i'm not strong
each passing day seems more and more difficult makes me count every millisecond of the time when you're not around. who knew someone would change my life so much that I'd die for just a look of them and who knew that time would become so hard to pass. everyday my love for you just goes on increasing and becomes more and more stronger but on the other side i think maybe i should've remained distanced with you coz only I know what worst the situation is or can be. you say you'd handle every situation and every problem in the future and I know you would I never doubted you for these words of your but somewhere only me knows what the reality is and I see it everyday. every single day I am anxious thinking abt mom dad's words coz I know they mean it, only i know how much problematic situation i have created by doing this and that's why i say that i feel like I've already betrayed you unknowingly and unwantedly. the intensity of their words I can feel it and somewhere I know this literally seems impossible. i always say I'm gonna be homeless when this thing comes out and I'm not kidding when i say this coz I've considered all the situations until now and then this makes me question myself that on what basis i got committed to you and again become unanswerable.
what exactly was my fault? that i loved you truly? or that I'm going against my parents decisions? or I'm hurting them ? or would I be hurting you along with me later ? which one is my fault ? maybe all. sometimes I just don't understand why you love me it would've been easier if you'd have stopped loving me or maybe never have talked to me. what if I'd have choosed 1st option on the day you gave me 3 ? maybe I wouldn't have been writing this thing being scared to hurt you and being scared to lose my heart.
every night I'm just laying in the bed listening to songs while every line reminds me of how much you love and adore each part of me and I'm ....I'm just sorry for still loving you inspite of knowing all this situation I don't wanna hurt you nor I wanna be among "those people" who you absolutely hate. I don't know how much I can handle it, fight it, if i won't I'd be guilty the rest of my life but one thing for sure i know that i see no happiness in my life without you.