I remember the day i had my first child, it was a pretty normal day for me, I went to school, had choir practice and was driven home by my boyfriend Baxter. After he made sure i was comfortable and surrounded by snacks he left and i began to do my homework, i was stuffing my face with Pringles when my water broke. I thought that i had peed the bed so I quickly rescued my homework from the mess I had made and called my mom in to help, one look at my sheets and my mother knew I was in labor. She and my dad rushed me to the hospital and got me situated, I was in active labor and definitely feeling labor pains when Baxter arrived, I pushed with all my might and out came the most gorgeous little girl I had ever seen. The nurses cleaned her up and then the adoption papers were brought in for Baxter and I to sign. We met the couple again and they reminded us that it was an open adoption hence, when she turned 18 she could contact me if she wanted to. They left my baby with me to say my goodbyes, as they left I sighed deeply and lay back, grateful that both my daughter and I had bright futures ahead of us; me at Juilliard and she with a new family….



30 YEARS LATER

A lot had happened since I had my baby all those years ago, I graduated high school, I went to Juilliard and polished my violin skills. I graduated with honors and was first chair in my school’s orchestra throughout my time in school. Baxter and I never broke up even after high school, I think besides the fact that we were crazy about each other, we were forever bonded by shared experiences. He went to accounting school after high school and became an accountant, I got a job playing violin with the country’s top orchestra, we played four times a week in the city’s opera house. Baxter asked me to marry him one night after he came to see me perform, and I said yes, I had loved him since he spilled his strawberry smoothie on me in the fourth grade.

Our wedding was beautiful and solemn, most people we invited were not surprised that we were getting married. We had Forrest after three years of marriage and Lizzie one year later. Before we had Lizzie,Baxter and I had never really spoken about our first daughter, it was too painful for both of us but when Lizzie was born we both knew that our daughter was probably 18 and wondered if she was going to contact us. We held out hope for a while but we were gravely disappointed. We just tried to focus on our lives and our children and just keep moving forward.

“Kids!! We’re going to be late!, Forrest help your sister with her shoes. Becky chose a really ,really bad day to be late. Baxter could you please get breakfast started?, Becky isn’t here yet.”

“Mrs Rivers, so sorry I’m late, I also need to tell you that I’m quitting. My boyfriend got a job in Hawaii and I’m leaving with him”

“ Becky that’s great but such bad timing, I’m performing at the opera house all week and Baxter’s working too, when do you leave??”

“ We leave tonight, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience, but I could take the kids to school now if that helps”

“That’ll be amazing, thank you and I wish you and your boyfriend good luck in Hawaii”


I couldn’t believe it, what was I going to do for the rest of the week?. We were booked solid at the opera house. My husband calmed me down and assured me that we were going to find a baby sitter before the week began.
Right after we put the kids to bed that night, we hit the internet and contacted as many babysitters we could and offered them interviews the next day.
We began the interviews the very next day. We met very qualified and overly expensive candidates, under qualified and creepy candidates, some who couldn’t handle two kids, one who was clearly high, a drunk and just some really underwhelming ones. In that moment I really missed and appreciated Becky, she was perfect and my kids loved her. I was about to shut the door when a young lady walked in; She was short, had blue hair and brown eyes and a gorgeous smile

“I was just about to end the interviews “ I said

“ Oh I’m not here for the interview “

“Oh I’m sorry, why are you here then?” I asked

She took a long, hard look at me and said “ you know what I am here for the interview, I was just afraid I wasn’t going to get the job , you know, can I please still interview??”

I agreed and we interviewed her, she said she was an artist,didn’t have any references but she stated that she was good with kids because she spent her time volunteering with kids in the community center whenever she could and could work any time of the week, night or day. She left her contact information and then left. Later that night, Baxter and I looked over our candidates again and agreed that they all weren’t a good fit for our children except the last girl

“Her name was Sadie, there was just something about her, just the way she looked at me was very comforting, very I’ve got your back, she’s an artist too, Forrest is going to love that and Lizzie is going to love her blue hair” I said,

“ Yeah I liked her too, very free spirited she seemed and I trust your gut, you say she’s our new Becky she’s our new Becky” Baxter replied

I contacted her the next day and she was happy to begin work that very day. When she met the kids she was kind and gentle and brought them lots of arts supplies, but there was still something about her that I couldn’t put my finger on, especially when she looked at me, she looked at me with a longing that I couldn’t explain.
Sadie soon became a permanent fixture in my house, she was doing pick ups and drop offs, she was staying for dinner, making dinner, she met my parents and Baxter’s parents over the holidays and even came to a couple of my weekday shows, the afternoon ones which no one really came to. I wouldn’t see her sitting in the front row waving at me during my solo, she knew I couldn’t wave back so I’d smile back at her.

After being with us for two years Sadie told me that she needed to talk to me. I thought she was going to ask for a raise which she deserved because at that point she was practically running our house, getting groceries, doing laundry and cleaning up whenever she could

“Mrs Rivers, remember when I came for the interview? It wasn’t really true. I was coming over here to tell you that I’m your daughter.”


I was stunned, speechless, shaking with tears in my eyes but I managed to ask “ How did you find me, ?”

“I was recently going through my parent’s stuff and found a folder with an envelope inside it. It was a letter from the adoption agency and a telephone number. I called and they told me everything, they told me my parents were obligated to tell me about you and how to contact you but they never did. The lady on the phone asked me if I still wanted to contact you and gave me your parent’s number. I called and told them that I was an old friend from Juilliard and they happily gave me your address”

I sat down and began to speak “ Sadie, your father and I never meant to abandon you. We had you when we were so young, we were both seniors in high school and I had just gotten a full scholarship to Juilliard to play the violin. We only agreed to the adoption because it was open and one day when we were in a better place your father and I could reunite with you. Believe me when I say that we never forgot you, you were always in our hearts and we hoped that you would contact us. Tell me, were they good to you?”


“Yes, they were good to me, they took me to the best schools and loved me as if I was their own,their names were Annie and David. They died in an accident a couple of years ago.” Sadie answered and then we hugged for a long time. “ I can’t wait till your father gets home, he’s going to be so happy”

“So you really married my father huh, even after he knocked you up at 17” she jokingly said

“ Your father is the only one for me Sadie, he’s my person, my best friend “ I replied.

We told Baxter the news as soon as he got home and he too began to cry as he hugged her. I had seen Baxter cry a lot over the years, he was a pretty emotional man; he was the kind of man who would cry over a sad movie or sad commercial on tv but this was different, these tears were deep and raw, like a heavy weight had been lifted off of him.

“Guys that’s not all I wanted to say. I’m dying. I’ve been struggling with a tumor in my brain for 9 years now, that’s why I wear a blue wig, the chemo destroyed all of my hair.I went into remission but recently I started getting intense migraines so I went and got tested the cancer is back and it’s spread. My oncologist says it’s stage 4 now . I just got my test results Back yesterday “Sadie said

We both pulled back from her and looked at each other. We had just found her and now we were going to loose her again?

“ Can we at least get a second opinion?” I asked and she nodded.

We did get a second opinion with the oncologist at our regular hospital and the results were the same. Baxter and I were devastated and we knew that we had very little time together with Sadie. We informed both our parents and they came over and met Sadie again, it was a very emotional day for everyone, so many tears were shed, so many apologies rendered but ultimately we were glad that she was back in our lives even if it was for a short period of time. We also explained to Forrest and Lizzie how Sadie was their big sister, I don’t think they fully understood us but they hugged her and welcomed her to the family, it was all very sweet.

As the cancer got more aggressive we invited Sadie to move in with us. She didn’t want to die in hospice so we set up everything for her at home and tried to keep her comfortable. My brave girl fought for 6 good months but couldn’t hold out any longer, she was in so much pain and was tired.
On the day she died she looked at Baxter and I and said “ Mom, dad, I’m so glad I got to know you, these past few years have been so great, getting to know you again , we’re really lucky because this is the perfect goodbye”.
She passed shortly after that.




We held a funeral for her where we met some people in her life, some friends from the community center and all the kids she was teaching art to. I was really glad that she was making a difference in their lives. Sometimes I forget she’s gone and hope to see her walk in with Forrest and Lizzie. I also imagine her face in the crowd when I play on those afternoons when nobody really shows up and see her in the front row, waving hard at me and on days things are really hard I remember her saying to me that even if we had nothing,we had the perfect goodbye.


THE END.