I used to keep my mobile inside the locker... So that I don't call him or msg him.
I stopped applying oil to my body before my bath... I forgot how to bathe...
I kept myself busy with note preparation, doing housework, cooking and feeding others, or doing nothing just looking at the sky, mountains, buildings, birds, sun, and moon.
Nothing helped me to forget Sagen Rajput.
One day his text was received.
Tried you since yesterday... You are ok...? Swath...
My heart almost craved to hear him...
I called him...
He cut my call.
He called back.
My eyes dropped ocean on my face as I heard ... His word "Hello Swath"
I heard the wind blow through his flank.
I could not able to speak. I just made a voice... Hmmm.
How are you? He asked in a low voice...
I felt the pain to answer him back...
I collected words and said, "What about you? "
"Yar ... " he uttered.
I was speechless and said everything in my heart.
I cut the call so that I can bring words to talk with him... Also not to let him know I m crying.

"Swath... Can we meet tomorrow"
I felt to run now ... But my emotions which are hurt, that I said." No. "
Again we both were silent.
"Ok, Call me if it's possible for you."
I felt again hurt over my love...that had called him so many times...
I picked my mind and scratched my forehead to say,
"I won't call or msg you. "
Silence again for us.
"Ok. Bye. Tc. "


"Stop being this Swa... You both need to sit and talk... " Madhu said.
"Plz ... Don't forget he doesn't calls her or ask about her or msg her at least once. He becomes visible when he is here in the city and once he is gone he is the invisible man. Let him text, let him find a way to cheer her up if he loves" Rammya said while eating Vadapav dipping in green chutney.
"Yar... Stop... I'm not going to call him... That's it. " I said and looked at the sky in blue.

On the same day ... Ramya and a few friends of mine, were sitting on a platform bench for locals.
Nobody in the gang saw Sagen.
Even Ramya couldn't meet him the previous time.

A male voice approached my ear.
Swath... I was so irritated by the recent proposal of a boy. I thought he is again back to irritate me!
I turned and saw... Sagen...
My eyes got filled... I thought I m dead and got a rebirth again!
He stood near with folded hands, in a black shirt, and ... Not noticed anything... Just blankets covered in my eyes.
At that place, the maximum were students of my college, so all eyes can get noticed.
The whizzing sound of girls...who he is... Her bf... What ...
My ear can hear all these whizzing as background music...

Soon the background got silenced, and the view got disappeared.

He couldn't speak out.
We step aside a bit. I looked at Ramya.
She had all her eyes and ears and was ready to yell if he speak something to hurt me and I cry out!

I couldn't find words.
Silence just silence.
After some time he said... I Love you Swath.
I felt...but I don't know exactly what ...
Ok.
He tried to hold my hand. I crossed it in anger.

My anger, pain, hurting... All pop up... Confusing me and my action.

"Swath... Stop being like this... It won't help us...All I came is for you. I need to tell you... " he said trying to look in my eyes which I refused to.
No ...no...need... You know what, you can't tell me... Becoz we lack intimacy... You think ...saying Love means everything... Then it's wrong Sagen... You hurt me... with silence. Your brother's wedding comes to know through the news channel... that's ok ...that's your family matter...I ignored it... You cannot call or text me... at least ask me... No... Tell something... No... It's hard ... I can't forget that you cheated... "
He cut my line.
Hey, I never cheated you...its just that... I hide... He went wordless.
He looked at the sky and back at me.
My head was banging... No words ...how to handle ...nothing...
Silence took over.
After some time I said..."It's over Sagen... Go live your life... I will not disturb you ever. "
I ignored looking at him...as my feelings may break out and I may again fall for him...again will be a mess!

Local came. I stepped up. He kept looking at me. His looks were changed now... Got bit fat... Unshaven face...dark patched eyes... He looked completely messy like a villain!
As the local moved... I cried out... Everybody saw me... Ramya and a few friends tried to console me. But my bursting heart... Was not letting this happen... I felt to run back to him.

That day I couldn't sleep, the next day again... the third day again... By the fourth day, I was lost like mad. Nothing I felt, nothing I speak.

I saw Sagen standing at the front gate of my college. I ignored him...
He followed me silently.
Ramya held my hand... And said "stop yar... Stop being like this...
If it had to end... It would have ended long back."

I saw Sagen... If you need causal relation then plz go... I can't be like that...
He was frustrated... W...... Causal. ?
Madhu also came there by that time... Seeing Madhu... Sagen said," Ok... It's just I respect you all somewhere... I don't want to hurt any...... So I kept things to myself."
He took a breath... "Yes I hide from you Swath... But I never cheated on you"...
I was busy with my exams, projects, ...... I was irritated by calls either from you, Zoya, or Sofi."
He erased a long breath and looked at me...and bit his nails ...(sign of frustrated Sagen).

Sofi... We three looked at him as if why she will call him.

"Yeah... She is the pathetic thing than Zoya!"

I sat on the steps of a small building.
Madhu was shocked. She sat on the katta.
Ramya still holding my hand in shock.... She said, looking at Sagen,"Sofi... What did she said to you... Complaint about Swa...a... Hmmm...? "
© Saranya Anish Nair