"why doesn't she call me?" "Is she just using me?" “Should I call her?" “What if I bother her?" “I could ruin things more, or have I already?"My mind races constantly. The ADHD is real and its here to stay. For as long as I can remember I've been “like this" too much to handle and nobody has the time or patience. I get to the third message in a row without an answer and I now know that if If I don't “pull the plug, I'll become annoying", but I can't help it! So I delete her number ,but not for me, for her. So I won't keep “nagging" The only way I have learned to “handle it" If I don't have her number I can't “ruin it" When we talk she smiles and says “you don't bother me" but deep down I know I do. She says she will understand and “be there" but that's what they all say. This “curse" effects everything in my daily life. As a kid, my father told me “dont speak because your a moron" so I learned to stay quiet with the daily beatings. Teachers tried to teach and reach out to help, but during those days it was better to not be known as “the slow kid" That term “slow" is in fact wrong. I think at least 3 times faster than the normal human being but, the problem is each thought takes me further down the “rabit hole" So before I send this beautiful woman a text, I have looked it over better than a classic car automotive detailer. Decisions are HELL. I never pick one candy bar in the store (this is where my inner libra comes in) In my hand I have a 3 musketeers and in the other a Milkyway. I cannot pick just one without feeling bad for what I missed out for not picking the other. I lay with her in bed but I cannot get comfortable. After five minutes I feel so comfortable and then I remember, “i need my phone" So the circle starts over again. I truly sometimes think ocd is there too and I'm going crazy..

to be continued.....
© Adhdishe