#SelfloveEra...#
I heard the sea breeze but this time I enjoyed it tried to be grateful for what ever I had and what ever I didn't had, I tried to wipe out my tears as they fell through I didn't knew why but today I heard the kids laugh joyful as his mother carried him in her arms and took him to his father to show off her strength just like I used to be by my father while playing with me as my mother used to make us dinner in the kitchen and hear our laugher from the back garden,
I walked myself back to home but this time the directions wear not clear my head feels like it is joining the missing piece of something I can't understand, my heart fell heavy like something is pressuring it with the wigth I can't lift, as I walk I saw the street cat meowing at me and rubbing her head at my lag as I casually petted her neck and stomach like I did maybe yesterday or maybe a week ago or a year ago I don't really remember but some how I can sences a comfort that I never did before, As I kept walking I embrace the winter wind blowing through my face to my hair from the tree's, I spoted the river I used to visit with you and talked to you for hours as we go to our home after school, the laughter I can still hear it the happiness and the comfort I would see in your eyes I still sence it till now as I enter the park, I wanted to see the flowers bloomed because once we were the one who sowed I set near the most valuable but beautiful flowers I show today and close my eyes I saw you infront me as a child Playing with me at this same park, I just my eyes and wish to tell you how much I loved you and how much I still do,I opened my eyes and saw the evening sun rays shining on my skin, I continued to talk towards I heard the birds singing, for the one last time I went to rest place where I sat near my grandfather's tomb and told him about my day how I am gretaful and how much I want to see him, how I saw a mother loveing her child and a dad love for his family, how wind made the noise by not speaking, how beautiful is the nature sound,

finnally I stood infront of "home", I saw my mother sleeping at the living room cold holding my picture in her arms keeping it warm, as I want to my room to get a blanket for her, I saw my father at his office desk fallen asleep while writing something in his hand was the pen I gifted him on father's day that he still has till this day I went inside of his work room and hugged him one last time as my eye fall upon what he was writing it was letter to his daughter "me" he was going to give it to me tomorrow, I left the room as tears falling from my eyes I covered my mother with the blanket and kissed her cheek and want to my room I saw through my window the mark that I made on the tree as growing up, that mark is disappearing little by little before leaving "home" I saw how the incense stick infront of my picture is burning out slowly as the sunrise,

I remembered saying hello to an older lady as I was walking away from"home" she didn't waved back at me, she was reading about my death in the newspaper as her husband called her from inside, the day after I killed myself I understood I wanted to live more...