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HOW TO RATE YOUR RELATIONSHIP OR FRIENDSHIP
LOVE is not "if" or "because," LOVE is "anyway" and "even though" and "in spite of." ~ Anonymous
There are two ways to rate your relationships or friendships, they are: (A)Conditional, and (B) Unconditional.
(A) Conditional: These are relationships or friendships which are solely based on "I-will-do-this-for-you-if-you-do-this-for-me" and are often entered into unconsciously. Sadly, they are all smoke and mirrors where you never actually know who the other person is.
The pitfall with conditional relationships is often that they inherently prioritize something else above the relationship. For example, a scenario where : it’s not really you they care about, but your fantastically beautiful face and figure, or your generosity and resourcefulness. Hence, conditional relationships are more of a "it’s not really you I care about, but rather using you to make me feel good about myself" thing.
The bitter truth is, when our relationships are conditional, we don’t have relationships at all. We find ourselves being attached to superficial objects and ideas and then try to live them vicariously through the people whom we should really be loving unconditionally. These conditional relationships then make us even more lonely because no real connection is ever being made.
Moreso, conditional relationships are inherently selfish, because when all you truly care about is your partner or friend's money, physique, generosity, status, resourcefulness etc more than you care about the person of your partner or your friend, then all you're actually having a relationship with is just money, physique, generosity, status, resourcefulness etc; and what does that say about you?
Nevertheless, the harsh reality is that conditional relationships never stand the test of time because the conditions they are founded upon don't last, and once the conditions are gone, the two people involved fall and hurt themselves emotionally and will have never seen it coming.
(B) Unconditional: As most people come of age, few of them actually come to prioritize unconditional relationships — relationships where each person is accepted unconditionally for whoever they are, without additional expectations. This level of maturity is termed “adulthood” and it’s a mystical land that only few people, regardless of their age ever see, much less inhabit.
In unconditional relationships parties involved respect and support each other without any expectation of something in return. To put it another way, each person in the relationship is primarily valued for the relationship itself — the mutual empathy and support — not for their job, status, appearance, success, nor anything else superficial.
Unconditional relationships are the only real relationships because they are not shaken by the ups and downs of life, neither are they altered by superficial benefits and failures. For instance, If you and I have an unconditional friendship, it doesn’t matter if I lose my job or go broke; or if you loose your good looks or fabulous house; we will continue to respect and support each other.
Nevertheless, to repair the conditional relationships in your life and have strong unconditional relationships, you will have to piss some people off. This means that you have to stop accepting people’s conditions and you have to let go of your own as well. This invariably involves telling someone close to you “no” in the exact scenario they want to hear it the least. Yes, it will cause a shit-storm of drama in many cases. But this drama is necessary because one of two things will emerge from it. Either the person will be unable to let go of their conditions and they will therefore remove themselves from your life (which, ultimately, is a good thing in most cases), or, the person will be forced to appreciate you unconditionally, to love you in spite of the temporary inconvenience you may pose to them or their self-esteem when they ask you for things that are not consistent with your values and you do not oblige.
Remember, a man who loves others based solely on how they make him feel, or what they do for him, is really not loving others at all - but loving only himself (gender neutral).
© elileojo
There are two ways to rate your relationships or friendships, they are: (A)Conditional, and (B) Unconditional.
(A) Conditional: These are relationships or friendships which are solely based on "I-will-do-this-for-you-if-you-do-this-for-me" and are often entered into unconsciously. Sadly, they are all smoke and mirrors where you never actually know who the other person is.
The pitfall with conditional relationships is often that they inherently prioritize something else above the relationship. For example, a scenario where : it’s not really you they care about, but your fantastically beautiful face and figure, or your generosity and resourcefulness. Hence, conditional relationships are more of a "it’s not really you I care about, but rather using you to make me feel good about myself" thing.
The bitter truth is, when our relationships are conditional, we don’t have relationships at all. We find ourselves being attached to superficial objects and ideas and then try to live them vicariously through the people whom we should really be loving unconditionally. These conditional relationships then make us even more lonely because no real connection is ever being made.
Moreso, conditional relationships are inherently selfish, because when all you truly care about is your partner or friend's money, physique, generosity, status, resourcefulness etc more than you care about the person of your partner or your friend, then all you're actually having a relationship with is just money, physique, generosity, status, resourcefulness etc; and what does that say about you?
Nevertheless, the harsh reality is that conditional relationships never stand the test of time because the conditions they are founded upon don't last, and once the conditions are gone, the two people involved fall and hurt themselves emotionally and will have never seen it coming.
(B) Unconditional: As most people come of age, few of them actually come to prioritize unconditional relationships — relationships where each person is accepted unconditionally for whoever they are, without additional expectations. This level of maturity is termed “adulthood” and it’s a mystical land that only few people, regardless of their age ever see, much less inhabit.
In unconditional relationships parties involved respect and support each other without any expectation of something in return. To put it another way, each person in the relationship is primarily valued for the relationship itself — the mutual empathy and support — not for their job, status, appearance, success, nor anything else superficial.
Unconditional relationships are the only real relationships because they are not shaken by the ups and downs of life, neither are they altered by superficial benefits and failures. For instance, If you and I have an unconditional friendship, it doesn’t matter if I lose my job or go broke; or if you loose your good looks or fabulous house; we will continue to respect and support each other.
Nevertheless, to repair the conditional relationships in your life and have strong unconditional relationships, you will have to piss some people off. This means that you have to stop accepting people’s conditions and you have to let go of your own as well. This invariably involves telling someone close to you “no” in the exact scenario they want to hear it the least. Yes, it will cause a shit-storm of drama in many cases. But this drama is necessary because one of two things will emerge from it. Either the person will be unable to let go of their conditions and they will therefore remove themselves from your life (which, ultimately, is a good thing in most cases), or, the person will be forced to appreciate you unconditionally, to love you in spite of the temporary inconvenience you may pose to them or their self-esteem when they ask you for things that are not consistent with your values and you do not oblige.
Remember, a man who loves others based solely on how they make him feel, or what they do for him, is really not loving others at all - but loving only himself (gender neutral).
© elileojo
