I have a friend. He is a person I really want to be with, I don't know how it start but it's just started without my notice.

"Come on, Kiran!" I look at Raizen who waited for me, he was wearing the jersey I made for him.

It's my gift for him.

"Coming!" I said and jog towards to him. He smile and hold my hand.

My heart beats so fast that I can hear it, I feel like I am blushing. Why do I feel like this? I tried to stop the feeling..

I tried..

"Don't.." He said when he feels my hand slipping out. He look at me in the eye.

"W-why? It's awkward." I laugh but I know there's no humor on it.

It's just that I am scared that this friendship won't last any longer if I did entertain my feelings for him.

_______________________

"I remember that Raizen have a new girlfriend now!" James said as he shoot the ball. I stop for a moment.

"Really? You didn't know, Kiran?" Alden ask me and I just simply nod."Why? You two are close right?"

"I j-just don't know, gonna go I have some things to do." I said and hurriedly leave the cafeteria.

Like what they said he has a gf and I didn't even know about it, I saw them always in our campus even in our practice she is still there supporting Raizen.

I look at them as I drink the water that James give me, she really take good care of him and they are fit to each other. She is pretty, he deserves her.

"You like him, don't you?" I look at James. I can see that I can't avoid his question.

"Y-yeah, but let's keep it a secret please. I don't want to ruin a relationship.." I said and he just tap my shoulder.

"Why you stopped tho?" I sigh deeply and sat beside him.

"I feel like I need to, we are not meant together and you know he is straight and I don't even know why I like him when in fact I am straight asf before.." Even how many times I will ask myself, I can't find an answer because I know there's only one thing--

I just like him.

The way he laugh
The way he caress his hair,
The way he smile at me, to everyone.

"You love him, for me you should confess because atleast in the end you won't regret because you know you did your part.." James said as he smile at me.

Maybe, I should?

_________________________

I was just busy finding some books when I accidentally bumped into someone. I closed my eyes and apologize to the person who I bumped with.

"I am sorry, I am sorry." I said and help the person to fix his books.

"It's okay, Kiran.." I stop when I read his husky voice, damn that voice it's always dominating me.

"O-okay, I should go--" I was about to leave when he touch my hand and pull me back to face him.

"Let's talk, please.." He said and his eyes full of admiration.

"What is it? Please make it more faster because I have some class to attend to." He sigh.

"We broke up." He said and I am shocked about it. I look at him.

"W-why? You loved her and you are serious about her--" He interrupt me.

"Not as much as I love and care for you." My eyes got widen.

What is he sayin'?

What is it now?

"What do you m-mean?" He close his eyes and I parted my lips when he slowly put his head on my shoulder.

Why do I feel like he is tired? Tired from what? Tired from what reason?

"I t-tried to date so many girls to forget you, Kiran. I tried to find the feeling I found in you but I failed-- I keep on failing.." When he lift his head our lips almost touching.

"W-what are you sayin' now?" He touch my cheeks and kiss my nose.

This is not real, right?

This is not right, right?

"I failed because everytime I try my heart always pull me back coming to you, because I realized there's only Kiran and no one else." My tears flow down as he caress my cheeks.

I shook my head."N-no, you are just lying!"

"I am not! I will never lie!" I step back and I can see the pain in his eyes and suddenly, I feel like it's a bad move and I wanna hold him in my arms.

From pain to tiredness. That's what I only saw on his eyes.

"It's just a r-responsibility, you thought you are obliged to love me because I l-love you!" I saw him being in love with someone else."You lied because I saw you dated too many girls while you are in love with me, Raizen as what you said.."

He pull me and kiss my lips then hug me. The hug that I never knew existed. He hold me like I am his world..

It's scary to accept because I know loving the same gender is hard. How I can fight for this?

"Trust me.."

By that, Raizen almost took everything from me. Everything, include my heart, soul, and body.

I am only belong to him.

I am only committed to him..

Even it's forbidden, even if I am a sinner.

I will still choose you..



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