3,4,5 and 6 it was muddy hands, dirty feet, ice cream and toys accompanied by careless laughter. We stated playing together when we were three, our parents were best friends. We met at play dates, birthday parties and our parent's dinner parties then we became 17, 18, 19... It was now balancing school lipstick, short dresses and sneaking out our parent's Windows to our other friends parties and kissing at lake sides. Silly boy and girl who know nothing about life.

We had too much fun our parents agreed while I was lying on a hospital bed after your car crashed while trying to speed away from the police. They called me stupid and you were called reckless, they did not see the tears slithering from my eyes down my bruised face. Yes, I was stupid you were reckless but you were my hero, you were everything I wanted but I guess they will never know because why was I taken away from you the minute I was discharged.

At 20,21,22 And 23 I was in a different state and going through college all on my own and though you were not there nothing changed I was still that silly and stupid girl who was balancing college assignments and parties and still driving in fast cars. I saw you on social media, you had changed so much while I was posting pictures of my fast life you were writing posts about making a difference in the world so at 25, 26, 27, 28 I was still hoping from one bad boy to another while you changed your relationship status. Life had changed drastically changed from what we knew when we were 3,4,5,6 but I finally realized that now that we are 30, 31, 32,33, 34 and 35 while sitting at church watching you waiting for the love of your life to walk down the isle that my feelings never changed but my state of mind has changed when tears that once slithered down my bruised face now touched a much older face and you turn to look at me whisper “I am sorry” so what am I to do now? Run out of town again, get into the fastest car I find and get wasted? What do I do? I will leave the church but do not follow me… I am not expecting you to. I want you to get married to her, continue to make plans to change the world and make a life for yourself… forget about me. You know why… because this time I was not crying because you were taken away from me I am not 3,4,5,6 or 17, 18, 19, 20 any more. I know there is growing and that is what you are doing and that is also what I need to do so that I do not become 50, 51, 52, 53 and lonely still thinking about you. I need to get off the fast cars and make a good life for myself so that I can have a daughter that I can tell about being stupid, silly And counting years…. I want her to know how it feels to be 61,62,63 and happy not thinking about a boy she lost when she was 21,22,23,24 And 25 because I want to teach her how to move on…