we live in a small house
or to be specific
a small room
i don't know how many metres
so whenever someone asks
i tell them
five foot steps
that's how much it takes to
walk from the door to the wall's end

five foot steps
four people
and an almost-forgotten memory
that's our home

my father
he's just a memory to me now
he left when my mouth first learn
how to speak the word
'papa'

the only question i asked
to my mother for three years after that was
'did he leave because i said it wrong?' after three years
the question changed to
'did he not like my voice?' that's what the people who leave
do to you
they make you turn into people
who blame only themselves for
what happened
they make you turn into people
who can only see the bad in themselves

it's worse for Ma
she still leaves the key to the house
under the mat
'he'll come back'
she says every evening
and every night
she goes to sleep with two eyes glued to the door
and a heart that still belongs to a person who doesn't want it

me and Ma
are sitting on the pavement
just outside our house
i am telling Ma
what we learnt at school today
'Ma, did you know that the sun is a star?'
Ma seems lost somewhere
the sun is just about to vanish
when she points at it
and says
'see, some people are just like the sun star
they go away
but they return too'

how do i explain to her
that there are other kinds of stars too
the shooting stars
that once go away
never come back
the ones that die
but still shine bright in the sky
the ones that give false hopes

how do i make you see Ma
that he's not coming back
how do i tell you
that you're not the reason he left
how do i explain to you
that sometimes the going away
of some people
is exactly what you need .

© Aryan