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Sad movies
My mom doesn't like when I watch sad movies because she doesn't want me to be sad but I really like them because they make me think of life and that's when I start to write all the things I think. It's easier for me to write when I'm sad or when I have a lot in my mind.
Don't you ever think of how we are all living at the same time? We all have our problems and feelings. We all feel.
I'm not sad anymore but I get so bad when I remember how I used to feel. I was so lost, so sad. I used to pretend I was full of happiness and to be positive when I wasn't. When I only wanted to rest.
I want to be a writer so bad, I want to be seen. I want to stop feeling scared when I show my writings, but most of all, I want to stop caring of what others think because compliments are never enough for me. I want to stop living of them.
I want to be special and at the same time I feel like I already am. I want to make all my dreams come true and at the same time I am scared of how long that can take me.
I want to be everything and at the same time I want to be unique.
I want to have a book but I don't know what to write. I don't want any advice and at the same time I wish to know someone with the same dream as me.
I want to be an outgoing person so badly but even if I try I just can't. I can't pretend to be something I'm not, not anymore. The words never come out of my mouth, ironic isn't? I throw up in the paper so easily but in real life I can't do it. I am a fraud?
I want to have a lot of friends but I know is better when you have only a couple of them.
I wish I knew how to make all prejudices go away, not only in me but in everyone else.
I feel jealous (in a good way) when I read a breathtaking poem and I sometimes wish I would have wrote it.
I know I have things to improve but I feel so proud of each of my poems and writings, even the ones I don't like.
I wish we still used the ink to write and I wish I had a writing machine but I think I can get one in the future.
Did I ever tell you I paint too? I wish I had met Van Gogh. I wish I could tell him how great he is. I wish I could have helped him, I wish I could have helped you. I'm sorry, I promised that I would let you go but you know I saw a sad movie and now I can't stop writing but I like it, I like to be obsessive about writing. Do you think my dad would like my writings? And my grandma? I am scared of showing them. I am scared of having to explain my poems to them. it would feel like someone is killing me. And at the same time I want to overcome that fear, but watch me; I am anonymous even here.
I don't know from where or who I got the love for writing. Shit. I don't even look like anyone in my family, but I don't feel sad about that. not anymore. Now I don't care, now I just do my thing.
I soon will be 19 and before I was so excited about it because I was going to be older. But now when I say it out loud I don't think that's too old. I keep wishing of being wiser but sometimes that comes with age; even though my mom always told me her secrets (and still does) because "I'm more mature than others". I always take it as a compliment but I think that's what made me want to be more; to wish everyone telling me I'm better. And by now and with everything you have read I think you know I have a problem with being the number one. I know it's bad to be like that sometimes. But I sometimes like to feel like the big lion. I like knowing I did my best and to get the best. And I know most people won't even bother reading all of this and that makes me think; What does people like to read? How can I make them wanting to read me? But again. I want to stay loyal to my style. To my forever imagination, loyal to me seeing things people don't notice and write about it.
I write a diary and I write to an audience that still doesn't exist. I hope they do someday. Anyways. I wish and I want a lot of things and I honestly think they can happen; That I can be as great as Van Gogh, that I can be the best seller some day.
Stay and keep dreaming, that's why we are here. Just remember to make them all real. I know you can do it. We all can.
© Mchild
Don't you ever think of how we are all living at the same time? We all have our problems and feelings. We all feel.
I'm not sad anymore but I get so bad when I remember how I used to feel. I was so lost, so sad. I used to pretend I was full of happiness and to be positive when I wasn't. When I only wanted to rest.
I want to be a writer so bad, I want to be seen. I want to stop feeling scared when I show my writings, but most of all, I want to stop caring of what others think because compliments are never enough for me. I want to stop living of them.
I want to be special and at the same time I feel like I already am. I want to make all my dreams come true and at the same time I am scared of how long that can take me.
I want to be everything and at the same time I want to be unique.
I want to have a book but I don't know what to write. I don't want any advice and at the same time I wish to know someone with the same dream as me.
I want to be an outgoing person so badly but even if I try I just can't. I can't pretend to be something I'm not, not anymore. The words never come out of my mouth, ironic isn't? I throw up in the paper so easily but in real life I can't do it. I am a fraud?
I want to have a lot of friends but I know is better when you have only a couple of them.
I wish I knew how to make all prejudices go away, not only in me but in everyone else.
I feel jealous (in a good way) when I read a breathtaking poem and I sometimes wish I would have wrote it.
I know I have things to improve but I feel so proud of each of my poems and writings, even the ones I don't like.
I wish we still used the ink to write and I wish I had a writing machine but I think I can get one in the future.
Did I ever tell you I paint too? I wish I had met Van Gogh. I wish I could tell him how great he is. I wish I could have helped him, I wish I could have helped you. I'm sorry, I promised that I would let you go but you know I saw a sad movie and now I can't stop writing but I like it, I like to be obsessive about writing. Do you think my dad would like my writings? And my grandma? I am scared of showing them. I am scared of having to explain my poems to them. it would feel like someone is killing me. And at the same time I want to overcome that fear, but watch me; I am anonymous even here.
I don't know from where or who I got the love for writing. Shit. I don't even look like anyone in my family, but I don't feel sad about that. not anymore. Now I don't care, now I just do my thing.
I soon will be 19 and before I was so excited about it because I was going to be older. But now when I say it out loud I don't think that's too old. I keep wishing of being wiser but sometimes that comes with age; even though my mom always told me her secrets (and still does) because "I'm more mature than others". I always take it as a compliment but I think that's what made me want to be more; to wish everyone telling me I'm better. And by now and with everything you have read I think you know I have a problem with being the number one. I know it's bad to be like that sometimes. But I sometimes like to feel like the big lion. I like knowing I did my best and to get the best. And I know most people won't even bother reading all of this and that makes me think; What does people like to read? How can I make them wanting to read me? But again. I want to stay loyal to my style. To my forever imagination, loyal to me seeing things people don't notice and write about it.
I write a diary and I write to an audience that still doesn't exist. I hope they do someday. Anyways. I wish and I want a lot of things and I honestly think they can happen; That I can be as great as Van Gogh, that I can be the best seller some day.
Stay and keep dreaming, that's why we are here. Just remember to make them all real. I know you can do it. We all can.
© Mchild
