1 views
So Damn Exhausted!
So where do I begin....
I haven't had a good night's sleep since December 2016. This is because, I started Chemotherapy at this time. I was in way to much pain after each Chemo treatment; I was always in pain, felt sick, felt weak, appetite was weird, many smells bothered me. Fast forward to now, 2023...I have so many pains from post Chemo. Living with daily unpredictable pains is a daily challenge. Imagine trying to sleep, but always having to try to get as comfortable as possible, several times throughout the night, into the morning. Imagine not being about to lay on your left side for 6 years cause your left hip is swollen, very tender and hurts all the time; you literally have to protect it whenever someone sits near you. You have many ailments that all are just fancy words for PAIN, PAIN AND MORE PAIN! So, here we go... Fibromyalgia, costochondritis(chest pains that mimic a heart attack and painful ribs, each makes it hard to breathe and talk; and the best part is, no meds help...), lumbar and cervical spine degenerative disc disease, sciatica, bilateral carpal tunnel, neuropathy, migraines, bilateral trochanteric bursitis, etc. You know what's one of the most frustrating things to me; all of my doctors telling me how important it is to get sleep because it'll help me with these pains; sleep will help me become more independent. Ummm...as I tell them everytime I visit, it's not easy, the meds given may help me fall asleep, but they don't keep me asleep; they also don't always help alleviate my pain either. They're response is, well you can't expect them to always help with your pain and there's nothing we can do about your lack of sleep, except prescribe meds that help with sleep(which you can't expect to always work either). I've tried different things to help me sleep; Cloudy(a melatonin diffuser with lavender and chamomile), melatonin tablets/gummies, valarian root, kava kava, kratom, and sleeping pills.
Imagine your kid asking you to help with homework. You're up, talking to her, helping, and the next thing you know she's calling you, and you have fallen asleep without knowing; this continues to happen over and over again. This is an ongoing thing, for many days. She sounds so disappointed, but says she understands; I apologize and tell her how hard I try to fight it, but exhaustion keeps winning. She helps me sit up, I fall asleep, she gives me something to drink, I fall asleep, I try to tell myself to stay awake and slap myself to stay awake, I fall asleep...Like, why can't I just sleep through the night, so I'm not exhausted throughout the day. I'm exhausted, I honestly feel like I would need an entire 365 days to sleep soundly to catch up on all the sleep I've lost.
#exhausted #tired #love #sleep #fibro #followme #writing #story #poem #warrior
© PeacockGem
I haven't had a good night's sleep since December 2016. This is because, I started Chemotherapy at this time. I was in way to much pain after each Chemo treatment; I was always in pain, felt sick, felt weak, appetite was weird, many smells bothered me. Fast forward to now, 2023...I have so many pains from post Chemo. Living with daily unpredictable pains is a daily challenge. Imagine trying to sleep, but always having to try to get as comfortable as possible, several times throughout the night, into the morning. Imagine not being about to lay on your left side for 6 years cause your left hip is swollen, very tender and hurts all the time; you literally have to protect it whenever someone sits near you. You have many ailments that all are just fancy words for PAIN, PAIN AND MORE PAIN! So, here we go... Fibromyalgia, costochondritis(chest pains that mimic a heart attack and painful ribs, each makes it hard to breathe and talk; and the best part is, no meds help...), lumbar and cervical spine degenerative disc disease, sciatica, bilateral carpal tunnel, neuropathy, migraines, bilateral trochanteric bursitis, etc. You know what's one of the most frustrating things to me; all of my doctors telling me how important it is to get sleep because it'll help me with these pains; sleep will help me become more independent. Ummm...as I tell them everytime I visit, it's not easy, the meds given may help me fall asleep, but they don't keep me asleep; they also don't always help alleviate my pain either. They're response is, well you can't expect them to always help with your pain and there's nothing we can do about your lack of sleep, except prescribe meds that help with sleep(which you can't expect to always work either). I've tried different things to help me sleep; Cloudy(a melatonin diffuser with lavender and chamomile), melatonin tablets/gummies, valarian root, kava kava, kratom, and sleeping pills.
Imagine your kid asking you to help with homework. You're up, talking to her, helping, and the next thing you know she's calling you, and you have fallen asleep without knowing; this continues to happen over and over again. This is an ongoing thing, for many days. She sounds so disappointed, but says she understands; I apologize and tell her how hard I try to fight it, but exhaustion keeps winning. She helps me sit up, I fall asleep, she gives me something to drink, I fall asleep, I try to tell myself to stay awake and slap myself to stay awake, I fall asleep...Like, why can't I just sleep through the night, so I'm not exhausted throughout the day. I'm exhausted, I honestly feel like I would need an entire 365 days to sleep soundly to catch up on all the sleep I've lost.
#exhausted #tired #love #sleep #fibro #followme #writing #story #poem #warrior
© PeacockGem
