Memories

" Let's both get a tattoo" Noah said amsument clear in his voice
"What type of tattoo do you want" he added softly his fingers stroking my hair making the butterflies in my tummy go wild
" Well I think I will get a smiley face" I replied not really keen on the idea of getting a tattoo
" You are joking right"
"Nope am not.... "
"Well I think I will get your name tattooed on my back"
Those simple words just made me feel like am on cloud nine
Tattooing you partners name on your back is a huge commitment well to me anyway
Bringing his face to my level he gave me a breathless kiss which always gets better each time its shared
Whenever we kissed it feel new and refreshing
The way his lips molded against mine
The way his tongue exploes my mouth and wrestles against mine in the fight for dominance makes the butterflies go wild In my tummy
"I love you Sophia"
" I love you too Noah"
It was all a joke
It was all a prank
Noah is here with me
And he just said he loves me
Noah" I hear myself say as I jerk awake only to find myself in my now dark room with just a little moonlight illuminating through my binders
I feel a tear leave my eye as I became a sobbing mess again
That memory which was very loving and beautiful has just become my now worst nightmare
Those memories hurts more especially after reality sets in making me realize that he is never coming back
He is gone forever

6:00 my clock reads as I decided its better not to go back to bed only for me to have a nightmare again
Getting out of bed I made my way toward the bathroom.
Turning on the shower as I wait for the hot water to take effect.
I stare at my reflection in the small mirror,
Brown eyes which are red and puffy stare back at me lifeless
My face pale as it has lost its glow and stained with dry and fresh tears
A tear slipped from my left eye as I forced myself to turn away from the mirror
Getting in the shower I left the warm water smothen my tense muscles and it actually made me feel better
Who ever said having memories is good is absolutely wrong since they can become a fucking nightmare within seconds.

Finally deciding to stop feeling sorry for myself .
I just need time to heal and actually let go of the heartbreak.

I headed to the kitchen and decided to make pancakes, not just any pancakes but chocolate chips pancake.
I got everything ready as I started cooking
Whitney Houston song: I wanna dance with somebody, got stuck in my head as I held the barter used in mixing the pancake toward my mouth singing loudly as my body moved to the invisible tone in my head.

Laughter could be heard behind me as Emily came towards me as she started dancing along.
Am sure that my smile is more happy and geniue and filled with life.
When we stoped dancing we were gasping for breath but our face showed happiness
" When was the last time we did that" Em said as she brushed the blonde hair out of her eyes.
" in 6th grade when we both went for the talent show" I said my mind wandering towards the memory that was once faded.
" yeah that was one hell of a show"
" can't believe I literally broke my leg" Em said eyes holding some much emotion as she recalled that beautiful memory

Maybe memories aren't so bad since they shape who you are and who you become
Yeah good memories are valuable but sometimes we need to still look back at the bad memories to live life to the fullest
Noah's memories will Make me and not break me