I suppose this is not so much a story as it will be my minds effigy of what divinity must stand for, as I have had many internal struggles within myself with the concept of a God if there is one that exists at all. For what can divinity truly mean and would understanding such a concept put me on the path to enlightenment as I so desperately scramble for ever scrap of knowledge which can edge me closer to my goal. The first question is simple: "What is divinity?" Although in retrospect it may prove to be my sanity's undoing as I grapple with the fundamental struggles of being a mere human in the face of such an impossible concept. The meaning of divinity as it stands in the dictionary is: "the state of quality or quality of being divine." Which in turn begs the question: "What does it mean to be divine." There are many ways of pursuing this query though in simplest terms most would begin to think of God or Allah or Brahma or any series of religious idols made to hold the example of such a concept. Others might say it may simply mean bearing the traits of such aforementioned creators. Though if God is absolute and above all things how could we, lowly creatures as we are in comparison, begin to define this concept. Things like morals, good, evil, gender, race, ethics, and any number of individually drawn lines between humans made by human hands, hearts, and minds. How could we as creatures so far beneath creation itself possibly know the nature of something that stands above us. Who are we to dictate that God, whoever or whatever it may be, the cause of the grand design which constructs even our very minds and how we proceed through our individual lives is kind, loving, just, evil, cruel, or any number of things. What is to say it is not all of things and none at the same time. I have lived a short life, yet it has been filled with cruelty from both kind and cruel hands all seemingly at random. I used to pray believing someday things would improve, that my faith was simply being tested in the face of the endless cruelty of the world. When I began to wonder, what of this is what divinity is, to be all things both good and evil. To embody the totality of something in a way so incomprehensibly you are weighed down by existence itself. Concepts like death, life, fear, pain, hunger, rage, kindness, love, all born of the same place with no direction or intent other than to simply be. Like the dream of a dead God, unaware of its creations and if it were to ever stir from its sleep all things would vanish in an instant. This is what I have come to believe over the duration of my short and small existence among the other aberrations of creation. We will never understand God, because we are not God, we are people, flawed, imperfect, and temporary, born to desperately claw and fight our way through existence. We exist because it was deemed to be so by whatever orchestrated this universe into its current dissident ensemble of entangling entropy. We are chaos and order, we are destruction and creation yet we choose to try and write arbitrary rules to make our own existence mean something. To draw similarities between ourselves and our creator because we must reflect it in some way, yet like all things copied from something else, we are simply not what was before, we hold traits and aspects but not the totality. It is why we will never understand divinity and why all depictions will always and forever be inaccurate, we desperately try to humanize something which is simply not human. It is so much more and yet nothing at all, creation and destruction forever linked in a way we can never achieve. To be divine is to be weighed down by existence itself to be beyond what being human can hope to be, to embody something so fully and so purely that your very essence merges with all of creation and you yourself are lost, and you cease to be human. At least that is what I have come to know as divinity and I know I have no hope in attaining such a thing and that, brings me comfort because if I ever did it would mean surrendering my humanity.
© With clipped wings