I feel so broken and numb inside, that at times I just want to let go. I just want to sleep the day away so I don't feel my pain in my heart. But I don't want to dream, because I hurt from what I dream about. I don't understand why good people always have to get treated the way they do, as the people that treat you like shit gets treated better than good people do. I always been a good person that always gets treated like shit. I don't care about looks like most people do. To me looks and body size doesn't matter, it's how the person treats you what truly matters and most people don't understand that. But what I learned mostly from guys, looks do matter and body size. If a person is not happy with the person they got with after awhile, they start looking for someone else and I'm waiting for my guy to leave me just like every guy that I been with. If he does, I'm done with guys. All they ever taught me is that they are never happy, unless they have what ever guy wants is a perfect size body from a hottest woman or woman's because it seems like they want all the hot perfect women they can get. Instead of accepting only one woman to only want to love from. I know most women are the same, but not me. I was raised from my mother to truly love. Not to abuse love like it's a fucken game to play around with. I don't think that I'm even pretty because every guy that has hurt me and broken my heart made me feel like I'm not good enough. I been trying to figure out not to give a fuck what my guy does anymore. He will always keep hurting me and I'm done explaining how he makes me feel like I'm not good enough for him like all them other women are to him. Sorry, sorry if I offend anyone on here cuz I know some guys are not like that. It's just that I always get the wrong ones I guess. I only want is to be truly loved and happy from a guy that actually loves me the same way that I do. The only things my sick father taught me, is that guys are going to hurt you. He hurt me by sexual abused me. "molested me." So I guess I'm not supposed to be truly happy. I think that's what my father was trying to tell me is that only men are supposed to be happy not women. Men are aloud to do whatever they want and us women are not aloud to. Guys get hand fives for having sex with a lot of women, but if we have sex with a lot of guys we get called names. I'm tired of being treated the way I do. It's my turn to stand up to what I think is right. If I lose people for being honest about how I feel from the way I get treated, it's ok with me. No one stays anyway. Nothing new to me.
© Charlotte B.