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It’s Complicated
The following snippet is from a podcast called, “Krew Season.”
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.
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“The relationship is suffering, because you don’t prioritize it. You prioritize everything that’s going on outside—ABOVE your relationship… and then expect your relationship to flourish, or expect your significant other to just understand, and to still be happy-go-lucky, and doing everything in terms of their duty within the relationship.
It doesn’t work like that.
It’s about time. It’s about intention. It’s about prioritization—letting that woman know that she’s important in your life.
I understand you gotta go chase your bag, pursue your career, solidify the future, solidify the legacy, things of that nature—but what’s the point in doing all that and getting to that finish line if you’re by yourself when you get there?
Value that relationship. Value that woman—because that right there is gonna be the backbone of everything you’re building. And you gotta treat it that way. You can’t just put it to the back burner as something that ‘I can get around to’ … because eventually, that woman is not going to be there for you to get around to.”
.
.
.
Was scrolling YouTube before bed the other night, when I chanced across this quote. It resonates very much—and I wanted to share.
I’m going through a bit of a difficult time. A guy I really like has been distant toward me lately. Things started off really well… We had amazing conversation, and he felt so familiar—just very comfortable, to be around. We bonded quickly, and things were just so, so great.
But something has changed. Almost overnight, it seemed. No more sending little texts “just because,” not putting in time or effort anymore... I’m carrying the weight of this connection squarely on my shoulders, at this point.
I try to be mindful of the crown on my head, that I don’t need to put up with this behavior. But sometimes, I just want a soft spot to land, a quiet space, to take a break for just a moment… and let my tears flow. And earlier, I got that quiet time I sought. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I’ve been put on the back burner before… and I’m afraid it’s happening again. The back burner has become a second home to me, and I’m just so damn tired of it. Frustrated. It hurts. I am a human being with feelings, and it hurts.
I’m not worried about him chasing his dreams… I actively encourage doing so, and everything else he has passion for. I tell him that he can achieve anything, everything he wants, and then some—I assure him that there are no limits. I build him up, and fill his cup to the brim with care and support.
What I *am* worried about… is the possibility that this sudden distance… is about someone else. It could be past hurts from others causing me to unfairly project suspicions onto him… my insecurities and things. Which are my problem. It’s just… I worry.
And then I feel anger. Anger at the thought of my suspicions being correct. Anger, that’s not so much about there possibly being someone else… it’s more about the idea that he has in his brain that says, “It’s okay to keep her around just long enough to determine what it is that you want.”
No, if you can’t make up your mind, you
set
me
free.
Or else, I will free myself.
I am not going to allow my life to play out on standby. Either we pursue our connection, or, kindly: get out of my way, because I have things to do and you’re wasting my time.
I long to be someone’s priority. He was mine. As packed of a schedule as I have—I MADE room for him. I *forced* room for him in my life, like too many commuters packing into a subway car. I adjusted my life to make things work. I let him know I care. I let him know where I stand. And now, I have no idea what’s going on.
My heart hurts. I’m hoping there are some serious misunderstandings happening, here. I have tried to communicate everything I’m saying here, to him, but I either receive an open-ended and vague response, or no response at all. I am being breadcrumbed into remaining in this purgatory hell. I do not have to be here, no—I do realize this.
…
Consider this a journal entry of sorts, I guess. idk. I won’t make it a habit—boring you all with this kind of content. I just wanted to let some weight off of my heart, I’d been dragging it around with me for too long. I hoped maybe someone out there might offer me some much-needed advice. Honest advice, inconvenient truths. You do not have to spare my feelings with pretty lies. I’m lost, and seek clarity.
I’ve prayed on this connection, fervently. Ultimately, I will be okay. I’ve been at this life thing on my own for 33 years already… if things don’t work out, I will survive. Not only survive, but thrive. I just get tired of being my own rock sometimes.
To other women out there who have been through this, or who are going through this right now: I see you. I am sending you so much love, so much support, so many hugs.
To the men of the world who are even thinking of putting a good woman on the back burner: understand who it is that you have in front of you right now, while she is still there, in front of you. While she is still there, for you. Someone else could come along who excites you, but don’t throw away calm and steady for short-lived excitement.
Think long-term. Think of the big picture. Find a woman who pours love into you, and keep her. Do not ever let her go. Realize that she is making you her priority, while you are only viewing her as an option. Realize that what you’re doing to her is wrong, and set her free if you can’t make up your mind about what you want. Either be with her, or don’t be with her. Do not waste one more second of her precious time.
.
.
.
x
photo credit:
Larm Rmah // Unsplash
© branypoo
.
.
.
“The relationship is suffering, because you don’t prioritize it. You prioritize everything that’s going on outside—ABOVE your relationship… and then expect your relationship to flourish, or expect your significant other to just understand, and to still be happy-go-lucky, and doing everything in terms of their duty within the relationship.
It doesn’t work like that.
It’s about time. It’s about intention. It’s about prioritization—letting that woman know that she’s important in your life.
I understand you gotta go chase your bag, pursue your career, solidify the future, solidify the legacy, things of that nature—but what’s the point in doing all that and getting to that finish line if you’re by yourself when you get there?
Value that relationship. Value that woman—because that right there is gonna be the backbone of everything you’re building. And you gotta treat it that way. You can’t just put it to the back burner as something that ‘I can get around to’ … because eventually, that woman is not going to be there for you to get around to.”
.
.
.
Was scrolling YouTube before bed the other night, when I chanced across this quote. It resonates very much—and I wanted to share.
I’m going through a bit of a difficult time. A guy I really like has been distant toward me lately. Things started off really well… We had amazing conversation, and he felt so familiar—just very comfortable, to be around. We bonded quickly, and things were just so, so great.
But something has changed. Almost overnight, it seemed. No more sending little texts “just because,” not putting in time or effort anymore... I’m carrying the weight of this connection squarely on my shoulders, at this point.
I try to be mindful of the crown on my head, that I don’t need to put up with this behavior. But sometimes, I just want a soft spot to land, a quiet space, to take a break for just a moment… and let my tears flow. And earlier, I got that quiet time I sought. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.
I’ve been put on the back burner before… and I’m afraid it’s happening again. The back burner has become a second home to me, and I’m just so damn tired of it. Frustrated. It hurts. I am a human being with feelings, and it hurts.
I’m not worried about him chasing his dreams… I actively encourage doing so, and everything else he has passion for. I tell him that he can achieve anything, everything he wants, and then some—I assure him that there are no limits. I build him up, and fill his cup to the brim with care and support.
What I *am* worried about… is the possibility that this sudden distance… is about someone else. It could be past hurts from others causing me to unfairly project suspicions onto him… my insecurities and things. Which are my problem. It’s just… I worry.
And then I feel anger. Anger at the thought of my suspicions being correct. Anger, that’s not so much about there possibly being someone else… it’s more about the idea that he has in his brain that says, “It’s okay to keep her around just long enough to determine what it is that you want.”
No, if you can’t make up your mind, you
set
me
free.
Or else, I will free myself.
I am not going to allow my life to play out on standby. Either we pursue our connection, or, kindly: get out of my way, because I have things to do and you’re wasting my time.
I long to be someone’s priority. He was mine. As packed of a schedule as I have—I MADE room for him. I *forced* room for him in my life, like too many commuters packing into a subway car. I adjusted my life to make things work. I let him know I care. I let him know where I stand. And now, I have no idea what’s going on.
My heart hurts. I’m hoping there are some serious misunderstandings happening, here. I have tried to communicate everything I’m saying here, to him, but I either receive an open-ended and vague response, or no response at all. I am being breadcrumbed into remaining in this purgatory hell. I do not have to be here, no—I do realize this.
…
Consider this a journal entry of sorts, I guess. idk. I won’t make it a habit—boring you all with this kind of content. I just wanted to let some weight off of my heart, I’d been dragging it around with me for too long. I hoped maybe someone out there might offer me some much-needed advice. Honest advice, inconvenient truths. You do not have to spare my feelings with pretty lies. I’m lost, and seek clarity.
I’ve prayed on this connection, fervently. Ultimately, I will be okay. I’ve been at this life thing on my own for 33 years already… if things don’t work out, I will survive. Not only survive, but thrive. I just get tired of being my own rock sometimes.
To other women out there who have been through this, or who are going through this right now: I see you. I am sending you so much love, so much support, so many hugs.
To the men of the world who are even thinking of putting a good woman on the back burner: understand who it is that you have in front of you right now, while she is still there, in front of you. While she is still there, for you. Someone else could come along who excites you, but don’t throw away calm and steady for short-lived excitement.
Think long-term. Think of the big picture. Find a woman who pours love into you, and keep her. Do not ever let her go. Realize that she is making you her priority, while you are only viewing her as an option. Realize that what you’re doing to her is wrong, and set her free if you can’t make up your mind about what you want. Either be with her, or don’t be with her. Do not waste one more second of her precious time.
.
.
.
x
photo credit:
Larm Rmah // Unsplash
© branypoo
