7 views
मेरी डायरी part-4
....meri jindgi....
meri life me pta nahi kya chl rha h pichle 3,4 mahino se m sochta bahut hu . pta nahi muje kya ho rha h meri sochne ki bimari khtm nahi ho rahi h. m saara din kuch na kuch sochta rhta hu . Mera bss akele rhne ka mnn krta na muje kisi se baat krne ka mnn krta h na hi khana khana muje achaa lgta h jiski wjh se m itna week ho gya hu ki Mera bss hamesha pde rhne ka mnn krta h . jiski wjh se mere ghr wale bhi bahut pareshan h . m smj ni pa rha hu ki mere saath ye kya ho rha h . kabhi achaa sochta hu to kabhi bura bss hamesha sochta hi rhta hu . kabhi kabhi to Mera mrne ka mnn krta h prr pta nahi mra bhi nahi jaata mujh se drr lgta h muje mrne se . 16,17 August ko maine poora plan bna liya ki muje ab mrna h prr pta nahi fir q drr lgne lga or m mrr nahi paaya prr ek baat to pakki h ki agr meri ye sochne ki bimari khtm nahi hui to syd himmat krr ke ek din m suside bhi krr lunga . maine apni iss bimari ko apne dosto se bhi share kiya prr koi solution nahi nikla. kuch logo ne kaha ki ye sb uss ladki ki wjh se ho rha h jis se m pyaar krta hu prr muje nhi lgta aisa kuch h qki jb wo mujh se achee se baat krti thi tb bhi m suside krne ke baare me sochta tha . maine uss ladki ko ek baar apne se dur bhi krr diya prr pta nahi kya hua m use bhul nahi paaya or use msg krr hi diya . maine uske saath itna bura krr diya ki m kabhi sapne me bhi nahi soch skta tha ki m uske saath itna bura krr dunga . pta nahi uss din muje kya ho gya muje khud hi pta nhi chla ki m kya krr rha hu prr baad me afsos hua ki maine uske saath bahut galat krr diya lekin fir bhi wo mujh se baat krne lgi ...
aaj m bahut sahi hu wo mujh se khub achee se baat krr rahi h prr fir bhi muje suside krne khayal aa rhe h . iss time pe bhi muje kuch achaa feel nahi ho rha h . pta nahi muje kya ho rha h muje aisa lgta h ki m pagal hota ja rha hu dhire dhire . meri sochne ki bimari muje pgl krr rahi h . sb logo ne mujh se yahi kha ki thoda ghumo firo tb dimag sahi rahega prr m ye sb kuch krr chuka hu prr koi infecte nahi h mujh me. m muskil se 10 min. hi apne dosto ke saath baith ke baat krr Pata hu baaki time Mera ulta sidha sochne me hi nikl jaata h . mere tau ji ladke ne kha ki teri iss prblm ka ek hi solution h wo h meri saadi . prr muje nahi lgta ki koi solution ho . qki muje abhi saadi nahi krni h muje pahle apna carrier bnana h . or waise bhi saadi krne ke baad prblm घटती nahi balki or jyada badh jaati h. muje abhi tk kuch smj nahi aa rha h ki meri ye sochne ki bimari kb khtm ho gi . iss bimari ke कारण m bina wjh rone lgg jaata hu . or itna rota hi saare ghr wale rone lgg jaate h or m ab iss bimari se itna pareshan ho chuka hu ki muje iska ek hi solution dikhta h or wo h suside....
m mrna nahi chahta prr muje iske alwa koi rasta bhi njjr nahi aa rha h . muje nahi pta ki m ye q karunga prr ek din aisa aayega ki m suside krr hi lunga . muje pta h ki suside krna glt h prr muje iss pglpan ki bimari se bachne ka ek yahi upaay dikha h ....
maine hrr wo chiij krr ke dekh li ki m sochu na lekin fir bhi last me jaa ke kuch na kuch soch hi leta hu ..
meri jindgi pahle aisi nahi thi prr ab aisi ho gayi h...
muje aisa bhi lgta h ki m syd usss ladki ki wjh se bhi ye sb krne ki sochta hu prr muje aisa bhi lgta h ki nahi aisa kuch nahi h qki uske alawa bhi meri life me or bhi tension h . wo ye h ki bhagwan ne muje ye life q di h qki na meri achii hight h or na hi sir me baal na hi achaa face h or na hi achaa kuch h mujh me ... bss mere haath pair sahi salamat h jo kisi kaam ke nahi h ab qki m itna week ho gya hu ki 1k.m bhi nahi chl skta hu or na hi kuch bhari Saaman utha skta hu..
Maine apni jidgai me kuch bhi nahi kiya h bss isi baat ka afsos rahega muje jb m mrr jaunga tb....
or ye din bhi bahut jld hi aayega qki jo m feel krr rha hu uss se yahi lagta h ki m 1,2 mahine tk hi jinda rh skta hu ...
muje kuch nahi pta ki mere mrne ke baad mere ghr wale ya koi or kaisa rahega prr muje kisi se koi mtlb nahi h muje sirf khud se mtlb h qki meri ye bimari mere andar h or iska eelaj hi mere mrne se ho ga....
meri life me pta nahi kya chl rha h pichle 3,4 mahino se m sochta bahut hu . pta nahi muje kya ho rha h meri sochne ki bimari khtm nahi ho rahi h. m saara din kuch na kuch sochta rhta hu . Mera bss akele rhne ka mnn krta na muje kisi se baat krne ka mnn krta h na hi khana khana muje achaa lgta h jiski wjh se m itna week ho gya hu ki Mera bss hamesha pde rhne ka mnn krta h . jiski wjh se mere ghr wale bhi bahut pareshan h . m smj ni pa rha hu ki mere saath ye kya ho rha h . kabhi achaa sochta hu to kabhi bura bss hamesha sochta hi rhta hu . kabhi kabhi to Mera mrne ka mnn krta h prr pta nahi mra bhi nahi jaata mujh se drr lgta h muje mrne se . 16,17 August ko maine poora plan bna liya ki muje ab mrna h prr pta nahi fir q drr lgne lga or m mrr nahi paaya prr ek baat to pakki h ki agr meri ye sochne ki bimari khtm nahi hui to syd himmat krr ke ek din m suside bhi krr lunga . maine apni iss bimari ko apne dosto se bhi share kiya prr koi solution nahi nikla. kuch logo ne kaha ki ye sb uss ladki ki wjh se ho rha h jis se m pyaar krta hu prr muje nhi lgta aisa kuch h qki jb wo mujh se achee se baat krti thi tb bhi m suside krne ke baare me sochta tha . maine uss ladki ko ek baar apne se dur bhi krr diya prr pta nahi kya hua m use bhul nahi paaya or use msg krr hi diya . maine uske saath itna bura krr diya ki m kabhi sapne me bhi nahi soch skta tha ki m uske saath itna bura krr dunga . pta nahi uss din muje kya ho gya muje khud hi pta nhi chla ki m kya krr rha hu prr baad me afsos hua ki maine uske saath bahut galat krr diya lekin fir bhi wo mujh se baat krne lgi ...
aaj m bahut sahi hu wo mujh se khub achee se baat krr rahi h prr fir bhi muje suside krne khayal aa rhe h . iss time pe bhi muje kuch achaa feel nahi ho rha h . pta nahi muje kya ho rha h muje aisa lgta h ki m pagal hota ja rha hu dhire dhire . meri sochne ki bimari muje pgl krr rahi h . sb logo ne mujh se yahi kha ki thoda ghumo firo tb dimag sahi rahega prr m ye sb kuch krr chuka hu prr koi infecte nahi h mujh me. m muskil se 10 min. hi apne dosto ke saath baith ke baat krr Pata hu baaki time Mera ulta sidha sochne me hi nikl jaata h . mere tau ji ladke ne kha ki teri iss prblm ka ek hi solution h wo h meri saadi . prr muje nahi lgta ki koi solution ho . qki muje abhi saadi nahi krni h muje pahle apna carrier bnana h . or waise bhi saadi krne ke baad prblm घटती nahi balki or jyada badh jaati h. muje abhi tk kuch smj nahi aa rha h ki meri ye sochne ki bimari kb khtm ho gi . iss bimari ke कारण m bina wjh rone lgg jaata hu . or itna rota hi saare ghr wale rone lgg jaate h or m ab iss bimari se itna pareshan ho chuka hu ki muje iska ek hi solution dikhta h or wo h suside....
m mrna nahi chahta prr muje iske alwa koi rasta bhi njjr nahi aa rha h . muje nahi pta ki m ye q karunga prr ek din aisa aayega ki m suside krr hi lunga . muje pta h ki suside krna glt h prr muje iss pglpan ki bimari se bachne ka ek yahi upaay dikha h ....
maine hrr wo chiij krr ke dekh li ki m sochu na lekin fir bhi last me jaa ke kuch na kuch soch hi leta hu ..
meri jindgi pahle aisi nahi thi prr ab aisi ho gayi h...
muje aisa bhi lgta h ki m syd usss ladki ki wjh se bhi ye sb krne ki sochta hu prr muje aisa bhi lgta h ki nahi aisa kuch nahi h qki uske alawa bhi meri life me or bhi tension h . wo ye h ki bhagwan ne muje ye life q di h qki na meri achii hight h or na hi sir me baal na hi achaa face h or na hi achaa kuch h mujh me ... bss mere haath pair sahi salamat h jo kisi kaam ke nahi h ab qki m itna week ho gya hu ki 1k.m bhi nahi chl skta hu or na hi kuch bhari Saaman utha skta hu..
Maine apni jidgai me kuch bhi nahi kiya h bss isi baat ka afsos rahega muje jb m mrr jaunga tb....
or ye din bhi bahut jld hi aayega qki jo m feel krr rha hu uss se yahi lagta h ki m 1,2 mahine tk hi jinda rh skta hu ...
muje kuch nahi pta ki mere mrne ke baad mere ghr wale ya koi or kaisa rahega prr muje kisi se koi mtlb nahi h muje sirf khud se mtlb h qki meri ye bimari mere andar h or iska eelaj hi mere mrne se ho ga....
