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Dear Diary #1
Dear Diary - 7/Aug 2023
Long time no see…what can it be? Like 10/12 year ago? I‘m sorry to have withheld so much from you all these years… and I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to realize, that I should have turned to you long ago.
Maybe then I could have put all the dots together and be able to see the big picture…
But like always, I come crawling back when I‘ve reached my limit and lost my way completely… & I have little hope that you‘ll accept the apology without me having to spill all my deepest fears and secrets out loud… I don‘t blame you, it‘s my own fault for hiding and pushing away my pain into the darkest corner of my mind. But I‘m here now and I‘m ready to be honest with you and myself, well at least I belive that I’m able to try.
Today I woke up feeling drained and detached… I haven‘t been sleeping well and I keep finding myself staring into the dark instead of finding some peace to sleep.There is not much on my mind and yet it feels like it‘s filled with thoughs that aren’t able to get in line, so they just run around in distress.
I went to work, not feeling happy nor sad. Yet I‘m here and only able to concentrate on one problem at a time and even that takes so much energy, leaving me all cold and tired. I‘d like to go home and sleep, yet I‘m not feeling like sleeping at all. Maybe it‘s just the comfort of my bed and the four walls surrounding it that I miss…
I‘ve been quiet and I can feel their eyes watching me, so I conjure a smile just to assure them that I‘m alright. The smile feels twisted and wrong but they seem to accept it nevertheless, so that‘s okay I guess and it seems like I‘ll be able to make it through the day until I get back home…
I‘ve also realized that I need help. Not from my loved ones but from someone who‘s familiar with cases of my state of mind. I‘ll be going to therapy… again… I‘ve been there twice before and stopped because I thought I wouldn‘t need it anymore. No! That‘s not the truth…I left because I started a new job the first time and the second time when I moved away from town. I was just not prepared to start anew but maybe I should have… guess I‘m paying the price of stubborness a third time now. But better late than never…right?
Well I think that’s it for today. I‘ll be back soon…
© BellaWritingHere
Long time no see…what can it be? Like 10/12 year ago? I‘m sorry to have withheld so much from you all these years… and I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to realize, that I should have turned to you long ago.
Maybe then I could have put all the dots together and be able to see the big picture…
But like always, I come crawling back when I‘ve reached my limit and lost my way completely… & I have little hope that you‘ll accept the apology without me having to spill all my deepest fears and secrets out loud… I don‘t blame you, it‘s my own fault for hiding and pushing away my pain into the darkest corner of my mind. But I‘m here now and I‘m ready to be honest with you and myself, well at least I belive that I’m able to try.
Today I woke up feeling drained and detached… I haven‘t been sleeping well and I keep finding myself staring into the dark instead of finding some peace to sleep.There is not much on my mind and yet it feels like it‘s filled with thoughs that aren’t able to get in line, so they just run around in distress.
I went to work, not feeling happy nor sad. Yet I‘m here and only able to concentrate on one problem at a time and even that takes so much energy, leaving me all cold and tired. I‘d like to go home and sleep, yet I‘m not feeling like sleeping at all. Maybe it‘s just the comfort of my bed and the four walls surrounding it that I miss…
I‘ve been quiet and I can feel their eyes watching me, so I conjure a smile just to assure them that I‘m alright. The smile feels twisted and wrong but they seem to accept it nevertheless, so that‘s okay I guess and it seems like I‘ll be able to make it through the day until I get back home…
I‘ve also realized that I need help. Not from my loved ones but from someone who‘s familiar with cases of my state of mind. I‘ll be going to therapy… again… I‘ve been there twice before and stopped because I thought I wouldn‘t need it anymore. No! That‘s not the truth…I left because I started a new job the first time and the second time when I moved away from town. I was just not prepared to start anew but maybe I should have… guess I‘m paying the price of stubborness a third time now. But better late than never…right?
Well I think that’s it for today. I‘ll be back soon…
© BellaWritingHere
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