nineteen winters and I barely remember the blue eyed girl I once was
funny, how my eyes turned grey-lit as the pavements that I've walked on for half of my life
funny, how it sounds like so many years passed by- while it barely feels like I've blinked two times
nineteen winters and now i'm ashes and burned orange flames in the spirales around my pupilles
I'm too many words for a poem and too less to be called a short story, I'm a...
Book not written yet

.
.



I've got trauma and I mix it with drama cause that's what I've been called for expressing who I am
Was getting lost in the sommernightsdream-
too soon for a child barely able to contain what it has seen?
oberon, titantia and fae
adults would look at me with mockery
like, I imagine Zeus does while pretending to be in control
one snap and the earth quakes
I want the earth to snap in half and shed its skin
I'm done with being nice but I can't seem to get out of my own skin, huh what a shame
I hear the wardrums like it's my blood circulating
Can you feel the rush as it's hurting me?
I am hurting and I want to curse the world
How many girls will have to dress up like dolls
Playing in rolls that weren't ours to begin with?
Our domains will choose us
Like nature makes us bleed every month
Magic running in our veins
How much more shame do we have to go through?
For just..
Being- Existing - on this earth
Beneath the skies and above the darkness
I'm flames and unspoken truths stuck in my throat
Don't come begging on your knees
You- who wants us begging instead



Softness of wings on a sunny day
I see birds on the sky and wish nothing more then for them to take me far away
I can't be anything but human - and sometimes I'm not sure if it's curse or gift or maybe... both
Would you know?
Cause if I could choose to be born again
I'd refuse to be human once more
Is it the truth? Does it hurt?
I will never get tired of being a woman
And wearing my ancestors in my eyes
I will never lose poetry and I will never stop hearing Apollo's hymth when the sun stands high upon this ground...
But I won't let myself get fooled into believing that the sun will be up forever and the war drums will eventually die down
I'll never let myself get turned into a flower like it's an insult to be something so beautiful
But if I ever turn into something else then i am now - it will be on my own regards
I will choose to be either flower or sword
Fire blazing or the Softness of wings at the sky
I will choose to be
Exist
Even tho some of you don't want me too
Hear my war cries
World
Do you listen?
Do you fear- all the little girls
Growing up with open eyes?
.
.


You will watch us growing wings
You will not stop us nor will you fool us
You will see the dreams and you'll see us creating them into weapons
See the star visions
Feel Fate turning wheels
Kiss of dandelions
as sweet as dangerous
You will watch and you will see
You will see
.
.




We will see the dark and love it as one of our own
Nyx be our guard and Faith will be our ward
Styx will be our oat keeper- secrets whispered and then screamed to the skies
No chains as we walk side by side - cross by cross
Yours is mine and mine is yours
Don't fetishize - don't sexualize - don't try to strike us with your words thrown in fear
you'd call us worth less then yourself but you did while thinking we might overthrow you
Did you think we'd steal a throne you'd placed yourself on - unworthy?
We don't want a throne made out of bones and blood
You're nothing but fools thinking of themselves almost as high as gods
But who are you to call yourself anything but a fool?
you can't even look at yourself
without seeing a dying world
.
.

Don't misunderstand me
We won't do what you did to us
We don't want revenge
We will be better then you've been
And you'll say ours names with regret
.
.
I still want the summer's eve
Colors in the sky and colors in the deep
Ocean in my heart and wild roses in my hair
It's almost like I can hear the waves crashing
Almost like I can smell the woods
Rooting me so deep I have no begin - on end
Do you feel it?
When you find yourself faced with your reflection
Do you have some affection
Left for yourself?
Can you hear Aphrodite and Venus calling?
Can you hear them sing?
Just for you
© nijiro