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Little Bit of Gay <3
“Tracey, get your ass back down here!” I heard my father scream from behind me
“I don’t have time for your dumbass rants! Don’t you get that no matter how much you try to change me, I’m not going to? This is who I am! AND I GO BY TANNER!” I said, praying not to choke up. I ran up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door shut behind me, locking it.
I slid down the floor, choking on my tears.
I just need him to love me. To accept me. I dug my nails into my skin, shutting my eyes tight trying to control my breathing. You have somewhere to go. You can’t do this right now, I kept telling myself. I got off the floor and yanked open the drawer of my dresser and pulled out my journal. I rarely use it, only when I need to control myself and my emotions are becoming overwhelming.
Dear me,
Three days ago I came out as nonbinary and pan to my father. He didn’t take it lightly. He kept getting angrier and angrier as I explained until he stood up, called me a disgrace to the Cooper name, and walked away. Today we got into a big fight again. He told me what it isn’t possible that I will always be his little girl. Nothing more. Nothing. I can barely breathe. What do I do? How do I keep going knowing that I have finally pushed away the last person in my life that loved me? I can;t just drop him, he’s my dad. But I can’t stay in this house. What do I do? WHERE DO I GO??? I need help. But I don’t have anyone.
I heard a pounding on my door and I dropped the book on the floor, shoving it under the dresser.
“Tracey, open the door.” My father sounded exhausted, like he was 60 instead of a 43 year old.
“What do you want? I said, wiping away my tears.
“There’s someone here to talk to you. Just come out, Tracey.” He punched the door, as if he was attempting to control his anger.
I walked to the door and pulled it open. He motioned for me to go down the stairs. I saw two women, well into their 50’s, sitting at the table. They smiled sweetly, and motioned for me to sit down in front of them. I sat, confused.
“Can I help you?” I asked, hoping my eyes weren’t swollen.
“No, actually we’re here to help you, Tracey-”
“It’s Tanner, actually.”
I heard my father sign in agitation behind me. I was in no mood to talk.
The women smiled,
“Okay, well, I’m Miss Tolen and this is Miss Coster. We’re from recreation for teens, a summer camp that lasts 4 ½ months, and your father was hoping we'd make a late acceptance, and considering how last minute it was, we came here to pick you up and just take you with us. We’ll wait here for 30 minutes while you go and pack your things.” They never stopped smiling.
“I didn’t sign up for a summer camp” I never budged from my seat.
“No, but your father did. See, this is a camp to help you. It’s kind of like church camp, only it focuses around helping our lost youth. The kids who don’t see their sins-” They spoke as if it was normal
“And what, exactly, sin have I made?” I felt the anger boiling inside of me
“Well, your father asked us to withhold certain information so if you mind going to pack-”
I stood up and spun to face my dad.
“So you just thought you could ship me off to some conversion therapy camp? Are you serious? YOu know what, if it’s so hard for you to accept me the way that I am, Then I’m done.” I marched to my room and locked it behind me and started throwing clothes into a bag.
I heard them talking in the room below me;
“I can see that she won’t come willingly, so we’ll wait until she comes down, because she’ll have to eventually. We’ve often seen situations like this but I can guarantee you’ll get your money’s worth at this camp. When she comes down, we’ll need my workers to seize her. She’ll panic, but we’ll give her a sedative to calm her down.”
I couldn't believe it. My own father. My anger near boiling over, I climbed out my window. If they thought I was going to some on-earth hell hole, they were wrong.
I started running down the street as fast as I could, not stopping for anyone. I ran until I felt my lungs would burst, and my legs felt like over boiled spaghetti noddles. My head got really dizzy, and I saw a girls concerned face running towards me before everything went black.
I'll have part 2 out soon ^^
Happy Pride Month to all flavors of gay~!
Do NOT let opertaion Pridefall get to you, and remember, YOU ARE VALID <3
LOVE IS LOVE~
“I don’t have time for your dumbass rants! Don’t you get that no matter how much you try to change me, I’m not going to? This is who I am! AND I GO BY TANNER!” I said, praying not to choke up. I ran up the stairs and slammed my bedroom door shut behind me, locking it.
I slid down the floor, choking on my tears.
I just need him to love me. To accept me. I dug my nails into my skin, shutting my eyes tight trying to control my breathing. You have somewhere to go. You can’t do this right now, I kept telling myself. I got off the floor and yanked open the drawer of my dresser and pulled out my journal. I rarely use it, only when I need to control myself and my emotions are becoming overwhelming.
Dear me,
Three days ago I came out as nonbinary and pan to my father. He didn’t take it lightly. He kept getting angrier and angrier as I explained until he stood up, called me a disgrace to the Cooper name, and walked away. Today we got into a big fight again. He told me what it isn’t possible that I will always be his little girl. Nothing more. Nothing. I can barely breathe. What do I do? How do I keep going knowing that I have finally pushed away the last person in my life that loved me? I can;t just drop him, he’s my dad. But I can’t stay in this house. What do I do? WHERE DO I GO??? I need help. But I don’t have anyone.
I heard a pounding on my door and I dropped the book on the floor, shoving it under the dresser.
“Tracey, open the door.” My father sounded exhausted, like he was 60 instead of a 43 year old.
“What do you want? I said, wiping away my tears.
“There’s someone here to talk to you. Just come out, Tracey.” He punched the door, as if he was attempting to control his anger.
I walked to the door and pulled it open. He motioned for me to go down the stairs. I saw two women, well into their 50’s, sitting at the table. They smiled sweetly, and motioned for me to sit down in front of them. I sat, confused.
“Can I help you?” I asked, hoping my eyes weren’t swollen.
“No, actually we’re here to help you, Tracey-”
“It’s Tanner, actually.”
I heard my father sign in agitation behind me. I was in no mood to talk.
The women smiled,
“Okay, well, I’m Miss Tolen and this is Miss Coster. We’re from recreation for teens, a summer camp that lasts 4 ½ months, and your father was hoping we'd make a late acceptance, and considering how last minute it was, we came here to pick you up and just take you with us. We’ll wait here for 30 minutes while you go and pack your things.” They never stopped smiling.
“I didn’t sign up for a summer camp” I never budged from my seat.
“No, but your father did. See, this is a camp to help you. It’s kind of like church camp, only it focuses around helping our lost youth. The kids who don’t see their sins-” They spoke as if it was normal
“And what, exactly, sin have I made?” I felt the anger boiling inside of me
“Well, your father asked us to withhold certain information so if you mind going to pack-”
I stood up and spun to face my dad.
“So you just thought you could ship me off to some conversion therapy camp? Are you serious? YOu know what, if it’s so hard for you to accept me the way that I am, Then I’m done.” I marched to my room and locked it behind me and started throwing clothes into a bag.
I heard them talking in the room below me;
“I can see that she won’t come willingly, so we’ll wait until she comes down, because she’ll have to eventually. We’ve often seen situations like this but I can guarantee you’ll get your money’s worth at this camp. When she comes down, we’ll need my workers to seize her. She’ll panic, but we’ll give her a sedative to calm her down.”
I couldn't believe it. My own father. My anger near boiling over, I climbed out my window. If they thought I was going to some on-earth hell hole, they were wrong.
I started running down the street as fast as I could, not stopping for anyone. I ran until I felt my lungs would burst, and my legs felt like over boiled spaghetti noddles. My head got really dizzy, and I saw a girls concerned face running towards me before everything went black.
I'll have part 2 out soon ^^
Happy Pride Month to all flavors of gay~!
Do NOT let opertaion Pridefall get to you, and remember, YOU ARE VALID <3
LOVE IS LOVE~
