeply scarred are my chin and neck. I also incurred respiratory problems since I had inhaled a little of the acid vapor but the damage was not fatal. Neither my food pipe nor my Wind pipe was damaged. So I have been a victim as well as a survivor like several others.
For many months following the incident, I used to question my survival- the life I live is it worth living? Is it desirable to me? Is it what I deserve? Even if I could seek justice and had taken a legal step against my wrongdoers, it would not have done me any good. It could neither offer relief nor restitution. The Law can not improve my condition. It can never stop them, It has never stopped anyone from being wronged atleast in this part of the world. It is the Powerful that is destined to win and rebels are destined to be cursed, doomed and crushed under the former’s feet. When my Ammijan Abbu said that I was punished for my fault, I lost faith in the concept of justice. According to everyone, my wrongdoers’ actions were justified for I had gone too far from their limit of tolerance. Thus I was forced to accept this victimization. Dark gloomy thoughts clouded my mind until one day when I finally realized that I cannot go on suffering for something that was not my fault and I decided to emerge as the winner. If I am to live, I must do it lovingly not grudgingly. After six years I still fight tears as I recall the trauma I faced early in my life.
I was told as a child that the...