Feeling weak and breathless
As the insecticide fills my lungs
Not long after I opened my mouth and sprayed the whole can

Nauseous and blurry vision
I feel my heart is beating slower
I'm losing me sense and not aware what happens
All I can see is dark
Dark is like going deeper and deeper

I feel myself flying
There, I can see myself
Lying on the bed with my pink sweater
Without any motion,

I'm afraid
I thought it's what I wanted
But seeing myself dying, I'm afraid
I'm trying to reach the phone
But keep failing, like grasping shadow
I shout aloud,
Calling myself to wake up
Nothing works

An hour and two
I still don't know what to do
My phone starts ringing
Some notifications coming
I can read them all
But I can't send any replies
Or asking help at all

Please, don't die now
I'm scared
I thought this is what I wanted
But now I realize I'm not ready yet

Five hours and more
I see you knocking on the door
Looking panic,
And decide to kick

I'm scared
I'm afraid
Seeing my motionless body on bed
I'm not ready to die yet
I thought this is what I wanted
But I'm wrong

It's been a day
I see them coming with teary eyes
Kissing my cold cheeks and whispering goodbye
I die
I regret
This is not I want
Wish I could turn back the time
And gave a hard slap to my stupid mind

Here, I am
Seeing people who I thought never care
Now they shed their tears
Taking me to my last home and praying
I'm scared
I'm afraid
I'm not ready to die
But it's too late

If only I hadn't seen a can of insecticide
If only I hadn't held it with my hand the previous night
If only I could've controlled my thought that kept telling me to die

It's too late
Their last step has left my new home
Now in the dark, I'm all alone
I'm scared
I'm afraid
I thought this is what I wanted
But, I'm wrong

© luki