|| 4:10am ||
|| 27th January 2024 ||


It's about to be a month into 2024...And I can sense that this year won't be as smooth as 2023... This year is going to be like a roller coaster ride.!!
I don't know why there's this strange fear every night... Can't seem to feel happy..!! And I'm constantly worried about what the next step should be or how to proceed... Whenever I go to bed, my mind keeps running with thoughts about what to do next, what target to achieve.. aisa lagta hai ki.. kya kuch jo skta..and all..!!
Also there's a storm brewing inside m.. But this time, I'm able to identify what this storm is about...I feel scared especially when it comes to my family..!! I can't bear the thought of my parents growing old... There's a fear of some emergency happening and how I'll manage everything alone... Secondly there's the looming responsibility of my sister's wedding to consider.!!
I know everything will be manageable..so I shouldn't overthink about such matters.!! islye Just to console myself..I am here scribbling.!! I know I am strong..I can do a lot if I want to...I can stand up for everything.!!

Now..at this phase of my life..I'm beginning to feel a sense of responsibilities..ab lagta vo God se connection maintain karna kyn zaruri hota..
I stopped praying/believing in God completely after my heartbreak a few years ago because I had asked so much from God for him...But all of that remained just a dream..!!
I have seen that person moving away from me bht kareeb aakr.. My past life has been a traumatizing experience...I admit my mistakes too...But I never thought that the end result of all that would have such a huge impact on my life...
My connection with God faded away during that phase of my life...I also distanced myself socially..
Today..I am not the same person I was one or two years ago...I have started considering myself strong and a better personality now!!
I know bad things happened to me..and I acknowledge that I am the reason..I want him not to feel guilty about anything concerning me...
Now...at the stage of life I'm in, I sometimes get scared and hesitant to walk alone...But I never stop.!!Whatever journey I'm embarking on in my life now...this path feels entirely new to me...Sometimes I don't understand my own steps. But still, I've started believing in going with the flow... !!!

Now...the fear that overwhelms me..the constant anxiety --- I know the solution to all of these...!! I just need to reconnect with my God...I need to resume my meditation practice...
If we dedicate ourself wholeheartedly to any task..believe me..nothing is impossible then.!! We shape our own destiny.. And I regret disconnecting myself from God for no reason..
Praying gives us inner strength..fosters inner confidence..and then we become self-sufficient..not needing anyone else.!!!

I used to always think that I was so dumb...People would come and hurt me..kuch bhi bol ke chale jate the..and I couldn't respond properly.. and I'd just end up crying...I didn't know how to react in any situation..I would speak without thinking..act without considering the consequences.!!
Whatever came to mind..I blurted out. My emotions used to dominate me..I listened to my heart more than my mind...Trust me..I've lived my life as a very naive girl until now...In fact, even my decisions weren't used to be my own. I would seek opinions from others.. which made the other person perceive me as weak and an easy target.

I have faced all these challenges in my personal life.. I have seen myself moving forward through struggles alone..In all these transitional journeys..no one was with me...
At one point..I realized that if I sought opinions from people..they would just judge me. No one really wanted to listen to me from the heart and understand..and I couldn't discuss everything with my family.. I used to cry...I started scribbling down my thoughts in one place and then analyze the situation and work on it..
Recently..I made a commitment to myself that if I am scribbling about any problem, it should be resolved right there... I made sure that I wouldn't face the same situation again where I had to scribble about those problem fir se..
And yes..it helped me a lot.!!! I have overcome many problems by writing them down in my Google notes... I also realized that every problem has a solution. It's just that I never wanted to tackle those problems. I kept running away and waiting for the end result..!!

Even today..I am still on my transformation journey...And I believe in myself...
I know that in the upcoming year, I will emerge as a successful woman... My dream has never been about earning a lot of money. I am the kind of girl who can manage easily with just 10k a month..
My dream is simply to create my own brand name..It has always been my dream that people recognize me for my name and my work..
Well..the plans for the future journey are all set, and I will reveal them as time comes.!!!!!!!
For now, I just want to sincerely apologize to God for everything and start anew...May God always bless me with His grace...
If I have made any mistakes in the past..may He forgive me!!! if I have hurt anyone, I seek forgiveness...And if I have ever said anything wrong to my friends or anyone else, please forgive me...

I am somewhat afraid inside..and I know that forgiveness is the solution...
if God's hand remains upon my head, even this problem will be resolved 🙂

Also a messege to a person who can actually feel my words :

If people call you imperfect..judge you..or call you immature..at that particular moment..do what feels right to you...!!
Let them speak..let them give their opinions. ..Know that we all progress in life at our own pace...
You should never change yourself for anyone..
Positive changes begin to manifest themselves over time... and the thrill of picking yourself up after falling is unmatched..ekdm alag sa nasha sa hota vo..
Handle your weakest times independently..and you'll discover your strengths..!!Don't panic in any situation..everything in life is temporary...Just deal with whatever comes your way..whether immaturely or maturely. It's totally fine and doesn't matter.


PS : Maturity time ke sath khud aa jati.. so worry not :)

Anyways.
Have a Nice Day.
Happy Weekend.
Jai Shree Raam
Take care.

<3