Just wanna let y'all know I don't believe in any religion not in a Christian way or any other way based on any religion. I have a different perspective in life. I don't wanna be forced to change my beliefs but I do keep an open-mind and will listen. All I'm about is working on getting clean and maybe not forever but need a long break from it. I can feel it and I know it's coming...It sucks to be the only one that understands you and barely know a dam thing STILL about yourself. When you even have two of you talking to "myself" when "I" saw them...heard them and both myselves stop talking and where against me they got a trump card but I thought only my dark side cause I made a deal with him and we both agreed but yet this trump card made me unaware of his presence and catches me off guard sometimes but other times maybe it's not the darker one but it ends up being a plot twist and the one I called "My HigherSelf" turns out to be the darker one the whole time and had tricked me....its a dam shame that it can fucken reach to the point of hurting yourself, plotting on yourself, preparing to kill yourself, because one of "You's" wants to take over while I'm weak and maybe it's just the real me and I forget who I am anymore with all of myselves...scary to see one but i don't care I already have but kept my mind strong,yet it grows tired....it's past exhausted but I haven't tapped out yet....shows me how strong minded I am and how I can still overcome facing odds that are worst then the lottery. But I'll win and I'll make everyone and everybody who had ever made fun of me and disrespected me AND EVERYBODY THAT SAYS I'M ALWAYS FUCKEN WRONG AND I AINT GONNA BE SHIT THAT LAUGHS BEHIND MY BACK AND CONSTANTLY THROW KNIVES AT MY BACK CAUSE NOW THEY AFRAID TO GO UP AND STAB ME IN THE BACK CAUSE THEY KNOW I WATCH MY OWN BACK NOW CONSTANTLY WALKING BACKWARDS looking like a Dam fool but became so use to that I end up getting lost. ppl that kicked me down, ppl that assume about me, ppl that say this or that about my life.....first of all, y'all don't fucken no shitttt about what we had to do and been through in the past, so y'all shut the fuck up and ask me bout what I've been through before u mothafucken judge a cover. It ain't even y'alls business . We hide behind broad smiles and laughter but behind that flesh mask it's a whole completely different twilight zone....the wider my smile, the sadder I am pleading for help, the more I joke around, the more I'm depressed in agony, the happier I am,,,the more I want to die trying to stay alive...I ain't gonna explain anything in detail and just know don't fucken ask me any cop questions anymore cause I don't know shit about nada in idk what you talking about by HUH? I'm lost...Soo yes I am gonna go to Rehab and yes I do wanna complete it but I need a place that's not so religious and the main focus is to get clean it shouldn't matter what you believe in as long as we help each other be a better "you" and have respect for one another. I'll give it my all and I'm close to being ready. Just want to make sure I leave with everything taken care of here. Couple of loose ends to tie up and others to cut. If anybody can help me with recommendarions or just anything that's helpful to know anything about anything of advice for life pls don't hesitate to tell me. I'm humble and I want a life that's for me not a life that everyone wants me to follow . -saunty G
© Saunty G