4 views
My life dairy part 9
15/4/2024
7.30 AM Shimla
"Every saint has a past every sinner has a future"
So,
The whether is numb, yesterday it was raining cats and dogs. And right now it seems as if everything is numb cause the birds are silent, the cars are off, the doors are closed it seems as if everyone is still sleeping. I can feel the silence outside but the volcanoes inside me are kind of disturbing the peace a lot. Well it has been a month since I wrote a line. I came back after a month on this aap to pen down some words that are becoming like heavy burden on my shoulders. I wana spill the tea and beans. Let's begin now.
I realized recently that everyone has different luck, you know like even among six siblings all the six will have different luck. Isn't it interesting though. Well then let me start from the beginning, one month ago I was crazily crazy for a boy {senior}.I have narrated the whole story in part 7 or in other parts I guess. So you know what I GAVE UP. yes you read it right I gave up on him. Before a month an interesting incident happened, when we got off from college me and my classmate we went to talk to him regarding syllabus etc and he talked nicely and he looked in my eyes for fraction of time. And once we were done talking , we went to washroom and I saw him leaving in front of my own eyes. He walked fast and I was taking steps like a bride, so slow and gentle. When I saw a Somo I prayed that oh Almighty please stop this somo and please let that senior be in this somo please please. And to my surprise when the driver opened the window I saw my senior on back seat. Even though I could have sit with my senior cause the seats were empty I changed the way and sit in the middle seat. When the drives dropped me off at my stop I took a bus for home. In the middle way I serched for me id card but it was nowhere and I was so tensed, I called my classmate she said no. I called by brother he said no your card isn't here. So I thought maybe I dropped it in somo and I called my senior to find my card in somo but he said I am in market and you haven't dropped your card there. I have dropped from the some{my classmate gave me his number} I was so worried untill I came back to my room and serched myself and I found my card in my coat. Finally I found it and then I was expecting that my senior would call me atleast about the card like he will call and say have you found out the card etc but No.He didn't even texted. He didn't called and then I thought for two days and I realized that I am waisting myself for a person who doesn't even care for me, if he really loved me then he should atleast have texted or called for once to know about me like whether I found it or lost . He acted as if nothing ever happened. And in second perspective if he really loved me then he should have saved my number and texted and then we might have stayed in touch and someday we would have ended up together but look what he did he really missed the chance, he didn't took a step forward and that day onwards I questiined myself and got the answers. And yaa A month has passed and I realized it a lot that just because you have eye contacts, or someone looks at you, or someone gazes, or someone smiles when looking at you it does mean it is love. You know the best thing about time is that you learn new lesson every moment and your experience get mature a lot.
From that day onwards I don't make eye contacts with him anymore even though he. akes I just ignore, when he talks I move away, I ignore him as if I never loved him. And gradually I am moving on more and more. You know there were times when he was a bonus point line even though we had three classes I used to go beaches I was like omg I would see him today what a happy day and now u have reached at the point that even if we have 8 classes and if they aren't useful I am like leave these classes I will study at home. And then a question strikes my mind hai but your crush will also be here today so lets go to college and we can see him but my heart replies NO. Now he doesn't matter the most, now I don't value him the most. It breaks me a part that even though he had a golden chace to have a future for me and him but what did he do. He just neglected and right now he has my number too he had ample reasons to talk, he could message me by saying like how is your prep going, do you need notes, do u have papers etc but look he is still the same. it really doesn't affect him even 1%. Who was I to him. A source of eye contact only. You know what I believe if you love someone truly you will do even smallest efforts to make them happy and for me i had the belief that even if the world goes one side I will always be with him. Because I loved him a lot really. I could carry a tree with me just to give him shade,and like really I mean it what I said. I loved him. And as the days passed I learned more and more things about him and then every day the percent of love that decreased from my heart turned into that amount of hatred for him.
Look I will mention here the words that I once penned down for him months ag
1. I want to keep your every smile your every eye contact alive with me. İn my heart forever.
Remember if you are not ready to sacrifice your soul for your loved ones, then don't tell anyone you love.I want to sacrifice myself to you
my love because I don't want just love I want it as kara sevda {endless love}
2. Lately I have realized that one must live the moments and so does apply for you I want to live in the moments when I am around you. I want to keep looking at your eyes everytime and I know at the end of the day it breaks me really so much that I want to cry on a alone mountain but since you are destined to leave at any cost why not I make memories in these 3 years and let them be an evidence of you for upcoming 65 years or like till I am get old and then die. I will bear the pain in these three years no matter what
that's my promise to myself .
3. Do remember this thing that you have really been the heartthrob. Remember there is a heart that beats for you. I just adore you a lot and I am really so much into you. There are mnay ways I could talk with you but I don't want to use any of them because I want you to be yourself. I would never force you. But I will never stop loving you. May be the people out there hate you, but believe me I am always gona love you, because my heart belives that there is something magical in you. Remember I am gonna keep loving you till the end even though I know it will be unrequited love at the end. You know what
Dekha zamaana saara bharam hai
Ishq ibaadat ishq karam hai
Mera theekana tere hi dehleez hai
Ho main hoon deeware
Chhat hai piya tu
Rabb ki mujhe nemat hai piya tu
Mere liye tu barkat ka taveez hai
So,
What do you think now, yes I was the one who said these lines a month ago for you. and now looking at these lines I laugh at myself. I have become a joke for myself. I am not angry not even a little bit because I am a practical person. You don't love me that's ok . Love cant be forced and shouldn't be forced. To love is to let go. To love is to set free. And I set you free. Do whatever you want, where ever you want to go.
To myself there is a massage that sometimes people make promises but they don't fullfill them you shouldn't call them liars or fake because with the passage of time you learn things that force you not to fullfill the promises.
My heart aches a lot 😊
© reminisce
7.30 AM Shimla
"Every saint has a past every sinner has a future"
So,
The whether is numb, yesterday it was raining cats and dogs. And right now it seems as if everything is numb cause the birds are silent, the cars are off, the doors are closed it seems as if everyone is still sleeping. I can feel the silence outside but the volcanoes inside me are kind of disturbing the peace a lot. Well it has been a month since I wrote a line. I came back after a month on this aap to pen down some words that are becoming like heavy burden on my shoulders. I wana spill the tea and beans. Let's begin now.
I realized recently that everyone has different luck, you know like even among six siblings all the six will have different luck. Isn't it interesting though. Well then let me start from the beginning, one month ago I was crazily crazy for a boy {senior}.I have narrated the whole story in part 7 or in other parts I guess. So you know what I GAVE UP. yes you read it right I gave up on him. Before a month an interesting incident happened, when we got off from college me and my classmate we went to talk to him regarding syllabus etc and he talked nicely and he looked in my eyes for fraction of time. And once we were done talking , we went to washroom and I saw him leaving in front of my own eyes. He walked fast and I was taking steps like a bride, so slow and gentle. When I saw a Somo I prayed that oh Almighty please stop this somo and please let that senior be in this somo please please. And to my surprise when the driver opened the window I saw my senior on back seat. Even though I could have sit with my senior cause the seats were empty I changed the way and sit in the middle seat. When the drives dropped me off at my stop I took a bus for home. In the middle way I serched for me id card but it was nowhere and I was so tensed, I called my classmate she said no. I called by brother he said no your card isn't here. So I thought maybe I dropped it in somo and I called my senior to find my card in somo but he said I am in market and you haven't dropped your card there. I have dropped from the some{my classmate gave me his number} I was so worried untill I came back to my room and serched myself and I found my card in my coat. Finally I found it and then I was expecting that my senior would call me atleast about the card like he will call and say have you found out the card etc but No.He didn't even texted. He didn't called and then I thought for two days and I realized that I am waisting myself for a person who doesn't even care for me, if he really loved me then he should atleast have texted or called for once to know about me like whether I found it or lost . He acted as if nothing ever happened. And in second perspective if he really loved me then he should have saved my number and texted and then we might have stayed in touch and someday we would have ended up together but look what he did he really missed the chance, he didn't took a step forward and that day onwards I questiined myself and got the answers. And yaa A month has passed and I realized it a lot that just because you have eye contacts, or someone looks at you, or someone gazes, or someone smiles when looking at you it does mean it is love. You know the best thing about time is that you learn new lesson every moment and your experience get mature a lot.
From that day onwards I don't make eye contacts with him anymore even though he. akes I just ignore, when he talks I move away, I ignore him as if I never loved him. And gradually I am moving on more and more. You know there were times when he was a bonus point line even though we had three classes I used to go beaches I was like omg I would see him today what a happy day and now u have reached at the point that even if we have 8 classes and if they aren't useful I am like leave these classes I will study at home. And then a question strikes my mind hai but your crush will also be here today so lets go to college and we can see him but my heart replies NO. Now he doesn't matter the most, now I don't value him the most. It breaks me a part that even though he had a golden chace to have a future for me and him but what did he do. He just neglected and right now he has my number too he had ample reasons to talk, he could message me by saying like how is your prep going, do you need notes, do u have papers etc but look he is still the same. it really doesn't affect him even 1%. Who was I to him. A source of eye contact only. You know what I believe if you love someone truly you will do even smallest efforts to make them happy and for me i had the belief that even if the world goes one side I will always be with him. Because I loved him a lot really. I could carry a tree with me just to give him shade,and like really I mean it what I said. I loved him. And as the days passed I learned more and more things about him and then every day the percent of love that decreased from my heart turned into that amount of hatred for him.
Look I will mention here the words that I once penned down for him months ag
1. I want to keep your every smile your every eye contact alive with me. İn my heart forever.
Remember if you are not ready to sacrifice your soul for your loved ones, then don't tell anyone you love.I want to sacrifice myself to you
my love because I don't want just love I want it as kara sevda {endless love}
2. Lately I have realized that one must live the moments and so does apply for you I want to live in the moments when I am around you. I want to keep looking at your eyes everytime and I know at the end of the day it breaks me really so much that I want to cry on a alone mountain but since you are destined to leave at any cost why not I make memories in these 3 years and let them be an evidence of you for upcoming 65 years or like till I am get old and then die. I will bear the pain in these three years no matter what
that's my promise to myself .
3. Do remember this thing that you have really been the heartthrob. Remember there is a heart that beats for you. I just adore you a lot and I am really so much into you. There are mnay ways I could talk with you but I don't want to use any of them because I want you to be yourself. I would never force you. But I will never stop loving you. May be the people out there hate you, but believe me I am always gona love you, because my heart belives that there is something magical in you. Remember I am gonna keep loving you till the end even though I know it will be unrequited love at the end. You know what
Dekha zamaana saara bharam hai
Ishq ibaadat ishq karam hai
Mera theekana tere hi dehleez hai
Ho main hoon deeware
Chhat hai piya tu
Rabb ki mujhe nemat hai piya tu
Mere liye tu barkat ka taveez hai
So,
What do you think now, yes I was the one who said these lines a month ago for you. and now looking at these lines I laugh at myself. I have become a joke for myself. I am not angry not even a little bit because I am a practical person. You don't love me that's ok . Love cant be forced and shouldn't be forced. To love is to let go. To love is to set free. And I set you free. Do whatever you want, where ever you want to go.
To myself there is a massage that sometimes people make promises but they don't fullfill them you shouldn't call them liars or fake because with the passage of time you learn things that force you not to fullfill the promises.
My heart aches a lot 😊
© reminisce
