I hear you, you don't hear me. I feel you, you don't feel me. I want is love not pain, can't you see that? Why make me feel like a fool, when your friends and prettier girls that you want are around? Are you sure, you still want to marry me? I'm not the size that you are attracted to. Everyone tells me that you love me, but why can't you show me with your actions that you really do? Why do you make me feel like I'm not important enough for being respected and treated with love? I wish you could understand my trauma and some of the things that triggers me, that you would stop doing them around me. I explained everyday how it affects me, but it's like you don't care and I'm giving up. Is it because you think it's not a big deal? To people that been through things like I have and I been through too much in my life that it feels like no one cares to understand and I'm all alone with things that I want to let go inside my head and heart. Yes I love you deeply, but I feel like you don't really love me anymore. My son wants a father, his real father wants him dead. So he is hurting as well. My son and I have the same pain, not having a father. He has a chance to feel it from you, only if you want to give it to him. I won't ever know how it truly feels, unless my mom gets a guy that truly loves her. All I ever want is your attention, affection, love all that good stuff that no one wants to give me. I'm just not one of those lucky people who can get all they want. Just because they are what everyone really wants in the first place. I'm so done with pain, I'm tired of feeling it. Felt it since I was 3 and it hasn't left yet. I guess God is showing people one of his strongest children and I'm a living proof of it. It's very hard and tiring to keep living with my trauma, but I don't want to leave my son's with a broken heart. They need me to stay, they need to see how strong a person can be, from going through different kinds of hell. They need to see, not to give up on life. Even though I would like to leave it. I been strong my whole life and I need to stay strong for my son's.
© Charlotte B.