I am a loner, cooking alone at midnight, washing clothes on tuesday morning just a few minutes before work, sleeping all day during the weekend, I spent hours before dawn just staring at the ceiling wondering what kind of mess I became.

I hate everything that's extra sweet, chocolates, ice cream, words or whatever. I won't trust the one who taps my shoulder when I clearly know what I have done is not right. I won't love the one who smile at me whenever I cause any trouble for them.

I am incapable of including anyone in life, anyone who is not real. I want people to shout at me when I piss them off, I want them to tell me whenever I do something wrong, I want them to be mad at me whenever I make any mess. I will definitely say sorry to them, I will try hard to fix it, and harder not to repeat it, for I can not lose someone like that, someone who is real, someone who isn't fake, someone so honest.

What made me a loner is what I love about myself. I fake no feelings, I keep no words inside, I hide no emotions and I love no one who is not real to themselves or the world.


© redpaint