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Dear Ex-Bestfriend...
Dear Ex-Best Friend,
I loved you. I loved you with every piece of myself. I appreciated your existence to be part of my life. I cared about you, I always reached out and felt bad if we didn't talk for a few hours. But hours turn into days and days turned into lonely nights and eventually into months of internal hurt. I wondered when you'd reach out to me, but that day never ceased to come. We built our special bond for more than 7 years since we were in 5th grades.Yeah, we knew each other since you were 12 and I was 10, and we were grow up together since then.
You were like an older sister to me. You were so important to me. to my life. When there were me, The one who always protected me. Who always supported me. Who always pulled and took my hand with you when I needed help, the one who rescued me from someone who used me and my kindness. Who always had my back. Who believed in me when I wasn't. You accepted my flaws without any conditions when everyone didn't. The only person after my family who always remembered my birthday.
I love you. And I always will. I always miss you. I wonder of the life you're having right now. But I needed to realize that I wasn't as important to you as you were to me. You started to changed and began to questioned my flaws that you used to accepted them. And this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make, to let my best friend go. Not because I gave up with you. But because I did not want you to become a toxic person to me, to our friendship and also to yourself. I tried my very best to saved our friendship, but I couldn't. The more I tried, the more I got hurt...by you. So, letting you go was the only choice I have to made even though it really hard for me to made.
The one I thought I would never have to say goodbye to. But it was the right thing to do for me. I had so many nights of tears and pain thinking of us. I wondered if you cared and you did, just not enough for me anymore. I had to let go because I'm learning to put my feelings first and because I've had enough of this pain. I don't know if you still remember mine, but every year, I still do remember your birth day; 27th July.
You know, some times, our old friends asked about you and to be honest I don't know how to answered them. I just said to them "I don't know". But, deep in my heart, I wanted to ignore of talking anything that related to you. I'm not hating you, its just that everyone knew that you and I were best friend, really close and so close that we were inseparable anywhere we went to.
Yet, no matter how many best friends I have, no matter how kind and good they are, no one can replace you. I swear I could not find a person exactly just like you. You were and will be irreplaceable. Though we're on our own separate paths right now and lost contact for years, and even you're still hating me and say I am an enemy to you, I don't care at all. I mean it's up to you dear to hate me, to forget me, to say and describe anything bad about myself to everyone, to our old friends, to our closest friends, to our ex-classmates, even to your families as well, I don't mind. I know I should defend myself but at the same time I always realize that I was not a good bestie to you, I made you disappointed, I let you questioned my flaws, I easily ruined our friendship that we've built for more than 7 years and I always hurted you. I hate myself. I should tried my best to be the best best friend to you, I should always said sorry to you more, I should tried my best to changed myself and not to keep standing behind of you as a coward and let my own stupidity conquer myself. I should know all of these long time go. I should tried my very best to save you and our precious friendship. But, we both did not do nothing about it. We both walked away just like that without saying anything. Without saying sorry to each other. We let our evil egos won and defeat our loves and our trusts.
If only I could go back or giving one chance going back to our past, I'd take it to save our friendship. I'd try my best to save you from leaving my side, I'd let you to stick with me and be with me till we both get married with the one we loved. Even if we died, we'll be together again in the after life. But, even if I still couldn't save our friendship, at least, I want to say that "I'm so sorry for everything", I want to thank you for everything and to say good-byes for the last time. I know it's impossible, but only if I could....
You are my history, my precious history that I wouldn't dare to forget, you always be part of my life and every memories that related about me would always be my forever one of my best moment in my life. You are my beautiful past, yet, you always have a special place in my heart that no one could ever replace. No matter where you are right now, I will always protect you through my prayers. I will always remember you through our memories and my dreams. I hope you have a best version of bestfriend in your life right now who accepts your flaws and always reprimand your wrongs and mistakes.
Thank you for everything dear ex-bestie...
© fiz_
I loved you. I loved you with every piece of myself. I appreciated your existence to be part of my life. I cared about you, I always reached out and felt bad if we didn't talk for a few hours. But hours turn into days and days turned into lonely nights and eventually into months of internal hurt. I wondered when you'd reach out to me, but that day never ceased to come. We built our special bond for more than 7 years since we were in 5th grades.Yeah, we knew each other since you were 12 and I was 10, and we were grow up together since then.
You were like an older sister to me. You were so important to me. to my life. When there were me, The one who always protected me. Who always supported me. Who always pulled and took my hand with you when I needed help, the one who rescued me from someone who used me and my kindness. Who always had my back. Who believed in me when I wasn't. You accepted my flaws without any conditions when everyone didn't. The only person after my family who always remembered my birthday.
I love you. And I always will. I always miss you. I wonder of the life you're having right now. But I needed to realize that I wasn't as important to you as you were to me. You started to changed and began to questioned my flaws that you used to accepted them. And this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make, to let my best friend go. Not because I gave up with you. But because I did not want you to become a toxic person to me, to our friendship and also to yourself. I tried my very best to saved our friendship, but I couldn't. The more I tried, the more I got hurt...by you. So, letting you go was the only choice I have to made even though it really hard for me to made.
The one I thought I would never have to say goodbye to. But it was the right thing to do for me. I had so many nights of tears and pain thinking of us. I wondered if you cared and you did, just not enough for me anymore. I had to let go because I'm learning to put my feelings first and because I've had enough of this pain. I don't know if you still remember mine, but every year, I still do remember your birth day; 27th July.
You know, some times, our old friends asked about you and to be honest I don't know how to answered them. I just said to them "I don't know". But, deep in my heart, I wanted to ignore of talking anything that related to you. I'm not hating you, its just that everyone knew that you and I were best friend, really close and so close that we were inseparable anywhere we went to.
Yet, no matter how many best friends I have, no matter how kind and good they are, no one can replace you. I swear I could not find a person exactly just like you. You were and will be irreplaceable. Though we're on our own separate paths right now and lost contact for years, and even you're still hating me and say I am an enemy to you, I don't care at all. I mean it's up to you dear to hate me, to forget me, to say and describe anything bad about myself to everyone, to our old friends, to our closest friends, to our ex-classmates, even to your families as well, I don't mind. I know I should defend myself but at the same time I always realize that I was not a good bestie to you, I made you disappointed, I let you questioned my flaws, I easily ruined our friendship that we've built for more than 7 years and I always hurted you. I hate myself. I should tried my best to be the best best friend to you, I should always said sorry to you more, I should tried my best to changed myself and not to keep standing behind of you as a coward and let my own stupidity conquer myself. I should know all of these long time go. I should tried my very best to save you and our precious friendship. But, we both did not do nothing about it. We both walked away just like that without saying anything. Without saying sorry to each other. We let our evil egos won and defeat our loves and our trusts.
If only I could go back or giving one chance going back to our past, I'd take it to save our friendship. I'd try my best to save you from leaving my side, I'd let you to stick with me and be with me till we both get married with the one we loved. Even if we died, we'll be together again in the after life. But, even if I still couldn't save our friendship, at least, I want to say that "I'm so sorry for everything", I want to thank you for everything and to say good-byes for the last time. I know it's impossible, but only if I could....
You are my history, my precious history that I wouldn't dare to forget, you always be part of my life and every memories that related about me would always be my forever one of my best moment in my life. You are my beautiful past, yet, you always have a special place in my heart that no one could ever replace. No matter where you are right now, I will always protect you through my prayers. I will always remember you through our memories and my dreams. I hope you have a best version of bestfriend in your life right now who accepts your flaws and always reprimand your wrongs and mistakes.
Thank you for everything dear ex-bestie...
© fiz_
