party or sex?
it was obvious
I was a party girl
but
that one December night
was odd
and I chose him
over disco lights,
silly friends,
and iced vodka

(dim room, slice of moonlight, and me, legs spread wide on a dining table)

fool
i was 19 then
of course I was still foolish
foolish enough to believe
giving my "V" to a 32-year-old married man would make a difference

fool

(i was his midnight dish, fresh and uncorrupted)

i didn't know what was happening
hell,
I didn't even know fucking means relentlessly thrusting someone's dick in and out of vagina
my ignorant self thought you put it there inside, and that's it
i attribute it for not having sex education and the refusal to watch porn

fool

(cold floor, his uniform as a mat, him on top of me)

i didn't know it would hurt
or that it would bleed
or that I'd walk into his class
kinda limping the next day

(me, right cheek pressed on the wall, hands above my head, how uncomfortable, I thought)

fool

so that was sex,
that was my first,
it didn't gave me much pleasure
i liked the kisses more
kisses are sweet and they tingle my nerves
sex hurt

(hasty retreat, hushed voices, and my vomit)

party or sex?

(no, thank you, sir)

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