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Straight baked
Would you like to hear a story ?
One that’s funnier than a joke
This is true , I swear to you
And it was all to do with smoke
A crooked little salesman
Hoodwinked my man at work
He sold him life insurance
My bloke felt like such a berk
the
All that you’re about to hear may sound like slapstick fun
When I tell you all what happened
You will be laughing, everyone
The naughty little salesman
Had used naughty little ways
When he sold the life insurance
That busy working day
When I found out what happened
I was mad and raging too
The next day I was on the phone
" I want your manager, not YOU ”
"well I AM the effing manager...
..so why don’t you EFF OFF!”
But when he thought he’d cut the call
The connection wasn’t lost
I could hear him swearing and calling me a slag
But then I heard him rob his mother, demanding “ where’s your bag ?”
“ I need to borrow money!!”
He screamed and raged and shouted
I heard him rob his own mother
He was nuts, I didn’t doubt it
And so I complained to his manager
“ his methods were underhand “
The manager was amenable
“ I’m sorry yes I understand ”
Later on that evening when our children were in bed
We made our tiny living room a hot box to get wrecked
The air was hung with lemon cheesecake
Hazy swirls of smoke
The type that makes you talk and laugh
And everything’s a joke
Just as we relaxed together, pleasantly stoned to the core
There came a rat tap tapping
Upon our hotbox door
Expecting our man/friend /dealer to show up anytime
I yanked him in real quickly before fresh air could get inside
Slamming fast the door shut
I looked upon our guest
It wasn’t ‘wheelie Kev’ ( our man )
It was that manager instead
He thought he’d come in person
With a refund and a sorry
But then this straight guy in a suit
Became quite off his trolley
He looked like he didn’t drink
or even tried a good strong weed
He began to talk and talk and talk at a quite alarming speed
He made himself feel quite at home
Told us his life’s tale
With surreptitious glances we both wondered how to bale
The manager had loosened his tie
His suit was rumpled and creased
Any professional attempts of an apology
Gone , right up the creek
It was us who had to end it
He edged closer to the floor
My bloke had to practically push him along to get him outside once more
I often wonder if he got home
Or did he just disappear ?
But I bet he never forgot that night
When he came around to our house here
© katMaddi
One that’s funnier than a joke
This is true , I swear to you
And it was all to do with smoke
A crooked little salesman
Hoodwinked my man at work
He sold him life insurance
My bloke felt like such a berk
the
All that you’re about to hear may sound like slapstick fun
When I tell you all what happened
You will be laughing, everyone
The naughty little salesman
Had used naughty little ways
When he sold the life insurance
That busy working day
When I found out what happened
I was mad and raging too
The next day I was on the phone
" I want your manager, not YOU ”
"well I AM the effing manager...
..so why don’t you EFF OFF!”
But when he thought he’d cut the call
The connection wasn’t lost
I could hear him swearing and calling me a slag
But then I heard him rob his mother, demanding “ where’s your bag ?”
“ I need to borrow money!!”
He screamed and raged and shouted
I heard him rob his own mother
He was nuts, I didn’t doubt it
And so I complained to his manager
“ his methods were underhand “
The manager was amenable
“ I’m sorry yes I understand ”
Later on that evening when our children were in bed
We made our tiny living room a hot box to get wrecked
The air was hung with lemon cheesecake
Hazy swirls of smoke
The type that makes you talk and laugh
And everything’s a joke
Just as we relaxed together, pleasantly stoned to the core
There came a rat tap tapping
Upon our hotbox door
Expecting our man/friend /dealer to show up anytime
I yanked him in real quickly before fresh air could get inside
Slamming fast the door shut
I looked upon our guest
It wasn’t ‘wheelie Kev’ ( our man )
It was that manager instead
He thought he’d come in person
With a refund and a sorry
But then this straight guy in a suit
Became quite off his trolley
He looked like he didn’t drink
or even tried a good strong weed
He began to talk and talk and talk at a quite alarming speed
He made himself feel quite at home
Told us his life’s tale
With surreptitious glances we both wondered how to bale
The manager had loosened his tie
His suit was rumpled and creased
Any professional attempts of an apology
Gone , right up the creek
It was us who had to end it
He edged closer to the floor
My bloke had to practically push him along to get him outside once more
I often wonder if he got home
Or did he just disappear ?
But I bet he never forgot that night
When he came around to our house here
© katMaddi
