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The Talk With Intellectual Self
It was the time just before lockdown. I wasn't baffled in the tangled web of fears and insecurities yet. I completed my tenth grade. I was strong. I was ambitious. But I wasn't complete. I didn't judge anything and things around me looked beautiful. I never faced a crisis before and I thought I was right and perfect. Back then, my biggest question about myself was whether I am idealistic or an optimistic realist.
As a kid I dreamt what I could become and passed those dreams to what I am now. The transformation from a kid into a man who can stay upto his responsibilities does not entirely occur at the age of eighteen but occurs in patches from the beginning of high school. It is a crucial time as we come to know about the bitter truths about ourselves and everything around us. And for sure it is not an easy time to pass. Unexpected circumstances due to the pandemic made it more critical. My hold on things slowly faded away during the initial lockdown period. Time flew like a gust and i was busy putting my life behind my excuses. It is painful to watch oneself slowly disintegrate from inside but couldn't do anything to help as it was a whole new experience. I was consumed by my insecurities, fears and thoughts of not living upto the mark or not knowing what I am good at. In that phase I realised I wasn't strong enough to overcome those fears. It isn't easy for the mind which just stepped out of its comfort zone to digest the fact that he lived 16 years only to realise that he is not what he thought he was. It was hard to move on with it and I needed motivation the most.
The lockdown is a nightmare for many of us. A talkative person like me was confined to myself for months. But on the bright side it helped me to spend more time with myself. I discovered that I am not perfect. Neither is the world around me and it is completely fine. I realised my fears and my mistakes. Though it drove me crazy for a while, it led to enlightenment. We can neither purge out remorse nor live with it. Learning a lesson from the mistake and knowing how to not repeat it is better than the anguish thinking about it. Life itself is a lesson. It makes the heart lighter and pure. It leads to love and respect for oneself. Those are the lighthouse for the lost boats (souls) in the vast ocean.
I was scared how I would carry out my responsibilities before I knew what my responsibilities were. Months of me with myself realised that there is nothing to worry about these distractions when I know what my ultimate goal is and I am the one who paves the path for it. I came to know of my capabilities as I walked along the path . The hurdles in that path only made me stronger and told me what I am. A quote from Martin Luther King Jr helped me in those times. “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” In the pursuit of achieving my dream I am the protagonist and I need to do whatever it takes. This thought woke me up every morning. It helped me to shatter my insecurities. I learnt that there is nothing greater than living the life with fulfilment and no fear should stop us from living it. For once I didn't bother about criticism and explored my abilities. I started writing short stories , quotes and poems for which I was held in esteem by friends and family. I was able to express my different shades in writing. The pleasure of doing things I am good at helped me feel alive again and my command on things loomed. I felt infinite and the smile on my face, the confidence in my heart never went off. It made me conscious of life as a boon.
When we feel low we wait until we find motivation. But life isn't about finding, it is about seeking. The true motivation comes from us reminding what we are. Also the bitter truth helps us to adapt for the situation. I am glad I had the opportunity to stop for a while and spend some time with myself during the crucial phase. I do not know what I could be if it didn't happen but I am certain that I couldn't be any better than what I am today. Hence my most inspiring moments is the journey with myself. I might be the person who is both idealist and realist. And I believe in the necessity of their coexistence. With that, my queries were answered and for the questions coming up in the future, we are always with ourselves.
#LifeChangingContest
© A Beautiful Mind
As a kid I dreamt what I could become and passed those dreams to what I am now. The transformation from a kid into a man who can stay upto his responsibilities does not entirely occur at the age of eighteen but occurs in patches from the beginning of high school. It is a crucial time as we come to know about the bitter truths about ourselves and everything around us. And for sure it is not an easy time to pass. Unexpected circumstances due to the pandemic made it more critical. My hold on things slowly faded away during the initial lockdown period. Time flew like a gust and i was busy putting my life behind my excuses. It is painful to watch oneself slowly disintegrate from inside but couldn't do anything to help as it was a whole new experience. I was consumed by my insecurities, fears and thoughts of not living upto the mark or not knowing what I am good at. In that phase I realised I wasn't strong enough to overcome those fears. It isn't easy for the mind which just stepped out of its comfort zone to digest the fact that he lived 16 years only to realise that he is not what he thought he was. It was hard to move on with it and I needed motivation the most.
The lockdown is a nightmare for many of us. A talkative person like me was confined to myself for months. But on the bright side it helped me to spend more time with myself. I discovered that I am not perfect. Neither is the world around me and it is completely fine. I realised my fears and my mistakes. Though it drove me crazy for a while, it led to enlightenment. We can neither purge out remorse nor live with it. Learning a lesson from the mistake and knowing how to not repeat it is better than the anguish thinking about it. Life itself is a lesson. It makes the heart lighter and pure. It leads to love and respect for oneself. Those are the lighthouse for the lost boats (souls) in the vast ocean.
I was scared how I would carry out my responsibilities before I knew what my responsibilities were. Months of me with myself realised that there is nothing to worry about these distractions when I know what my ultimate goal is and I am the one who paves the path for it. I came to know of my capabilities as I walked along the path . The hurdles in that path only made me stronger and told me what I am. A quote from Martin Luther King Jr helped me in those times. “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.” In the pursuit of achieving my dream I am the protagonist and I need to do whatever it takes. This thought woke me up every morning. It helped me to shatter my insecurities. I learnt that there is nothing greater than living the life with fulfilment and no fear should stop us from living it. For once I didn't bother about criticism and explored my abilities. I started writing short stories , quotes and poems for which I was held in esteem by friends and family. I was able to express my different shades in writing. The pleasure of doing things I am good at helped me feel alive again and my command on things loomed. I felt infinite and the smile on my face, the confidence in my heart never went off. It made me conscious of life as a boon.
When we feel low we wait until we find motivation. But life isn't about finding, it is about seeking. The true motivation comes from us reminding what we are. Also the bitter truth helps us to adapt for the situation. I am glad I had the opportunity to stop for a while and spend some time with myself during the crucial phase. I do not know what I could be if it didn't happen but I am certain that I couldn't be any better than what I am today. Hence my most inspiring moments is the journey with myself. I might be the person who is both idealist and realist. And I believe in the necessity of their coexistence. With that, my queries were answered and for the questions coming up in the future, we are always with ourselves.
#LifeChangingContest
© A Beautiful Mind
