Day 87 of the Gnome Chronicles


I may have made a mistake in cooking up the batch of gnomes last night. It seems the killing and eating of their kinfolk has left them in a highly agitated state. Retaliation has been swift and brutal. This morning, I woke up in excruciating pain, only to find that several of the larger gnomes had tied me to the bed while their little companion was attempting to castrate me while I slept. Thank the heavens above for the ample stores of fat in my thighs as it enabled me to crush the little fella to death before he could complete his mission. I broke free only to find that they had tied down poor Waddleton, my Shi Tzu, put a wash cloth over his face and were furiously urinating all over it in what I could only describe as some twisted gnome version of water boarding. I threw my phone at the little buggers and managed to knock one of them out cold. I chased the others down the hall and came back to find that Waddleton had freed himself, chewed the legs off his tormenter and was now gleefully relieving himself on what was left of the hapless gnome. The little gnome was still shouting obscenities as he took his final trip down the toilet. Stay tuned as the battle continues.