You: I didn’t know you wanted to have sex.

Me: It’s been more than three months. Now you know.

You: Sex isn’t really on my mind anymore.

Me: Really? After three months, you’d think it’d be clear.

Me: How about sex tonight?

You: Sorry, but I can’t tonight. I’m doing my hair.

Me: Why not?

You: I’ve got a lot of prep to do.

Me: How many times do I have to beg for sex?

You: Begging won’t change anything. It’s not happening.

Me: If we don’t have sex tonight, I’m moving to the guest room.

You: Fine by me. I’ll enjoy the queen bed all to myself.

Me: How was I supposed to know you wanted sex? I’m not a mind reader.

You: I didn’t know you could read my mind about finances, either.

Me: I’m not just here to handle chores. I have physical needs too. I want us to be intimate.

You: Well, if you need to fix things, go do that. The backyard still needs work, and there’s plenty of other stuff to do.

Me: It feels like sex isn’t a priority for us anymore.

You: I didn’t get the memo that we’re over.

Me: If you’re not interested, what about trying something else? Maybe oral?

You: I’ve never been into it.

Me: What about your hand?

You: You’ve got two of your own. Why don’t you use those?

Me: Maybe I should just move out.

You: Now you’re talking.