It's been almost 5 years after my break up with him, he is married so am I but some thoughts are bothering me writing them down.
Being Honest!
before I start writing this here on this platform, I feel proud about me.


It was in Jan 2018 when he cheated on me and I almosted felt I died after he messing up our 11 years of togetherness.

Hey Reader!

Kajol Gupta is an ordinary North Indian, Bollywood lover who always wanted her to be a one man women ( trust me after my break up, it was hard to be that)

Raised in a typical north-indian family, I was thought of marriage and commitments, house-hold chors and keeping family together.

I followed the same with my relationship with Him (My Mr.N) but he messed it after whole fucking 11 years.

now after 5 years where I have a news of he being a father ( of which I should not feel anything, I am breaking down)

is this love??
(you give your everything to someone the power unknown, make him so special that he start devaluing your power and just making it drained after several years??)
everyone say he wasn't perfect....
but hang on!! what is perfect??
am not perfect no one around me is perfect but we accept each other and build up relationships.
was it soooo difficult for him to accept me lately???
was things between us baseless??
memories with him is fading.. just like it didn't mean anything to us..
11 fucking years where my World just revolved around him how can he be ok???

He said its destiny but all I wanted him to make me his destiny.
we actually were the power couple people used to admire and now what??? We both are eye -candy in any event where people are just watching us to see if we gonna hand shake??? or talk?

people say it's experience???
what kinda experience???
did I pay to any amusement park to give reviews for the rides?? did I pay at a restaurant for spreading the hospitality and food stars.?? did I pay to Mr.N??? to let me tour his likes, dislikes, his family, his religion, his career, his comfort, his everything??? to give a review on him that wat kinda asshole is he???
No right?

I invested my years to work things out of him like my parents did on my studies ( gosh atleast it's helping me on my career)
...

love isn't hard to find?? if people like this just knock any door and go.

I am not saying that singles shouldn't explore... yes they should explore.. but what happened to those love now a days???
those feelings that he is the one and even after I exploring him I will figure things out with him...

bloody hell...

I forgot....

he cheated on me🤣

so apparently Cheating is an experience????
what the fuck is wrong with the world now a days..
why can't teenager just date and say see i will not marry you...
why hopes and string attached???

might be am over reacting..
no guys am sharing my experience..

if I messed anything in that relationship and it bothered him why the fuck he didn't acknowledged me..
cheating was not and never am option between we both..

Am still a confused soul even after having a husband..
I still think what on earth I did that my hard work didn't pay me well. .

Apparently All i Did for 8 years is to make life with him...
I Failed...
I Failed as a women..
I Failed as a human.
I Failed as an ambitious girl.
I Failed as a daughter..
I Failed...
am
still failing..........

Does love give you this pain??? if yes then this is not love...
and as people quote "It's an experience."
who pay sooo much of energy,power,name,faith,soul,etc to get such an experience?????


still confused with what is love ....
and
confused about why I am not able to consider it like my bad experience???

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