A day ended. And another is about to begin. In between these, there is darkness. Contrary to general perception, I don't consider darkness as surprisingly bad. We all have some dark part in ourselves that makes the very basis of our character. It's always a question of 'what we want to do' and 'what we should'. The dilemma is so complex sometimes that it creates a situation of total zero. But what if what I believe or perceive is not what I am meant to. What if I have a purpose hidden in a very confined place inside myself that is too hard to be found. What about that dark part that makes me feel like a devil sometimes and which makes me ignore the good around me that I must see. May be, it's about choice. Choice of thoughts, beliefs, values and actions. Many a time, I am unable to control what I think. It makes me vulnerable to myself. I am not wrong in believe that the most frightening thing I have ever encountered was my own existence in my life. It was me who stopped myself a number of times from doing what I should have done. I might be the biggest enemy of my soul. Being corrupt from inside is normal, but staying intact on what you believe is sometimes too hard to maintain. In order to understand myself, I looked within, to find any clue about my type, the kind of person I am. It was more about 'what' than about 'who'. I sailed through my thoughts and felt them closely. I got engaged with my memories for a while. Memories indeed has a great value in determining the exact righteousness of the moment or action. I felt that I have way too much random thoughts and a mammoth size of fear of unknown in me. There are 2 types of things, one that I can control and the other that I can't, by any means. I looked around and observed that some people are just living happily without much to think about, not because they have what they wanted, but because they value what they have. In this process, I felt memories of some touches, some whispers and some faces that changed the course of my life to some extent. I realized that I earned all these so far, all of 'them'. A flashback is just too overwhelming sometimes. I had one. I felt that my lips widened with a smile and my eyes got a spark due to the little wetness in them. I took a deep breath and made my conclusion. I am a human, possibly the only corrupt creature existing in this world, but at the same time, I have the most developed thinking and reasoning ability. I have responsibilities to carry out for life, about my people, my self and my environment. For this, I need to work really hard and that's why I don't have much time bothering about trivial random fears and misconceptions. I want to make sure that I don't die for nothing. This very life has a reason, to have an impact on the lives associated with me, to make them feel alive, to make them positive like a proton and reduce their high uncertainty like an electron. I must do what I am supposed to. And I should want what I must do. In this way, I won't loose it midway and I will always feel purposeful. The darkness in me has to wait for another life. Finally, I am back to my world again, with some firm affirmative thoughts and a burning idea about how to lead my way ahead. Hope is the only religion that has sustained through ages and made human progressing. I hope my hope never dies.
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