The noise was unbearable. Despite the earbuds in his ear blasting the loudest music he could possibly find, the noise was too much.
Everyone's thoughts were deafening.
He thought being able to read people's minds would be fun, but if only he had a say in the matter.
The tram came to a stop as he quickly hurried off, pushing his way through people. The further he moved from the tram, the quieter the thoughts became. Yet they were overtaken by the thoughts of the hundreds of people that he pushed through in the crowded city center. He was doing his best to hide his pain under a stoic and emotionless face pointed downward, staring down at the ground and at the thousands of feet moving around in every direction.
He continued to push and push. Every dirty secret that went unsaid filling and echoing around the inside of his head.
People wanting to confess their love.
People wanting to commit heinous acts.
People wanting to tell others how they truly feel.
Yet it all went unsaid.
The only people who knew the thoughts existed were themselves and the unassuming man that often went undetected. Went about his life unnoticed.
He finally made it to the door, quickly taking out his keys and unlocking it as quickly as he could. He stepped inside and shut the door, quickly walking down the hallway to another door, opening it and marching forward.
The thoughts were finally disappearing, leaving his ears filled with nothing but the sound of the music. He took the earbuds out and let out a sigh of relief. He made his way to the elevator, pressing the one button on the small panel. He stood, waiting patiently for the box to come down and take him to his safe space. He stared forward at the blank doors, standing in silence.
The most relaxing and lovely sound he knew.
Pure silence.
As the elevator began to come down, thoughts that belonged to others once again began to feel his head.
But it wasn't a wall of noise or static like before.
It was one voice.
One person's internal monologue to themselves.
He usually hated to hear the thoughts of others, but he couldn't keep them away.
"Okay. Just relax. Be yourself. You've been practicing all of this past week. You can and you will get this job. You got this. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Just be yourself."
The thoughts continued to fill his head as he couldn't help but smirk.
The elevator dinged as the doors opened.
He saw the back of a woman, staring at herself in the mirrored wall that made up the other side of the elevator. She was pointing at herself and fixed the hair in her face.
She quickly spun around, looking right at his face and almost jumping back in surprise.
"Oh sorry, didn't see you there." She said, speaking with the tone of nervousness trying to take over.
He stepped to the side with a warm smile.
"Wow, so nice."
Her mouth didn't move, but he could hear her voice just as clearly if not more so.
"No worries. I hope you have a very great day."
He said.
She smiled and began to walk towards the door as he moved towards the elevator, but stopped himself.
"And hey…"
She stopped and turned to see him.
"You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Just be yourself."
Her face was very briefly a subtle hint of confusion, maybe even fear. But she smiled as she waved.
"Thank you. The same goes to you."
She turned to walk off as he walked into the elevator.
"That was weird. Do I know him? Is he…oh whatever."
She thought, filling his head as he sighed.
He pressed the button that went to the top floor, the doors slowly beginning to close.
But he could hear a voice that sounded panicked suddenly invading his brain, nearly screaming.
“Oh no! I’m going to miss it!”
He sighed and quickly held his hand out, stopping the doors from closing.
A teenage boy emerged, holding a small bouquet of flowers and box of chocolates. He had to push his messy black hair from his face using his forearm before looking at the man.
“Hey, thanks.”
He climbed inside as the elevator doors slowly closed.
“Okay…she was on floor four…but I should probably go to floor three…but she said her parents weren’t home so it should be fine…unless they haven’t left yet…”
His mind was filled with anxiety and panic. Even his internal voice was shaken.
“What floor?” The man asked next to him, able to hear every frantic thought.
“Um…the Fourth floor please.” The teen finally said, his voice trying to sound relaxed and reserved.
The man reached out, but didn’t press the button.
“Going to see a girlfriend?” The man asked.
The teen nodded his head.
“Um…well…crush…but I think…well I want to…ask her out.” He said nervously.
“What’s her name?” The man asked, still not pressing the button.
“Lainey. Such a beautiful girl. Just…”
The teen boy began to blush, his mouth stuck in a smile that almost seemed painful, yet he couldn’t control or hold back the happiness.
The man just smirked.
“Nervous?” The man asked.
The doors began to close as the elevator moved slowly upwards.
“Very. Her parents aren’t the biggest fans of me. But I would do anything to treat her right. Give her all of my love.” He said.
“The man slowly closed his eyes as he looked away from the teenager madly in love.
As they grew closer and closer to the 4th floor, he could hear her thoughts along with his.
“Oh I hope Jason didn’t get lost. I haven’t seen him in so long. I want to tell him how I feel.”
The man smirked and pressed the 4th floor button.
The teenage boy looked at him surprised and confused.
“If she invited you over, she probably feels the same way. I think in this case, being direct could help you.” The man said.
Jason slowly began to smile rather confidently.
“Yeah…yeah! Thank you sir.”
The elevator doors opened and Jason quickly made his way out. He walked through another door before seeing a dozen or so doors to different apartments.
The man closed his eyes as he could hear the thoughts of every person on the floor, but he focused in on Jason and Lainey.
He could hear the door knocking through both of their minds.
“Oh my gosh! He’s here! But play it cool. Don’t rush things. He should make the first move.” She said to herself.
“Oh man. I hope this goes well.” Jason’s voice spoke out.
The door opened, and the man could feel the romantic tension.
“Here goes nothing.” Jason’s voice filled his head.
The man opened his eyes, not wanting to intrude on the intimate moment.
The elevator doors closed as he slowly began to make his way further up once again.
He stared at himself in the mirrored wall, his eyes looking so drained of life and sleep. Yet he smiled. An innocent, warm smile on his face with cold, lifeless eyes.
He was so broken from hearing thousands of other people’s thoughts over his own every single day.
Now, he could think for himself.
Think about things he wanted to think about.
He was alone, inside and outside.
The elevator dinged and he turned to step outside.
He stepped through a door, able to hear faint whispers from the minds of the people living below him.
Not as loud as before, but like dozens of people softly mumbling to themselves.
There was only one door on the entire floor as he made his way over, pulling out another key and stabbing it inside.
He twisted it before opening the door and stepping into the darkness.
No light anywhere to be seen.
The door shut, casting his body in pure darkness.
The sound of the keys being placed rather forcefully into a glass bowl rang out.
The only sound.
And it disappeared in an instant.
The lights flickered on, a single switch turning on every single light in the massive apartment.
Every single surface from the floor, up the walls, and to the ceiling was covered in sound proof paneling. Not a single sliver of surface went uncovered.
He walked across the soft but solid floor, each panel covered in grooves that made the terrain very uneven but uniform throughout. He walked as best he could, seeming so used to it it wasn’t an issue.
He made it to his living room, scarcely furnished with a couch, small coffee table, and television.
The windows were completely shut tight with black out curtains, preventing any light or sound from trespassing into his safe space.
He sat on the couch rather forcefully and lifted his feet up, placing them on the coffee table and once again sighing.
He couldn’t hear anything.
No sound or thoughts from the outside world.
Once again, he was alone with his own thoughts and feelings.
He grabbed the remote from the couch armrest. He turned on the television, which opened on a news station where the reporters were speaking rapidly in Dutch.
He sighed and stared at the screen, struggling to catch everything that they’re saying with how quickly they spoke.
He flipped through multiple channels until he found something he wouldn’t have to think about.
They were playing soccer as he just laid his head back, shutting his eyes tight from the exhausting day.
And yet tomorrow, he would have to do it all over again.
Another day of suffering.
Another day without peace or silence.
Where every anxious feeling that other people feel is invading his own mind.
Taking over his own being and soul until he doesn’t know who he really is.
Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of voices shouting in his head that drowns out his own.
Making him a man who never knows who or what he is.
He only gets tiny moments of peace.
Single slivers of time where things are silent.
But other than that,
He has nothing but The Pain of Thoughts.

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