Fragile love ..final part (Farewell)
#Writewithbunny
Our interactions became limited but we surpassed that stage too.
Soon, boards came to an end. Nidhi and l went on several dates and those days were the happiest moments of my youth which l still treasure. While 17 year old me had no idea what to do after 12th, Nidhi had a full fledged plan. She seemed to have a roadmap to her path of success while l was just a wanderer digging my way out of the huge forest of "career choices".
Nidhi chose medical. She told me she was appearing for NEET that year but was a little scared of not being selected. Though l comforted her, assuring her she would make it..her choice made me anxious too. She was appearing for NEET and hoping to get selected which meant she was leaving sooner or later. Leaving to a different city for not less than 6-7 years clearly meant the end. We had no future together. I knew l couldn't be a thorn to her path of succes and her being happy was my first priority. And as expected, l chose "her" over "us". Well, l didn't really have another choice, did l?
NEET examinations were to be conducted 2 months after our boards and l remember how focussed and determined she was. Oh, what a girl she is. I admired her back then and l still admire her till date.
I accompanied her to her center the day of her examination as her dad was too busy. She was so anxious she started shaking while l held her tight and assured her. I wished and prayed for her from the bottom of my heart though l knew this was probably the end.
She went inside to write her exam while l stood outside in the scorching sun as silent as a dead rock. I didn't understand what my silent meant back then but now as l look back, lm sure it means a mix of guilt and agony.
She came out hours later wearing that vibrant smile l always wished to gift her. She hugged me tight and told me that her exam went fantastic. I tried to be happy which l was for sure, but somewhere a small selfish part of me wished the opposite. The part which was petrified at the thought of us separating.
The period between exams and results were probably the happiest moments for her but for me it was bewildering. I couldn't stand the thought of loosing her but l also couldn't see her ruin her dreams for me.
28th June 2019...a day which still gives me shivers. The day results were declared. She called me around 11:30 in the morning and started crying tears of joy. She had got into one of the top medical colleges of the country and couldn't hide her euphoria. We agreed to meet at evening that day but....as the day passed by, l couldn't help but be a little selfish. I couldn't go to meet her not because l wasn't happy for her, but because l won't be able to fake a smile. But she had some other plans. Since l neither went to meet her nor answered her texts or calls. She stopped by at my house.
Nidhi: Sam! What happened? Why aren't you taking my calls? Did u forget we are supposed to meet today?
I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her everything and wanted to end the war l was fighting with myself. I wanted to cry in her shoulders and wine like a baby but all I managed to do was blurt out "no nothing happened".
Nidhi: Sam...you're okay right? Please just tell me. I'm here for you okay..
"You're here for me ha? What can you do? You! are so selfish Nidhi. Did you even think about me this whole time! Well how would you? You were too busy with your own success. Well, l guess you love leaving me here as you would have a ton of new guys to flirt with in your new medical college!
I immediately regretted what l said. I didn't know what l was doing. I was too occupied with my own thoughts but the damage was done....she tried hard to hide her tears but her eyes decided to let me know.
Nidhi: Sameer ...l did think about you. I thought we would do long distance but l think this is what you ....you think of me. Thanks...now l can leave without any regret. Goodbye.
" No wait! Nidhi--- nidhi----"
She left..... while l collapsed on the floor too disrupted to figure out what l had just done. I tried calling her but she had blocked me. I ended up hurting that one person whom l treasured and wanted to protect. I ended up gifting her tears instead of a smile.
I got to know she was leaving 20 days later from our mutual friends and that 20 days were the most traumatizing days of my life. Guilt had eaten me up. But l had to meet her. For the sake of the times we spent together, she deserved a proper goodbye.
18 July 2019, the day she was supposed to leave. Throwing my ego a thousand miles away, l went to see her at the airport.
She was sitting all alone at a bench probably waiting for her dad.
"Hey...waiting for your dad?"
She turned around looking shocked to see me there but still maintained a deadly silence...
"I know lm terrible but for the sake of the times we spent together, don't l atleast deserve a goodbye? "
She stood up ready to leave but l couldn't let her go this time. I blocked her way and hugged her tight and to my utter disbelief she hugged me back. I was so indulged in that hug that it took me a minute to realise that her shoulders had already got wet by my selfish tears. But she didn't let me go. She squeezed me into her body as if she wanted me to a barrier between her and this cruel world. Her head brushed against my chin and her face was burried in my black shirt. I could smell her perfume which made me fall for her yet again. That magical moment probably lasted for a split of seconds but it had an ever lasting impression on me. But then, she held my arms and pushed me apart. So this was the end? I asked myself..now I'm just gonna watch her go? forever...l was deep lost in my thoughts when l felt the touch of her warm hands on my cheeks..she wiped off my tears...l couldn't help but stare into her mystical green eyes, the eyes which forced me to fall for her the first time l saw her, when l noticed tiny droplets of water flowing from them. Yes, she was crying as well. She tried so hard to be strong but seeing me in tears made her tear up as well. Where else could l find such a girl. I had a million questions to ask her, a million reasons to stop her, a million excuses to beg her to stay but l chose to stay silent. But as it's said, the brain can lie but the heart can never. It was as if a cold war was going on between my heart and my conscience. My heart was forcing me to plead her to stay and my brain was trying it's best to stop it. Atlast l gave in, l opened my mouth to speak but soon enough, l found her fingers on my lips.
Nidhi: " Let me speak first" you were right Sam. Long distance at a young age like ours for almost 6 to 7 years isn't a joke. We will end up hurting each other even more. You were right ..lm selfish. I was so focused on myself that l didn't even consider your feelings. I took you for granted. I thought you would support me forever no matter what which you surely did. You deserve someone much better than me. You are such a pure soul. You will be the memory which l will treasure the most. Please don't ever regret meeting me...(sobs)...
" Have you gone mad? How could l ever regret meeting someone like you. I didn't mean anything l said that day. Trust me, lm truly happy for you. I would never love you so much to hurt you. Though l might not be your last boyfriend but l will surely be your first forever. Atleast we would be under the same sky haha. So smile and start your new journey. I might not be by your side like before, but l will pray for you everyday. Come back with the prefix "Dr" added before your name.
"Farewell Nidhi"
She smiled and kissed me on the cheeks ...then hurried off to her dad who had just arrived at the airport and just in a split of seconds, she was gone...yes, the love of my life was...gone...l watched her plane fly high and then vanish in the clouds. My eyes filled with tears as she became a fragment of my youth and that's how the "fragile love" of a 17 year old guy ended in a bitter but sweet note...
THE END
© Bunnyy
#love #heartbreak #relationships
Our interactions became limited but we surpassed that stage too.
Soon, boards came to an end. Nidhi and l went on several dates and those days were the happiest moments of my youth which l still treasure. While 17 year old me had no idea what to do after 12th, Nidhi had a full fledged plan. She seemed to have a roadmap to her path of success while l was just a wanderer digging my way out of the huge forest of "career choices".
Nidhi chose medical. She told me she was appearing for NEET that year but was a little scared of not being selected. Though l comforted her, assuring her she would make it..her choice made me anxious too. She was appearing for NEET and hoping to get selected which meant she was leaving sooner or later. Leaving to a different city for not less than 6-7 years clearly meant the end. We had no future together. I knew l couldn't be a thorn to her path of succes and her being happy was my first priority. And as expected, l chose "her" over "us". Well, l didn't really have another choice, did l?
NEET examinations were to be conducted 2 months after our boards and l remember how focussed and determined she was. Oh, what a girl she is. I admired her back then and l still admire her till date.
I accompanied her to her center the day of her examination as her dad was too busy. She was so anxious she started shaking while l held her tight and assured her. I wished and prayed for her from the bottom of my heart though l knew this was probably the end.
She went inside to write her exam while l stood outside in the scorching sun as silent as a dead rock. I didn't understand what my silent meant back then but now as l look back, lm sure it means a mix of guilt and agony.
She came out hours later wearing that vibrant smile l always wished to gift her. She hugged me tight and told me that her exam went fantastic. I tried to be happy which l was for sure, but somewhere a small selfish part of me wished the opposite. The part which was petrified at the thought of us separating.
The period between exams and results were probably the happiest moments for her but for me it was bewildering. I couldn't stand the thought of loosing her but l also couldn't see her ruin her dreams for me.
28th June 2019...a day which still gives me shivers. The day results were declared. She called me around 11:30 in the morning and started crying tears of joy. She had got into one of the top medical colleges of the country and couldn't hide her euphoria. We agreed to meet at evening that day but....as the day passed by, l couldn't help but be a little selfish. I couldn't go to meet her not because l wasn't happy for her, but because l won't be able to fake a smile. But she had some other plans. Since l neither went to meet her nor answered her texts or calls. She stopped by at my house.
Nidhi: Sam! What happened? Why aren't you taking my calls? Did u forget we are supposed to meet today?
I wanted to hug her. I wanted to tell her everything and wanted to end the war l was fighting with myself. I wanted to cry in her shoulders and wine like a baby but all I managed to do was blurt out "no nothing happened".
Nidhi: Sam...you're okay right? Please just tell me. I'm here for you okay..
"You're here for me ha? What can you do? You! are so selfish Nidhi. Did you even think about me this whole time! Well how would you? You were too busy with your own success. Well, l guess you love leaving me here as you would have a ton of new guys to flirt with in your new medical college!
I immediately regretted what l said. I didn't know what l was doing. I was too occupied with my own thoughts but the damage was done....she tried hard to hide her tears but her eyes decided to let me know.
Nidhi: Sameer ...l did think about you. I thought we would do long distance but l think this is what you ....you think of me. Thanks...now l can leave without any regret. Goodbye.
" No wait! Nidhi--- nidhi----"
She left..... while l collapsed on the floor too disrupted to figure out what l had just done. I tried calling her but she had blocked me. I ended up hurting that one person whom l treasured and wanted to protect. I ended up gifting her tears instead of a smile.
I got to know she was leaving 20 days later from our mutual friends and that 20 days were the most traumatizing days of my life. Guilt had eaten me up. But l had to meet her. For the sake of the times we spent together, she deserved a proper goodbye.
18 July 2019, the day she was supposed to leave. Throwing my ego a thousand miles away, l went to see her at the airport.
She was sitting all alone at a bench probably waiting for her dad.
"Hey...waiting for your dad?"
She turned around looking shocked to see me there but still maintained a deadly silence...
"I know lm terrible but for the sake of the times we spent together, don't l atleast deserve a goodbye? "
She stood up ready to leave but l couldn't let her go this time. I blocked her way and hugged her tight and to my utter disbelief she hugged me back. I was so indulged in that hug that it took me a minute to realise that her shoulders had already got wet by my selfish tears. But she didn't let me go. She squeezed me into her body as if she wanted me to a barrier between her and this cruel world. Her head brushed against my chin and her face was burried in my black shirt. I could smell her perfume which made me fall for her yet again. That magical moment probably lasted for a split of seconds but it had an ever lasting impression on me. But then, she held my arms and pushed me apart. So this was the end? I asked myself..now I'm just gonna watch her go? forever...l was deep lost in my thoughts when l felt the touch of her warm hands on my cheeks..she wiped off my tears...l couldn't help but stare into her mystical green eyes, the eyes which forced me to fall for her the first time l saw her, when l noticed tiny droplets of water flowing from them. Yes, she was crying as well. She tried so hard to be strong but seeing me in tears made her tear up as well. Where else could l find such a girl. I had a million questions to ask her, a million reasons to stop her, a million excuses to beg her to stay but l chose to stay silent. But as it's said, the brain can lie but the heart can never. It was as if a cold war was going on between my heart and my conscience. My heart was forcing me to plead her to stay and my brain was trying it's best to stop it. Atlast l gave in, l opened my mouth to speak but soon enough, l found her fingers on my lips.
Nidhi: " Let me speak first" you were right Sam. Long distance at a young age like ours for almost 6 to 7 years isn't a joke. We will end up hurting each other even more. You were right ..lm selfish. I was so focused on myself that l didn't even consider your feelings. I took you for granted. I thought you would support me forever no matter what which you surely did. You deserve someone much better than me. You are such a pure soul. You will be the memory which l will treasure the most. Please don't ever regret meeting me...(sobs)...
" Have you gone mad? How could l ever regret meeting someone like you. I didn't mean anything l said that day. Trust me, lm truly happy for you. I would never love you so much to hurt you. Though l might not be your last boyfriend but l will surely be your first forever. Atleast we would be under the same sky haha. So smile and start your new journey. I might not be by your side like before, but l will pray for you everyday. Come back with the prefix "Dr" added before your name.
"Farewell Nidhi"
She smiled and kissed me on the cheeks ...then hurried off to her dad who had just arrived at the airport and just in a split of seconds, she was gone...yes, the love of my life was...gone...l watched her plane fly high and then vanish in the clouds. My eyes filled with tears as she became a fragment of my youth and that's how the "fragile love" of a 17 year old guy ended in a bitter but sweet note...
THE END
© Bunnyy
#love #heartbreak #relationships