I know people come and go, but the pain always stays. Why do I have to keep suffering? The smile on my face, is not even real. I can fake being happy, but my eyes can show you the real me. The sadness, the painfulness of suffering. Why people always want to hurt me in different ways? Why did you let me come down to gain a body that no one cares about? I know I'm not supposed to ask questions about myself to you God, that's what people tell me. I just don't understand why you let me see two different visions when I was 13 or 14 when I was planning on committing suicide after my brother calling me horrible name's and being treated like shit at school from k-12th. Being molested, raped and get abused in different ways! I'm very tired God, very tired. I do understand the first vision, but the second one I kinda understand it too, but I don't have my second son with me and it kills me inside every day, I just have my first son. I don't understand why you let people hurt me when I didn't even know better. I was a child God! I thought you love your children! I'm having a hard time healing and a guy that I love so much, that doesn't only want me. Why give me a body that no guy really doesn't want? Why give me a body that I can't gain weight with? Why let me be born with scoliosis? Why you let me have a father on earth to hurt me badly? I pray to you and your never listening! If my kid's haven't ever been born and that I didn't listen to you, I wouldn't be here, I would of be long gone. I'm very tired of fighting to stay strong, just to keep on suffering from everything. My soul is becoming dark and the light that you want me to keep following, is very dim that I can't see it. It's been like that ever since I was little child age 3. I know you are there God, but I know I'm not the child your not happy with. That's why your letting me suffer! Right!? One of your suffering children that is fading from the light.
© Charlotte B.