Stout Samson was the world's deadliest spy and monster hunter. He killed a lot of people and spied a lot and did bad things to monsters' bodies.

Unfortunately Stout had been framed by his government because he knew stuff and he refused to slaughter a horde of baby goblins. Baby goblins smelled like baboon excrement and tasted worse.

uh

Stout sat in a cell when the electronic door buzzed and opened and a guard was standing there and he was with a big inmate named Poppy Pope.

The guard said, "um, I'm crooked. The people who want you dead gave me money. I like money. So now I'm putting a new cell mate in here to do things to you till you're dead."

Poppy entered the cell and the doors closed. Poppy was a centuar.

"I'm going to -"

"Dude, I'm a supersoldier spy and monster hunter. You're going to end up dead."

"...oh shit. for real?"

"Yeah, they didn't tell you that?"

"No. Damn. I don't want to die. You know karate and stuff?"

"uh yeah, among other things."

Poppy looked around nervously and dug a booger out of his nose then he ate it.

"... I'm good. I don't want to fight you and die."

Stout smiled, "Good. That sounds smart."

Poppy then turned around twice and screamed, "They have my family! My wife and what's their faces, the kids. I have to fight or they will kill them!"

"If I kill you how are you sure that they won't kill your family anyway?"

"you're right. I should.. um.."

"Oh my God. It would be good to team up, that way we can save your family together. I assume you have skills cuz it would be stupid for the genius evil people trying to get rid of me to send in a basic galoot."

"I used to wrestle and I'm big. I like your idea but I have to be honest I don't know if you want to team up with me. I'm in here, in prison all the time because I like to break into old people's houses and sex them and hurt them in their life."

"ouch, I don't like the sound of that. Maybe you shouldn't be able to return to your family."

"wow.. that's messed up bro. I never said I was a bad father. I cook, I clean. I work. I even helped my oldest daughter hand sew her prom dress. She was the bell of the ball. Motherfucker."

".. do you have any pics of your family? Or at least of your daughter. You said prom right? So she's over 18?"

He reached down to retrieve some folded up and tattered pics of his family from his sock. Stout snapped his neck and stole his face. With his bare hands.

Stout buzzed the guard and when he looked through the window at the new face Stout punched through the window and grabbed the guards face and keys. Stout did this over and over again until he found someone who had the authority to get him out of jail. He even went to the last guy's house and he still had his face so he tutored his kids and sent them to bed before bedding his widow. She was hot.