let's get one thing straight there are different types of hells in this world and one of them is hating someone so fucking bad but you love them so Fucking much ! yeah it's hard it's just a lot of shit and tbh I just don't understand how I can still love someone who leached the color from my soul and pulled me in with a kind and thoughtful mind hidden was a hell a burn off never felt I call you my angel because your my kryptonite my weaknest link my soft spot both in the light and the darkness you ignite my anxiety's and anger and flair up my depression from time to time but the moments our bodies touched and the moments we had conversations forever it seemed even it was all in circles and you felt crazy ...cry to me why do you care. when I truly and always will not matter how much I'll hate myself for it ..for as long as I breath I truly love you ..I only hate because I wish you where less faded less drained less hopful less than when I thought you where everything ...you went crazy ...I got hurt and just the edge was pushed and not backed off despite all warnings you still persued every action for me to meet me fall .
all in all apologise and a quote of pain I'll never forget that time you said Ieft you alone and I say no I never did not even once let's remember the times the drugs where more important I'm not innocent I ran off and was just with men I never met before but now I can truly say . I met the right man for me ...the only question is can I fight to let go of my past or pain and dark fucked off times ...can I let go of bad habits of shutting my self off and not letting anyone in to help me when I'm starting to fade ...I just wish I could change ...

© bluedragon