I pray a lot. But maybe sometimes I am not praying about the things that matter. Wich is mostly because I haven't had the time to fully comprehend how I feel. I mean I want to quit cigarettes but I am addicted. Wich addiction for me has been the hardest thing to face. I don't know if I have myself fooled that the dope helps me. But honestly with my disability it does help me read and concentrate. I get to do normal activities and enjoy them. Wich is so innocent to me. I want to be good to my body so I am sure to watch that but I still have a goal. Maybe I shouldn't just ask God to heal me or watch over my family but just talk. Like I write now is how open I want to feel talking to God. But can God intervene and heal me or do I have to do this on my own? I can't stand how weak I am. It bothers me. I know my prayers are heard. I have faith but I can't face another hell. Wich I know is coming. That's another thing I don't feel is right either. Why punish me for something I am helpless over? Why kick me while I am already down? I am so torn on all the success I have accomplished this year and positive things I have done. I am proud of my writing and art. It makes me feel good about myself. But I go back to the fact I...