Under the moonlight, the cold wind scrapes against my bare legs as I wait for the bus to arrive. I look around nervously, I feel my heart beat quicker with each glance. It's difficult to see anything around besides the restricted light emitting from the streetlight above me. I continued to wait for another eight minutes and suddenly, headlights appear down the road like they were invisible before. It's the bus. It stops at the small shelter that is used to protect from sunlight and rain. The transportation vehicle makes a loud hiss noise as it rolls to a stop, the bus doors open with a creak and I step inside, one foot at a time up the steps. I take a glance up at the bus driver, he's an older, surprisingly thin guy wearing a baseball hat with a logo I can't decipher. "Evening, cash or pass"? I reach into the pink purse I had by my side, I open my wallet and grab a green paper card with black symbols embedded into it. I take it from one of the slots in my wallet and show it to the driver. He nods, confirming that I can sit down. I put my card back in its original spot and close my wallet and purse. I walk to the center of the bus and sit in one of the many open seats since the bus was empty. The bus doors start to close but a arm reaches through the gap and stops the mechanism, the doors open back up and a man walks up the steps. "Leaving without me"? It's a skinnier guy, wearing a black suit and same color fedora to match. Blonde hair sticks out due to him having long hair. The bus driver clears his throat, "Cash or Pass"? It's the same question he asked me. "Pass". The man in the fedora says. He then pulls out his wallet that has multiple cards in it and pulls out the same color card I had. "Premium member, huh"? The bus driver chuckles slightly. "It's the company's, they may not supply me with my own vehicle but at least I have this". The man in the fedora walks all the way to the back, when he passes by me he takes a heavy look at me, I smile and quickly look away towards the window to my left, as useless as it is since I can't see anything. The bus doors successfully close this time with no interruption and the bus begins to move, jolting my body back against my seat with its start-up. I turn my head far enough to the right to see the man a few rows down on the opposite side of me, out of the corner of my eye, I can tell he has his phone up to his face while slouching against the seat, legs spread. I look up towards the front of the bus, I couldn't see the driver with all the rows of seats in front of me, but I could hear him mumbling to himself every few seconds. The bus stops at other stations before it finally arrives at my station. When the bus halts to a stop, I get up from my seat and peer over my shoulder to see what the man in the suit is doing, he is now off his phone and is staring at the nearby window. As I see his head turn towards me, I continue walking like I wasn't looking at him. "Have a great night, stay safe". The bus driver says as I pass by him. I smile and turn my head towards him before walking down the steps, "thank you, you too". One leg after another and I'm down the four steep steps and onto the concrete sidewalk. The bus doors once again creak when they close and the bus hisses as it leaves the small station. I turn towards the direction of my friend's house and walk down the dimly lit sidewalk. I hate being out this late and usually never be out past nine o'clock, but I had to stay behind at school and finish up some paperwork. I was the principal's assistant so it came with alot of responsibilities, deadlines and of course, good old papers that need filing. The reason why I'm heading to my friend's house is because I promised her we would have a sleepover tonight, she said over text a list on what we could do, from playing video games I'm terrible at, to watching movie that are to "cheesy". It's a relatively short walk from the station, less then a mile. I look up towards the sky while the wind plays with my skirt, I don't worry about it since no one's around and it's pitch black. The sky is dark gray with the moon slightly visible behind the clouds. The cold wind carries on blowing into my long brown hair and it gets me thinking whether or not I should've went home to grab more suitable clothes. Interrupting the sound of the wind is loud thumping coming quickly behind me, my heart stops and I start to run but soon I feel my back be jumped onto, my face hits the ground and my vision blurs for a few moments. I struggle to get up or at least turn to see the attacker, I feel my hair get pulled and then slammed into the concrete floor. A rush of pain flows through my head, another and another. It hurts enormously but, I quickly think of a plan that is my only possibility of survival. I play dead and slow my breathing tremendously. It must of worked because the attacker stopped. I try not to focus on the pain emitting from my head, if I so much as make a sound or move a muscle, it most likely won't end well for me. I'm hoping he'll just take the purse that I dropped and leave but he doesn't, I still feel his presence, just watching me with his heavy breathing. Suddenly, I feel my skirt be lifted up and then my underwear gets pulled halfway down my legs. Something touches my sensitive area and I just couldn't hold it in, I wince in surprise and pain. I try to stand up, but he was faster and he knocks me out in just one hit to the back of the head. What happened? Why did this happen? My life was all fun and happy, but now this happens. I just wanted to live normally, without a worry in the world. I thought if I didn't bother anyone, I'd be fine. I guess that wasn't the case.
I feel pain even through my unconscious state...
And it's coming..
From below...

...

I hear the sound of crickets and feel the wind heavily spray across my whole body. I open my eyes, my vision is still blurry and my head still aches. I feel the soft little needles of grass poke my skin. I stand up and find myself wobble back to my knees, the bottom half of my body aches in pain, I couldn't help but cry. I had an idea of what happened and it was unavoidable, or maybe it wasn't. Maybe if I didn't agree to the sleepover, if I said to the principal that I couldn't stay later, if I just went home, it could've been avoided. I wipe my eyes after crying for a few minuets. I finally gathered the strength to stand up. I now noticed when my eyes clear up on my surroundings, I wasn't too far from the sidewalk that I was walking on, I was in a grass ditch that didn't go too deep. He must've pulled me down here to avoid being seen. I look at the grass around me, I see my clothes thrown across and around me, I grab each piece of clothing that I was wearing and put it back on. I looked around for my purse but it was nowhere to be found. I slowly crawl back up the ditch with a small amount of pain going through the lower half of my body. I am now standing on the sidewalk, I erratically look around my surroundings, I must look like a crazy woman but I had a good reason. My heart is beating fast to the point where it hurts with each pump.
"Why.. why did this happen to me".
I couldn't hold it in and be strong like dad said to do, I needed to say it outloud.
"Why did it happen to me.. why not someone else"!
My voice turns into a yell halfway through.
"I didn't deserve this"!
I can't think on a reason why it had to be me.
"Why..".
My voice turns into a whisper, followed by my eyes tearing up.
All I could do is stay sane and keep walking, my friend is the only person that can help me right now. But, what will she do, what will she say, will she care, will she comfort me? If she doesn't, then I hope someone else will.

...

I arrive at her doorstep, she lives in a richer community so her house looks nicer and much bigger then mine. Two cars are parked in the driveway so I know that everyone is home since the black SUV belongs to Linda(the mother), who never leaves the kids home alone, and the silver Camero that belongs to the father, Derek, who works two different jobs, one at the supermarket, the other at a mechanic shop. I slowly bring the courage to ring the doorbell, as I ring it I hear a female's voice, "Just a minute". It feels much more then a minute but, finally someone opens the door and i see my best friend in her dark blue pajamas and already loose blonde hair. "Hey, you're finally here, what took-". She was going to finish her sentence but she saw tears roll down my cheeks and probably saw the blood that was leaking out of me. Her face is filled with concern. I couldn't even get past the front door without crying, what will she think of me?
"Ashley, what's wrong, what happened"?
Her voice is filled with so much worry, like she is about to cry with me.
"Tina.." I begin to say but stop with a sniffle.
"Do you want to talk about it, inside, outside"?
"Inside". I say as I look behind me.
She gestures me inside and closes the door when I start taking my shoes off, not even a second later after my shoes are off, she grabs my hand tightly and pulls me to the next hallway where the stairs are. I have a hard time keeping up with her and I almost trip on the stairs but we make it up and head into her room. Her room is as I remember it from last time, littered with old dusty antiques her grandma gave her, clothes hanging on the end of the bed, her bed still not made and probably hasn't been made for a good while. She heads out of the room and quickly returns with a wet rag, she puts it to my forehead(which is where most of blood is coming from), it felt warm. She doesn't say anything, but i do notice something about her, her face is completely different from what I've seen before, like this is a new side of Tina. Once she cleans up all the blood that leaked from my face, she heads out of the room again and ruturns back. "Do you want something to drink"? She asks while standing at her doorway, her hands intertwined together at her chest. I shake my head in refusal. I am thirsty but, I just want someone near me. She closes the door and locks it, then heads towards where I'm standing and tells me to sit down, gesturing to the bed.
"Can we sit on the floor, please?" I ask.
She hesitates for a bit, probably a bit surprised.
"Yes, if you want".
We both sit down, I sit with my legs crossed and she sits with her legs to the side while holding the ground with one hand. A long few minutes of silence goes by.
"Tina". I begin to say, trying not to tear up immediately.
She remains quiet but looks at me with full attention.
"I-.. I don't know if I can say it".
"Ashley, I need to know the problem so we can solve it together."
I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
"I've never seen you this sad.. ever.. so what's wrong"?
Just say it! You wanted to talk about it so what's the problem? Am I still denial that it actually happened?
"I was raped".
As I thought, Tina's face was filled with sadness, anger, confusion, all at the same time. I reach forward and take her hand.
"H-how.. when"? She stutters.
"I don't know by who or what time, all I do know is that he jumped on top of me and slammed my face against the floor".
I take a breath.
In... and out.
"I tried to play dead so he could leave me alone but that didn't work... he started taking off my clothes and touch my-".
I choked on my own breathing with the thought of it.
"Ashley.."
Tina's face was now just pure sadness.
Was telling her this okay? Did I ruin how she views me? Will she now just think of me as a problematic rape victim?
"I didn't know what to do.. I woke up naked and I remembered what happened before.. that's how I know that I was.. you know".
I didn't want to say that disgusting word anymore. It didn't anger me like it used too when people said it, now.. hearing it, I just feel sorrowful, full of dread.
A moment of silence goes by before Tina does something that shocks me.
She crawls forward and leans on me, her arms behind my back, softly rubbing them both up and down it.
"T-Tina"!
I was a bit shocked, I didn't expect her to do this. She usually never gets touchy with anyone, back in middle school, someone(a boy) tried to hug her but she didn't have it, she punched the kid in the gut with such force it knocked him back flying. She got in huge trouble with her parents and the principal, the rest of her time at that school, no one ever got near her except me and another girl who was Tina's friend. I think she moved away before high school started, something to do with their father's new job position.
"Ashley, I'm here.. please don't ever feel like I'm not".
Why is she..
"What happened to you is terrible, sickening.. absolutely horrible, and I wish it never happened to you."
Why are you..
"As much as I wish it could've been me, it wasn't, it was you, not me.. but, what I can do is help you with whatever you need. It's what any friend will do."
Always so..
"I don't know how much exactly you're hurting but I know it must be alot... I will help you in any way I can."
Kindhearted.. to me.
"Tha-"
She cuts me off with yet another surprising comment.
"I love you, Ashley, you're like family to me."
I think I understand on a small scale, she truly cares about me, she doesn't care how emotional I can be, how overly talkative I am or even how different we are. She loves me and I love her, we have for a long time, we didn't need to say it because we knew already. She wants to help me, make me feel better, feel.. hopeful for the people in this world. I thank her for staying with me, being my friend and of course, always being there when I need her.
I hug her back with my arms and whisper in her ear.
"I know."
End Part: One
(More coming soon.. maybe?)
© AveragePoetry