Trusting the process is hard I must say.
Please let me help you understand why I am this way

Have you ever met someone you never known
But relation shocks you
A reminder of a past that is gone

Stopping you in your tracks
Taking your breath away
Have we met before?
Deja Vu sets in your deep within your core

It's the only way I know how to explain my pain
Except mine is with tragic situations
In place of familiar faces
Over and over
It's completely insane

I imagine my brain as a scattered filing cabinet
Papers flying through the air
In a state of constant panic
No one could stand to bare

So I went to the mental clinic
Explained what I had done
I am a recovering Addict of 5 years
But here I am still
Constantly on the run

I'm scared I'm tired
I can't escape anymore
Doctor please help me
Organize these papers on the floor

I tried yoga, working out, herbal teas, box breathing and meditation
I know all you have to offer is this medication

It seems to be a last resort
I don't know what else to do
Trusting the process
It's all up to you

Doctor I sat down at work
Waiting for my evil friends
Anxiety and depression
Deep from within
Today they didn't visit
I took a sigh of relief
Thinking to myself
Could this really be?

I went on to therapy
To work through the problems
Reality hits, I was such a mess
Maybe now I am calm enough to solve them

Just trying to trust the process

Then I look over to my son's despair
How am I so stupid
How can I be so unaware
The panic comes back once again I am scared

I set down to contemplate
Questioned time healing
Confided with The All American Addicts
How long will it be?
They get the same feeling
I'm so thankful for them and their understanding

How long is our pain here to stay
We get upset
Just wishing it would all go away

Then I woke up to a view and a vision of
What God has to say
Child, look at the tree
Even though it has cracks
Broken branches from damage
It's still right here
Strong and standing

Trusting the process through all of the pain
No matter the storm, wind or rain

"Healing does not mean the damage is gone, it means the damage no longer controls our lives"

God again, I was wrong!

That messy cabinet I spoke of before
All of the papers still scatter the floor
But proudly I'm placing some in folders
A memory at a time
Because they are no one else's
Yes, they are mine

Mine to remember, to pull out
When I want
Stored in my subconscious
No longer to haunt

Folders in a cabinet from A to Z
Abuse, Neglect, and Rape
Yes, it all happened to me
But just like a tree
I am here standing strong
Trusting the process as I move along


© Tendrejoy