It's always "Just one will be enough today," followed by a few more glasses then I pass out and wake up late the next morning wanting some more. I don't take breakfast, I've never liked actual food for breakfast but I would have a glass of wine or a shot of whiskey to "charge me up" for the day. This is horrible.
I've known I have a drinking problem for so long but I've never just cared. Maybe I do care because when it gets worse, I breakdown and cry and promise myself that it's gonna be the last bottle. Then I hydrate a lot, eat healthy and exercise for a while, right before I pass by the grocery store and pick up a bottle.
Just to be clear, I'm not an addict. I function well without alcohol. I can even go for weeks and months without it. My problem is that I just can't stop when I start. During my drinking days, I hardly eat, leave the house or do anything productive. It's a cycle of drink, drink some more, pee, pass out, wake up and repeat.
I'm not a spoilt kid. My life has always been a hustle right up to when I got employed, though my earning is meagre. I can afford the basics and send money home to my folks and save a little or not depending on whether I'm drinking at the time or not.
I'm a quiet person, so I tend to bottle up all the things that have always given me mental pressure. I'm not a crier either. So I've always turned to the bottle. I always want to stop and I don't know how.
I know writing helps but I wouldn't trust my journal to keep my secrets. Someone might steal it and it won't scream for help and that intruder might know all my secrets. The bottle is the path I chose and I've already started sinking.
If you know any way I can be helped, then....hic! then.... hic! hic!
Oops the... hic! hiccups have...hic! begun. I'm just going to...hic! have a glass and I'll be back.
Just one glass.

Hic!
Imelda
Kenya.
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