This afternoon instagram was flooded with all super excited new bees trying there passion out in writing .arts, teaching modelling etc which then bought me to a self doubt for what did I do these years. Did I do anything that the world could admire me for? Trying to find out the answer to my doubt, I immediately ran through the stages of lockdown. I found myself indulged in art embroidery, cooking, writing sometimes, modelling etc.then I figured out I was doing all of the above but confined to myself and not to the world.
Then a overthinking mind thought -Is it very difficult to understand that everybody here on this world have there own agendas to live there life .I think we all know that but many times we tend to fall for what we see, so eventually Overlook the reality. I would not deny of me being such a creature. I do neglect the fact of everybody having their sides of the coin. I feel distressed, failed for life, agitated frustrated and land up loosing myself .My mind surrenders to such negative cravings. Sometimes when I long for support , healing talks and motivation to get me back to the zest of life , I talk to my husband..who is a stocked super market of inducements. He always has encouraged me to be optimistic of things happening in life. Not that I say my life is unworthy. Besides it's a Life that I have dreamt of. A beautiful family - A very stuble father in law, An innocent sister in law, a super duper Mom in law whom I cannot thank much and most importantly my husband- creation of God tagged with my name on him. What else could a girl expect. This family has 200 percent different shades than mine. I had always seen my family in shades of grey. Occasionally these shades of grey overpower my minds and soul too.
I am a working women... Working my ass out for last 9 years with no breaks no holidays but few paid leave as I owned it so that I could get my ass on the right place to work again. Not that I must have not got a chance to travel, however priority that time was keeping my Family secure. It still is, but with a enlarged family security plan..
Overthinking is in my genes. For what I personify myself like a silhouette against the clouds of brooding. The perpetual guilt of not achieving anything in life dampens my spirit. This thought happens with a lot of us around. We stop giving importance to what we are and what can we do to get our spirit alive , instead concentrate on what others influence us with. Then the voice inner echos"Watch out girl, this is not you. You are a bright personage than you think you are. U have even more in your pallette. It is 'time' that would make a difference". This inner voice is a life saver at that particular moment.. U won't get this voice everything time u ponder. Its within u and helps u when u feel u can help your own self.
It's bizzare to ask a question like this : Are we overthinking or is overthinking thinking us? Weird, right? Well! That is What we have to understand. Do we choose to become a, silhouette or stand out beaming to the world. Being optimistic is an art that we inculcate in ourselves. It feels difficult sometimes. But when u do it. You win it..
That's when you perceive- A content soul shapes your destiny.
It wasn't as easy for me to be this optimistic, neither am I to the pro levels of optimism .But being one gives you an opportunity to learn on every stage. And for this particular learning I owe a thank u to my all time well stocked inducement supermarket which keeps on upgrading itself to keep me sane.
© An eye to my soul